New Year Resolutions December 28, 2007
Posted by TheHype in NBA At Large , add a comment |
Resolutions are stupid. No one changes, ever. Tell ‘em Jet! And I’m not just projecting Mr. Oh-Look-At-Me-And-My-Psychology-Degree. But everyone makes them for pure vanity and the tiny glimmer that you’re promising yourself something. Here’s to your hope and dreams lads and lasses:
Satan Riles:
My resolution will be to admit that I can’t coach since I’ve made horrible offseason non-moves. To one up the resolution, I’ll force myself to go through a rebuilding movement by actually standing by and not “take a leave of absence”
I’ll stop reminding everyone that we won the championship just 2 years ago, when, IT’S BEEN TWO YEARS AND MANY INJURIES.
Kevin Garnett
My resolution will be to change… nothing. The way things are going right now is what’s up. That’s real talk. This is the best situation ever, no need to screw it up right?
The only test will be when we face the Spurs — then maybe I’ll fade in the fourth quarter and go un-clutch. But hey, I have two other closers on my team. No change needed. Real talk.
Harry the Hawk
My resolution will be to stop eating small children. I know, I know, I said the same thing last year, and the suits have told me adamantly that this is a no-no… but DAMN, they are delicious!
I’ll also be helping the Hawks towards a playoff push by perhaps punching the opposing team’s equipment manager in the nuts. That’ll show them who’s boss.
Marlo Stanfield
I think my resolution will be to try and stop killing so many people. But you know, it’s so hard!
I just want to be THE man and there’s no other alternative. Man, this resolution will be hard to keep. Shooting people in the face is just my thang, but I guess we all have to change. We’ll see.
Dr. House
I’M IN PAIN.
Like I’m going to give up the drugs, pffft. Look, what’s worse? Being a drug addict while saving lives, or being a DEAD drug addict and saving NO lives? Yeah.
Fine, my resolution will be to include the original cast members a little bit more lest we forget they ever existed.
Lots of snow
My resolution will be to try and come out less. I know, I’m sorry I’m sorry. The only people that like me are snowboarders and skiers and everyone in the city wants to kill me, I’m sorry.
I swear I’ll do my bestest and follow the Global Warming club and just stop. I know I’m annoying, but we can still be friends right? Like the time I made you late for work, classes and made your clothes soaking wet? Fun times!
Happy 27th of December! December 27, 2007
Posted by TheHype in NBA At Large, Photoshopery , add a comment |
Hello there.
Honest to Truth-God, I have been away from the picture box for the past week so I have no idea if the Heat still sucks, if the Suns are fickle, if the Lakers are winning doubters, if Portland is murking the entire crew, if Houston won’t ever get a consistent culture of winners, if Atlanta is exciting, if the Bulls will ever be a dominant “contender” with the recent firing of Head Vein Skiles, if Jay-Z is just bored, if the Writers’ Strike is spelled “Writer’s” or “Writers’s”, if the insurance will cover the hard snow that made a dent in the van, if Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert will continue to be superfanstasicliously awesome without writers (the answer’s yes), if using this tacky “if” device to list some things off my head is even a device… BUT MOST OF ALL, I have no idea if Mikki Moore is into hair metal bands.
However, I’ve been online, so no need for the tele anyway.
Craigslist Around The League December 20, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Miami Heat, New Orleans Hornets, New York Knicks, Unrelatedness, Washington Wizards , 3 comments |
Everyone loves Craigslist. And that’s not just the new comedy I’m pitching to Canada’s CTV channel. But you know, the Craigslist. Anyway, I was browsing through looking for a male stri— um, looking for “furniture” when guess what? Some of the entries seem to be striking a little close to the NBA home I heart dearly. Take a look at some samples here…
| new orleans craigslist > media coverage | email this posting to a friend |
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Looking for media hype.
Reply to: comm-1233532@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 11:37AM EST
I’m looking for better media coverage of my sensational 2nd year as a PG in the NBA. Look, it really doesn’t matter to me one way or another, but it’s going to make my mom happy. So, help me out okay?
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: New Orleans
| new york craigslist > men seeking men > free stuff |
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***Free MONEY!!!***
Reply to: comm-541212@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 12:57PM EST
Yo fellas, I have this scam going on. It’s crazy! My boss is giving me so much money and total freedom to do whatever the fuck I want. Come work with me! There are supposedly “customers”, but those sunts can’t do shit! We’ll rip one in the break room. Come on, it’s sooooo much money, like… A LOT. I can’t spend it all… in fact, I thought I spent as much as possible on as much crap as I could waiting to get fired, but NAH! I’m still here. You gotta come, it’s a freaking blast.
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: NYC
| washington DC craigslist > classes | email this posting to a friend |
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How to succeed successfully
Reply to: comm-8565412@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 3:25AM EST
So your leader is down, what do you do? Cry about it? No man, you take the leadership role and let the rest of the world know you’ve been here all along. Sure, some casual spectators masquerading as “true critics” will think that OUT OF NOWHERE, you’ve become this amazing beast, helping your peers that the fallen leader could not. But they are wrong. A true leader knows he could not go any further without the True Capitaine. You should also expect to do much better when your comrade comes back. That is the real leadership aspect.
For $100/class, I will teach you this. Or, if you have straws, I take that as compensation as well.
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• Location: Wash DC
| miami craigslist > volunteers | email this posting to a friend |
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EMERGENCY! Life support needed!
Reply to: comm-494615@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 4:12AM EST
Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I’m doing real bad here folks. Two years ago, I had it all: the praise, the fame and the glory. I don’t know what happened… well, I do… my circle of “friends” (ENABLERS!) have been coasting on life ever since we made it big together. Now we’re nothing. Bupkus. I think I take the most blame, thinking all the glory and the success will come back even if I don’t try. My wife had so much “work” done and now I don’t even know how to gain respect again.
Help!!!!
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Miami
| boston craigslist > missed connections |
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saw u @ work, remember me?
Reply to: comm-3484215@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 7:41AM EST
Um, I don’t usually do this… Well, while “working” on my lame job recently I think I saw you sitting across from me. See, my job, there’s really nothing for me to do. Seriously! Nothing.
I’m supposed to call the shots, but I think the guys pretty much have it figured out… I mean, I like getting paid, but it’s like I’m Julia Louis-Dreyfuss from the 1982 to 1985 SNL seasons—USELESS! So there I was, pretending to work, and I saw you. Hope you come by my work sometime again, I’ll be doing my usual faking. So, coffee?
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• Location: Boston
| memphis craigslist > misc romance |
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Fun times, but can you handle it?
Reply to: comm-34515416@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 8:02AM EST
Here there. By day, some people would think I’m a guy’s guy, seeing as what I do is dominated by guys. But I tell ya, I can pass as a high school girl’s soccer coach, if you know what I mean. But I’m only interested in serious relationships okay? If you want to meet, I’ll be at the salon getting hi-lites
XOXO
MiMi
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Memphis
I Want A 50 Game Playoff Series Between Suns-Spurs Now December 18, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Phoenix Suns, Photoshopery, San Antonio Spurs , add a comment |
Begone rest of the regular season minutiae games. Please, no need for trivialities. Last night’s Suns/Spurs battle shows what top tier basketball looks like (you paying attention Dallas?) and if you’re telling me we need another 4 months until it really counts — then you and I can’t share an ice cream cone together later today. Yeah, it’s like that.
Grant Hill, bless his elephant ears, for he is the Decidor. Last night, you saw him do damage beating opponents off the dribble, taking timely shots and just doing things. Whenever the Suns were at a lost on offense, it’s when the creativity breaks down, either when Steve Nash is on the bench or they just can’t find the 3 point netting. Grant Hill is doing this season what the Suns wanted Boris Diaw to do last season. I guess now they have two. Yay!
On the Spurs side, they probably would’ve won that game had Tony The Bastard Parker played. Tim Duncan was unstoppable and was going to win the game for them, but with Tony, it adds to the defensive pressure that the Suns don’t have an answer for. Jacque Vince Vaughn made enough shots to not get shot in the ass by Pop, but he doesn’t cave in the defense like Tony does. Manu, The Shadow Killer, had a okay night with 18pts, but his presence was not felt the GINOBILI! way. He made clutch shots, but as a whole, Suns didn’t seem to worry about him that much.
One thing that was interesting in this regular season game, which I’m not sure if it was on purpose or not, but Popovich didn’t use the tactic of making Nash a scorer. Perhaps D’Antoni and Co. finally found a counter, but it seemed like they let Steve direct traffic for this one game. Sure the whole thing could be mind games, when the Spurs will turn on the clamps when it really counts.
I’m going to sleep, wake me up in April.
Eva Vs. Alexandra Vs. Tim Duncan: The Lines December 15, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Poop Culture, San Antonio Spurs , add a comment |
The gossip machines are going insanely out of control vis a vis Tony Parker, Eva Longoria and a French lady who is also hot as hell. While this space hates going into the gossip mills for stories (WHY ALBA?? WHY???), I think this story isn’t just important, it’s monumental.
So who’s it going to be Tony? Desperate House-can’t-act? French Model Alexandra Pare-get-in-my-pant-ssant? Oooor: Tim Duncan. Oh bro, don’t even hide it anymore. You gotta choose:
Eva Longoria  |
Alexandra Paressant  |
Tim Duncan  |
|
Looks: |
Big eyes, cute smile, got on a TV show because of it | Supermodel hot | Tim’s all about the low post tease. The attraction is undeniable |
| ADVANTAGE: Clearly Tim Duncan wins this round |
Skills: |
Not going to lie. Never seen her act, so I’m going to say she’s horrible | If she’s lying, she’s doing a mad job playing the role of marriage breaker upper | Tim has a way of luring you into his welcoming buggy eyes |
| ADVANTAGE: Close, but Duncan takes this round again |
| Long Term Outlook: | Acting jobs are hard to come by these days, so she might drive Tony insane after a couple years | Models, as their nature entails, don’t need much nutrition. They’re like human equivalents to the Smart Cars! | HE GAVE YOU 3 NBA TITLES BITCH, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT |
| ADVANTAGE: So hard (that’s what she said) but I think Timmeh edges the ladies again |
*******
The Spurs are the real winners if you guys hook up. That’s for sure. Oh by the way, me trying to pretty up this spot, you can now use Gravatars, like I said here. It’s fun, it’s picturey and low calories whenever you comment with the same e-mail.
Stephen Jackson Is Totally Confused December 13, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Golden State Warriors, Referees , 3 comments |
Watch out Stephen! There are giant question signs
next to you!! Holy Shit!Action Jackson totally revamped his image after last year’s spectacular Warriors run, at least to me, I dunno about the rest of the world. The rest of the world being refs. Jack is just trying to do what he do you know? Drive in the lane with hot fire, and just lead the way with l’esprit! But that can’t happen if say, you get tossed out of a game… for which you don’t even know why:
“I’m still trying to figure out what’s considered a foul and what’s not considered a foul,” said Stephen Jackson, who drew a technical foul in the third quarter and fouled out in the fourth. “I need to read the players’ manual. I’m confused right now.”
“These days, when I get techs I don’t know if I did something or not,” Jackson said. “(It’s) based on how people perceive me, so I don’t even pay it no attention, man.”
Damn right! I’m not going to pay no attention to them neither! But I do see that perhaps, Stephen, we can help you out figuring out what’s considered a foul and what’s not considered a foul. I believe this is from Page 87 Quiz from the Player’s Manual on such matters, I hope it helps! Hey, the rest of you can play along too!
| 1. Throwing a ball into the crowd 2. Pushing the stanchion 3. Shoving an opponent during dead ball 4. Throwing a headband away 5. Screaming at a ref |
a. A tech, because you did it during commercial break, whereby viewers don’t get to it live. Shame on you b. Not a technical, but you’ll get a “I’m very very disappointed in you look” from one of the refs c. A tech, but only after video review, where the judges are toddlers d. An automatic Tech 3: the type where they’ll beat you will metal folding chairs, a la WWE. e. You get a red card, equivalent to 2 techs and a vanilla ice cream cone |
Leave your answers in the commentz sextion fools!
Knicks Fans Blamed For Losses, Lousy Weather December 11, 2007
Posted by TheHype in New York Knicks , add a comment |
Isiah Thomas called out a fan, saying the sixth man, unlike the boogey man, is supposed to magically help tip in loose rebounds whenever Quentin Richardson misses a layup.
Loading …Thomas lectures both sides of the aisle [Knicks Knacks]
Quote Of The Right Now
Posted by TheHype in Houston Rockets , add a comment |
Yao says Rockets soft… [CHRON dot com]
WotS: Will The Atlanta Hawks Keep On– No.
Posted by TheHype in Atlanta Hawks, Word on the Streetz , add a comment |
Hotlanta is at .500 so it must be a sign that they’ve turned a corner right? New unis, Joe Johnson back and some wins! Word on the Streetz inquires how much longer will the honeymoon last…
 Jim Turner Filmmaker “As soon as their Hawk mascot eats another baby, we’ll see them in the bottom of the Conference again.”  Kelly Patterson Analyst “One of these days Josh Smith will jump too high and escape the gravity field. What will Atlanta do then huh? HUH??”  Laura Mills Expert “Screw those two other guys! I really think they’ll make it to the playo— BWHAHAHAHAHAH. Ah, I was so close.” |
NBA Toons: Fly Him To The Moon December 10, 2007
Posted by TheHype in NBA TOONS, Toronto Raptors , 2 comments |
Ah J-Moon. How could I have gone thus far without mentioning you on the site? My bad. You see, this is weird, watching a player like Jamario getting so much excitement from all places when he’s relatively kept under wraps. Few years ago, he would’ve been a great hidden treasure, where Raptor fans squee in delight of their X-Factor.
Now it’s interesting how fast he done blow up. Me thinks it’s got to do with how lame our sacred NBA highlights have been. Sure, J-Smoove and B.Diddy can astound our cerebral cells when they defy physics and sure seeing Deron Williams use his mind to move from Point A to Point A², while stapling is defender’s feet to the ground, is optimum in NBA deliciousness. However, there’s no glee of wonderment.
Jamario is rocking that wonderment. He had a shit game against Houston yesterday, but aside from that, I just love seeing his mojo in action that’s unlike a lot of players these days. His style is like a nicely folded paper glider that can launch air to air missiles. It’s a movement difference that’s not unlike how Manu Ginobili is different than the rest of the basketball rhythm.
In conclusion: I want Jamario Moon in the dunk contest.
Try to explain the West...
