In Europe, Mad Libs Writes You! January 25, 2008
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Head on over to B.i.E to see the funny basketbloggers chain of hilary!
And You Thought Yuta Tabuse Was Good November 2, 2007
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I’m telling you guys, it’s in the water—milk system that’s making all the Asian countries dominant the basketball courts.
And some quick hits for tonight:
Toronto Will Murderize The Nets: since it’s regular season. Playoffs is a whole other story where nerves can be shattered… like TO fans dress up for the opposing team.
Bucks Gets Eaten By The Bobcats: But not if Yi can help it—he’s dropping 28 tonight. YEAH.
I Can’t Believe The Pacers Will Beat The Heat: That is all.
C’s Big 3 Versus The Wiz’s Big 3: Never bet against the grill.
Lakers, Suns: Yawn… there’s no story there anymore. Any true competitiveness there is sucked into the dark void that is Jerry Buss’ liver.
PS: My thoughts the Nuggets is up in the internet skies over at We Rite Goode here and here.
WotS: Pros And Cons Of Shortening The Season October 16, 2007
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Kenny the Jumbo Jet Smith penned a fine column in YahooEXCLAMATIONPOINT yesterday suggesting NBA Europe should be a reality. One way to help this new venture is shortening the season to 70 games, says The Smith One. Word on the Streetz sees what real people think (not like those fake ones! fakers!)…
 Johannes Bennedict Crafts Person “If you shorten the season how will Shaq take his usual 3 months off? He’ll take only 2 and half months off! Nooo!”  Heidi Michaels Song Writer “It’s fantasic! Because c’mon, we all know the NBA is just the tease for what everyone’s waiting for: the WNBA season.”  R2-D2 Droid “Beep! Beep! Bop!” |
Teenage Angst Is Serious Because The Music Says So October 13, 2007
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As we all know, China is going to have just taken over the world. We’ve witnessed the writing on the wall in the economy, in politics, and obviously where this blog’s content is concerned most: sports (well, basketball). When you have Yao Ming as your catalyst (sorry Wang), it paves way for the new generation (Yi Jianlian) of Chinese balla kids to slowly fuse themselves with the American basketball identity.
We are seeing it already, with Yi growing up to like the hip hop nation and awkwardly presenting it via a bad commercial.
But I’m here to show you the next mutation in the convergence of the Chinese and American basketball identity. Yes, you guessed it: I am obviously talking about the inevitable Chinese version of One Tree Hill.
You thought I was joking about that One Tree Hill ish huh? Between the Explosions in the Sky soundtrack (now ubiquitous everywhere to signify “youthful rebellion and soul searching” popularized by Friday Night Lights) and the ADIDAS!!!! product placements, you wouldn’t have thought there would be an original story here. But let me tell you something mister! … uh … there isn’t, check it:
Brooding teen angst: CHECK; Random shouting matches: CHECK; A denouement of the central character revealing said teen angst is due to a tragic event: CHECK; Oh and the main character’s name is (Big) Mouth because he has a larger than usual orifice. You know which other character had the name “Mouth” in a show about teenagers playing basketball near a hill that had one tree? Yup. CHECK and MATE
HOWEVA, I’d still check out this flick. Yeah it looks derivative of every single damn teen underdog story where you can practically predict and recite every beat of the film. But hey, deep down, I think we all want to watch it for that very reason (Hoop Soldiers creators’ wet dream). And hey, I do share some kinship with the filmmakers, sort of:
We’re a couple of Indie film makers from Canada and the States that met in Singapore and have now been based in Beijing China for the past 3 years.
So yeah, I’ll be watching this, because I think it’s in my blood contract to support my culture(s) — okay mom?
Is His Nickname Just A Teeny Bit Tacky? October 2, 2007
Posted by TheHype in International Ball, Sacramento Kings, Videos , 4 comments |
As I put up a very important and lengthy post on Spencer Hawes’ unbe-knee-vable injury before he even started training camp for the Kings over at the F-House, I went over to Sam Amick’s blog to see what else is up. Lo and behold, da Kings might (like, I’m guess 0%) of getting a former And1 player on its roster, specifically, this guy:
So what’s my problem? Well, it’s not really a problem, but you see in that clip he’s balling with a bunch of Asians, probably Chinese right? And well, Sam reveals his And1 moniker:
As a bit of a teaser, camp invite Rashid Byrd is an interesting story who I’ll talk more about later this week in the paper. Among other things, the 7-foot-1 big man is a former And1 player who was known as “Seven and Sum Change.”
Dude. I mean, really, it’s not offensive to me at all. Like back in high school when dumbasses would go for that joke trying to make fun of Chinese names? I can’t say that I was mad, only sad… for them. Because of how unfunny it is. And being unfunny is the greatest crime of all n’est pas?
Anyway, I wonder if Mr. Byrd dropped the alias when he was introducing himself to the group of Chinese playas, only because seriously? Not that classy.
Suggestion: USA Needs Crowd Songs September 4, 2007
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While watching a bit of the Italy vs. Slovenia match last night (well, only the closing quarter… which was very exciting, down the wire type ish!) of the EuroBasket Championships, I realize just how into it the crowds are over there. They bullborn every minute of every play like someone’s going to rape them — fantastique!
They also have crowd songs which makes the whole thing seems so much more fun. I wouldn’t be surprised if a riot broke out, but that adds to the crazy coolness of it all. I wish the USA would adopt something like this.
Seriously, what does the NBA have? “DE-FENCE! DE-FENCE!” Okaaaaay… that and those stupid thundersticks and I guess… cowbells (YOU GOTTA HAVE MORE COWBELL!) So you see, there’s a huge lack in imagination and audience participation besides just screaming obscenities at Vince Carter’s manhood.
What’s worse is whenever Team USA plays, you know, the age old… “U-S-A! U-S-A!” from the crowd. Yaaaaaaawn. Geez, yes yes, you are dominant, but how 80s is that chant? It’s not so much that it sounds arrogant (it does) but it’s so unbelievably mundane and inconsequential. You wouldn’t do that in unison if the team was losing right? Cause it would sound stupid. Whereas Euro teams do their crazy songs all. game. long. just to hype up their brethren through the collective siren of their nation’s folk music. You’re made to be a part of a larger community — Karl Marx would’ve chanted.
Maybe the problem is that USA is “the melting pot” and you don’t really have one unifying song note. I wouldn’t see a crowd sing Party Like a Rockstar together… nor do I expect them to render a tribute to Toby Keith. There are just so many damn different styles in the big American country.
I guess Canada suffers from this as well, but eh, we suck, so eff that.
Man, North America is so boring.
Team USA v. Team Carlos Arroyo Notes Chickenscratches
August 29, 2007
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• Right off the bat, Bill Walton says that tonight is the first night Team USA wears the blue uniforms instead of the whites. Man, I love Big Red’s crazy ol’ prose as much the next dude, but c’mon, short term memory loss much?
• Separated at birth Puerto Rico’s head coach and Carl
• Holy crap, Peter John Ramos freakin blocked Dwight Howard clean — and then stares him down! Nothing good will come of this
• Yes yes yes, Kobe Bryant, best player in the NBA yes yes. So that doesn’t make him just the best “secret” weapon on Team USA; it makes him the Ultimate X Factor. It’s like building a robot and you just happen to have spare Adamantium lying around. Just not fair.
• Bill Walton’s worst nightmare: Amare Stoudamire takes and makes a three. I don’t know how I feel about this — on one hand, I love it when Chris Bosh does it, but on the other STAT should keep dunking on people’s faces, that’s like worth way more than 3pts … more like 3.1 pts
• Whenever Jason Kidd isn’t on the floor, Team USA’s defense just isn’t as clamped down. A couple times Puerto Rico’s guards were able to drive pass, splitting the pick and roll
• Hilariously awkward moment: Melo grabs an offensive rebound and dunks hard, doing the usual kicking of the legs, it’s all very cool … that is, until landing and he falls on his ass … just one of those “damn he’s cool… what the… ahahahhaa”
• and I don’t mean to sully Carmelo’s game, dude’s just doesn’t miss and knows exactly how and when to score. It’s so fun to see him get shot after shot
• Alert the press! First half Tyson Chandler sighting!
• PJ Ramos is too funny: he pins his man on the block, very open … looks around without seeing the ball, and then he gets the feed right on the money and he looks totally suprised to get it like, “shit! this works!”
• Okay, even in the NBA LeBron is a fucking tank… here, at the FIBAs, LeBron is like Godzilla and Voltron had a lovechild during one of their special dates to the tune of Making Love Out of Nothing At All by Air Supply
• Eh, everyone and Zeus knew that Team Carlos Arroyo couldn’t recapture that 2004 Athens spark and beat the US, so I’ll just end this with a note saying how unbelievably awesome that we get to watch Kobe Bryant & LeBron James & Carmelo Anthony AND Jason Kidd AND Dwight Howard all running together.
I mean, c’mon, this is like a dream even though they are rolling over everyone, it’s just too cool to pass off the “nah, no more Dream Team talk until they win” shit. This is happening and I’m glad I got to watch it for a week straight
• PS: I want a poster of this
Bill Walton Calling A Chess Match August 27, 2007
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Fizzed around with original photo Chess Game by croson72
How wonderful it is to be at the presence of two great competitors. Ralph Delaritto and Dan Lambert.
You see, it isn’t that they are simply playing the timeless game of chess, but that they are experiencing it. Modern chess’ origins was founded in 15-16th century Europe that exemplified the royals … not unlike the great John Wooden’s UCLA’s championship banners — which I had the greatest of honors to be a part of.
The grace of Ralph and Dan today is like a the tribal dance between warriors just as they are about to slit each other’s throats.
Ah, the journey these two men have traveled. A mere 18 minutes ago, Dan was on the ropes, having lost 3 of his pawns in succession — but all hope was not lost. He was able to turn the tables around and in one full sweep, fool Ralph and took down his foes’ Queen, THROW IT DOWN (on the table) BIG DAN, THROW IT DOWN.
The great Kasparov once said to me: “Bill, honor is within one’s own mind” so true, so true.
I also met the original Deep Blue, however, in his declining state of affairs, he could no longer speak the beautiful beeps and bops of years past.
Here’s another factoid of this great sport: the grandmasters would teach their pupils how to envision a win before it even happens — just like Steven John Nash of the Phoenix Suns, always preparing, always in motion. Ah, the deep concentrations, it takes me back to the days of the great Celtic teams when the greats, Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parish, Bill Russell would instill in all of us the same mentality, ah yes, those were the days.
As we engage upon Ralph and Dan here for the final moves towards glory, I have to ask: what makes a champion? The physical strength? The mental agility? Or is it just sheer want. Whatever it is, we are in the presence of excellence, my friends.
A Photo Album We Can All Enjoy August 23, 2007
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That’s how I saw things, for real. Hey speaking of the Kobester, Liston is at it again with another tee-hee-larious post… oh and this other one made me spit milk out of my ass it was so good, go go check it out yo.
Yes, Even YOU Can Manage the Bhutan Basketball Club! August 22, 2007
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Jorge! (click for biggness)You wouldn’t believe it (I still don’t!) but get this: you can manage the financial tactics of a FIBA team! Yeah!
You too could be playing ball with Europe’s finest as long as you engage shrewd financial and management tactics with FIBA Basketball Manager 2008. Bag the biggest sponsorship deals, woo the best players and draw in the crowds to create a wild atmosphere at the stadium,” says the official report.
The game is actually condoning “shrewd financial tactics??”
As a manager, you’ll also be obliged to break down some essential team tactics by taking your players through their moves, using one of the 3 ways, at your own choice: direct score, 2D view or 3D view to study the game’s result. Use the tactics page to get the low down on killer moves that will give your team that extra edge.
How the hell do you “break down team tactics” and “moves” using 2D or 3D view? Aren’t we just looking at a plan? Plans need to be in 3D? What in the world?
Anyway, I just had a quite laugh that this is real and no photoshopery was needed…
Ya está aquí “Fiba Basketball Manager 2008″ [La Flecha, not that I can read that, Thank You Google Translatorz]
Onward: The a couple FIBA games are on right now, I’m gonna check it out, probably leave some comments here or there, feel free to drop a note if you’re following along as well!
UPDATE:
5:21pm–NBA.com hates Canada. I don’t see anything on the stream, fellow Canucks, what about you guys?
Try to explain the West...
