What’d I Give For… The Zards Beheading The King; Rockets To Fly; And Hawks Warrioring The Celtics May 2, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Houston Rockets, TV Shows, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Listen kids, back in the year 2008, there were these great Eastern Conference first round match ups that took everyone by surprise. Your uncle Barney made legendary bet that if LeBron James AND Kevin Garnett did not make it to the second round, he would hit on Doris Burke.
Now, believe it or not, back before you kids had the ANBCBSPNNFOX sports network that you have today, there was this amazing network called TNT — where they had crappy original shows but for unexplained reasons, their NBA coverage surpasses every single sports show about any sports.
Let’s bring you up to speed: May 2nd, 2008. The Washington Wizards’ legion of fans versus Cleveland’s royalty. Of course LeBron was the easy choice to plow through a measly opponent like the Wizards… as their key stars are just trying to recover while a great role player is invoking a rap war over the hardwood floor.
But you obviously have not been reading up on their mystique (not the WNBA team). This is a team that will do magnificiant damage in the realms of the unseen. This is a team that shall unequivocally push their limits as a collective onto an undeserving royal. They will rise up and make it game seven…because I’m really needing the points in my playoff point.
Undeniably, I’ve been a T-Mac fan 4 lifez. Part of the enduring love and frustration for rooting a marvel such as he is not seeing his failure in the first round exits. Nay. It is our own unfulfilled expectations of superiority for a beast that cannot be defined—Darwin couldn’t draw shit like this.
If it were up to the 12 Gods of Kobol, T-Mac would’ve been ostracized long ago into Cylon kingdom. He’s not one of the pure NBA great. His storyline never changes. Worst of all, he keeps an arsenal of power that will only come out to attack when you least, and inconsequentially, expected. He is a frakking toaster.
But I still root for the guy. Because through his sideway eyes I see myself. One that was destined for greatness but for some reason our GPS gadget broke. We’re in perpetual lost-hood. Until we crawl ourselves out of the cave, there is but one option: faith in the unknown. That is the legend of the right shoulder vein.
As for the old soul Hawks versus the old old Celtics. It will make my heart warm up like the south if Atlanta maintains their idealism by flipping the script. No one gave them a single game. Yet Joe Johnson came to cross up that delusion (what up Leon Powe) by reminding the world he was once untouchable as an original mover of the ‘05 Phoenix Suns team. Let them pass and the world will be in total order. Chaos will be Boston’s street name.
Playoff Predictionales: West Side Story April 18, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , add a comment |
Your trusty all winning, all sexy playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s merchandise versus another. Marketing peeps, I’m your worst nightmare…
WEST
LAKERS’ Color Schemed Honda Element vs. NUGGETS’ Video Game Chair
First all, the Honda Element is the shittiest looking vehicle to have ever vehicled. But I mean, having it yellow does add a little something to it… like as if they were paying tribute to the Beatles. However, on the flip side, the Nuggets soft XBOX approved video gamey chair is just what’s needed when the team gets swept and homers need something to do. LAKERS IN 4.
MAVERICKS’ Potato Head vs. HORNETS’ TV Monitor
Well, the Mavs have a disadvantage here since Mr. Potato face’s toy is the norm for every all the teams. And yet, I can’t let go of the Hornet’s TV having half a basketball for an ass. But, I do love watching TV. HORNETS IN 6.
SPURS’ watch key vs. SUNS’ Girl Bear Cheerleader
Time… that’s all we’re ever worth. And the Spurs don’t have it anymore. And the girly Suns toy is just “bear-ly” legal. AH AHA HAHA HA. SUNS in 6.
JAZZ’s 80s colored Monster Truck vs. ROCKETS’ Cup
Jazz suck. Go McGrady. ROCKETS in 9.
Playoff Predictionales: East Side April 17, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Your trusty all winning, all true playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s cheerlady versus another. You best hope your team’s dancer’s bio ghostwriter was on their A-game…
EAST
CELTICS’s Haley vs. HAWKS’ Briana in Movie Tastes
Haley says she likes Elf and Pride and Prejudice while Bri is all about the Judd Apatow: Knocked Up, Superbad and Wedding Crashers for good measure. Look Haley, you can like Elf, you can like Pride and Prejudice, but you CANNOT have them both on your bio. HAWKS IN 7.
WIZARD’s Briana vs. CAVALIERS’ ?? in Interesting Facts
Briana loves math and the Cavs can’t even get someone to put a name to their dancers = FACT: Zards in 5
RAPTORS’ Nikki vs. MAGIC’s Lacey in Favorite TV Show
Nikki likes The Hills and Now & Then while Lacey likes King of Queens. Oh fuck this series is going to suck. PUSH
PISTONS’ Chelsea vs. SIXERS’ Amber in Quotes
C. is all about “Pick your battles wisely” while Ambz believes “It’s not luck… it’s talent. Luck is when talent meets opportunity.” So, obviously this resonates with their breakthrough team… thus… Sixer in—ah who am I kidding, Pistons in 2 and a half. Yeah, they’ll make the 76ers forfeit.
…and honest to Pope Benedict, yes I feel a bit pervy. But deep down, don’t we all?
Craigslist Around The League December 20, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Miami Heat, New Orleans Hornets, New York Knicks, Unrelatedness, Washington Wizards , 3 comments |
Everyone loves Craigslist. And that’s not just the new comedy I’m pitching to Canada’s CTV channel. But you know, the Craigslist. Anyway, I was browsing through looking for a male stri— um, looking for “furniture” when guess what? Some of the entries seem to be striking a little close to the NBA home I heart dearly. Take a look at some samples here…
| new orleans craigslist > media coverage | email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
Looking for media hype.
Reply to: comm-1233532@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 11:37AM EST
I’m looking for better media coverage of my sensational 2nd year as a PG in the NBA. Look, it really doesn’t matter to me one way or another, but it’s going to make my mom happy. So, help me out okay?
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: New Orleans
| new york craigslist > men seeking men > free stuff |
email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
***Free MONEY!!!***
Reply to: comm-541212@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 12:57PM EST
Yo fellas, I have this scam going on. It’s crazy! My boss is giving me so much money and total freedom to do whatever the fuck I want. Come work with me! There are supposedly “customers”, but those sunts can’t do shit! We’ll rip one in the break room. Come on, it’s sooooo much money, like… A LOT. I can’t spend it all… in fact, I thought I spent as much as possible on as much crap as I could waiting to get fired, but NAH! I’m still here. You gotta come, it’s a freaking blast.
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: NYC
| washington DC craigslist > classes | email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
How to succeed successfully
Reply to: comm-8565412@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 3:25AM EST
So your leader is down, what do you do? Cry about it? No man, you take the leadership role and let the rest of the world know you’ve been here all along. Sure, some casual spectators masquerading as “true critics” will think that OUT OF NOWHERE, you’ve become this amazing beast, helping your peers that the fallen leader could not. But they are wrong. A true leader knows he could not go any further without the True Capitaine. You should also expect to do much better when your comrade comes back. That is the real leadership aspect.
For $100/class, I will teach you this. Or, if you have straws, I take that as compensation as well.
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Wash DC
| miami craigslist > volunteers | email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
EMERGENCY! Life support needed!
Reply to: comm-494615@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 4:12AM EST
Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I’m doing real bad here folks. Two years ago, I had it all: the praise, the fame and the glory. I don’t know what happened… well, I do… my circle of “friends” (ENABLERS!) have been coasting on life ever since we made it big together. Now we’re nothing. Bupkus. I think I take the most blame, thinking all the glory and the success will come back even if I don’t try. My wife had so much “work” done and now I don’t even know how to gain respect again.
Help!!!!
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Miami
| boston craigslist > missed connections |
email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
saw u @ work, remember me?
Reply to: comm-3484215@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 7:41AM EST
Um, I don’t usually do this… Well, while “working” on my lame job recently I think I saw you sitting across from me. See, my job, there’s really nothing for me to do. Seriously! Nothing.
I’m supposed to call the shots, but I think the guys pretty much have it figured out… I mean, I like getting paid, but it’s like I’m Julia Louis-Dreyfuss from the 1982 to 1985 SNL seasons—USELESS! So there I was, pretending to work, and I saw you. Hope you come by my work sometime again, I’ll be doing my usual faking. So, coffee?
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Boston
| memphis craigslist > misc romance |
email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
Fun times, but can you handle it?
Reply to: comm-34515416@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 8:02AM EST
Here there. By day, some people would think I’m a guy’s guy, seeing as what I do is dominated by guys. But I tell ya, I can pass as a high school girl’s soccer coach, if you know what I mean. But I’m only interested in serious relationships okay? If you want to meet, I’ll be at the salon getting hi-lites
XOXO
MiMi
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Memphis
While You Were Slapping: Boston Can’t Be Stopped November 15, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics , 1 comment so far |
Lucky Number Seven: That’s seven in a row to start the season for the Celtics. And they can easily finish the rest of November with a perfect record — Cleveland would give them a “challenge” if only for having the rep of going to the Finals last July, other than that, they’re horrible. Lakers I anticipate might upset because they’re just cowboys like that.
Welcome to Miami, Thank You For Visiting Miami: I can’t believe this team got a ring two years ago. The past 4 champs are always still top tier (Spurs, Detroit and 00 era Lakers) years after their Finals appearances while the Heat keep thinking that magical fairy dust that is “We’ll Turn It Up Later” will work. It so won’t. See exhibit A: losing to a winless, young Seattle team.
Like Clockwork: T-Mac tweaked something that isn’t anything damaging — in fact, he usually plays outta his mind after he comes back, however, if we can bottle his yearly tweaks and bumps into lottery ticket luck, I’d be $25 richer.
In Other News: Truth About It dot net is making me think I’m out of a job with some rad-manovic ’shops. But as soon as I saw a The Wire reference, alls is good in the world.
Live Blog: Celtics At Raptors On CBC (Seriously!) November 4, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Live Blogging, Toronto Raptors , 4 comments |
0:02:2 - Walter. Ray. Allen. Wins it. 98-95. I’m taking a nap
0:04.4 - Terrance. Jerod. Ford. Ties it.
0:07.8 - They went for the best basket instead of the fast tie from a driving TJ. Shows how much I know… not much.
0:18 - Free throw time, and Kevin nails only 1 of 2… time to draw up a play of Nick Lachey.
0:22 - All those haters out there that still say Garnett isn’t clutch should see this game. KG is torching the overtime over a mighty good defender in Bosh. 92-88
OT 2:33 - 85-85 just as Ray Ray and Ford trade 3s and KG and Bosh trade hoops. Hmm, CBC might have to bump Rick Mercer if this goes on any further!
End of Regulation - Pierce was iso’d from beginning to end and had a shot he normally makes, but yay for us, another 5 mins of missed shots! HUZZAH!
0:31 - Pop quiz hot shot, you’re down 2. Bosh is hot right now, what are you going to do? Yes, that’s right, don’t you dare drive slower than 55MPH
0:52 - James Posey wins the Lifetime Achievement Award for flopping
1:38 - Going back to Bosh.. I don’t know why KG isn’t defending him 78-76
2:38 - It’s a ball game folks 75-74 after Kapono and Posey trade 3s and Bosh hitting FTs
We’re stuck on 70-67 after several turnovers. I’m stuck on Falling-Asleep
7:00 - I love Yahoo’s description of play-by-play “8:53 BOS - Bad pass by J. Posey”
7:52 - 70 -66, thank you 3 point arc
10:16 - This just in: Ray Allen can shoot
10: 30 - It’s 66-58 and I like to applaud the Dinos for listening and not even try to guard Bri-Scal. Clunk clunk clunk
4th QT 11:06 - Man, seeing Bosh go at Garnett and working hard to get the bucket… *tear*… that young pup is all grown up I tells ya
2:13 - Love the way the Celtics are passing the ball to the open man. But uh- tip to the Raptors, DON’T CLOSE IN ON SCALABRINE. when you have Eddie House open
4:33 - YES! Past the 50 point mark! Pizzas for everyone! 53-45 Cs
3rd QT 10:39 - KG, meet your younger self at the rim, Bosh. Rejected yo 40-35
Halftime: 38-31… let me reiterate; THIRTY-EIGHT TO THIRTY-ONE. I need a beer, or 10.
1:41 - I blame this horrible game on CBC. Peter Mansbridge, you’re on notice. 37-26
3:52 - Garnett and co. totally shutting down Bosh and Bargs, yeah, pretty hard to win when your stars don’t have any points up on the big board
6:06 - You wouldn’t know it, but grass is growing on my tv set this game is so slow 30-22
8:33 - The defensive stops here, some 3s dropped shots here (courtesy of the Dazzling Delfino) the Raptors cut it to 23-22
2nd QT 10:45 - Holy crap Scott Pollard is playing some basketball! That hasn’t happened since 2002!
End of 1st - 23-14 Boston and it still looks weird to see KG in green.
2:08 - Kapono is actually more than 3 point guy and a 98 Degrees member lookalike, case in point: denied a lowpost pass to Pierce and ran the court to get a dish from Ford to finish a lay up
4:11 - 16-8, the Dinos aren’t at their usual passibility, credit goes to the tight defense. But yeah, one-on-one isn’t Toronto’s game
6:54 - Rondo turns it over. Dude, you got 3 HoF by your side, that’s not how you get on their good side. 7-2 Cs
9:20 - Bargs’s footwork defies any sort of reality based physics. You can’t tell if it’s traveling or just magic
1st QT 12:00 - Since Doc Rivers is out with the passing of a family member, I’m looking at this game as one of those “win it for coach y’all!” from the Celtics
– Pre-Game: George Stoumbasdfabnababoulous goes over all the disappoints and the new found glory of the Raps. It might seem like a stereotype for one to associate “edgy”, “cool”, “Greek” with rock clothing, but George pulls it off. + 20 Canadian points to him (y’know since it’s worth more than the U.S. dollar)
Ah, the Crown Corporation up here in Snowsville finally gets to show some Raptor games for those farm hillbillies in Alberta (I kid I kid… no one watches basketball in Alberta when watching wheat grow is so much more interesting!).
Anyway, I jot down notes here when the game starts up in a couple of tics. And I’m doing it REVERSE style! BOOM!
Stephen Colbert’s The Word Previews The NBA Pt.2 October 11, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 07/08 Season Previews, Boston Celtics, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Miami Heat, New Jersey Nets, San Antonio Spurs, TV Shows , add a comment |
Previously on Stephen Colbert’s “The Word” the NBA SECTION 1 was previewed. Today, NBA SECTION 2 consisting of the following teaming members: Celtics, Nets, Nuggets, Spurs, Rockets, Heat, Pistons
Just how do you define the road to the Finals? By the number of times teams been there before? By the pedigree of its coaches, future Hall of Fame players, or intrepid trainers? The only way to truly determine whether or a team is destined to have a date with Ms. Finals is today’s Word:
 Lucky Charms.
Let’s face it folks, 4 of the the 7 teams in Section 2 has some serious horseshoes up the anus. All thanks to the spry GM skillz that were able to land a group of winners. For those bemoaning the fact that the Celtics tanked last season and didn’t even try to hide, take a look at the Spurs modern era dominance — they tanked to get Tim Duncan.The Heat and the Pistons would seem to have more a legit rep seeing that they worked their way up year after year trying to get off road blocks. The Heat have practically done nothing this past season and from an outsider’s point of view, yet there is a hint of optimism with them. The Pistons resigned their show running Bbbbillups and maybe his dabble with the Team USA can get his swag back for another run with mo-town. The Nuggets are the odd man out in this Section outfit, since every year in the playoffs, they keep meeting the same fate: |
 They keep getting bounced in the playoffs by a team that is better than them in every way.
While the Nets, you can say, suffer the same undesirable outcome every spring, theirs isn’t as inevitable as the Nuggets would seem. You see, New Jersey looks and feels like that 2002-2004 team that went to the Finals back to back (thank god Jason Kidd is still there) because seemingly out of nowhere, they can dominate any team with their trifecta of Kidd, Carter and Jefferson. But alas, they always run out of steam when it really counts. |
 It’s a surprise to have the Rockettes in this group because like the Nuggets, they cannot get over the hump.
They’re far superior in the regular season, but when it comes to the playoffs, injuries keep this team from being at their top condition. However, those are excuses, there is no way this team shouldn’t make it out of the SECOND round this year. Yao, Mac, Scola, c’mon guys, what is this, a charity? |
 It’s fine time to not make any ultimatums (ya hear T-Mac) and do what you do.
Stop thinking of the past. Move on (.org) and just like the Mavericks two years ago defeated their big brother Spurs, so can the Rockets rework their usual playoff losery ways and finally bust out.Finally, speaking of busting out, the luck is running smooth for one KGarnett, playing with the highest spirits in preseason games aboard thinking he has the best basketball resurrection now. He does. And though it was a wild chance that he finally landed in Boston with two other future HoFs, it’s is own doing that will ascend him and his team to contend for his first title. |
 And that’s the word |
Party Flyers Everywhere! August 1, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Photoshopery , 4 comments |
If Z-Bo can have fun, why can’t KG?
Behind the Scenes of the Trade July 31, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Minnesota Timberwoves, Photoshopery, Trades , 9 comments |
[Phone rings]
Danny Ainge: yeeeeello? Double Dose of Danny Ainge at your service!
Kevin McHale: It’s… it’s me… K-Dawg
Danny Ainge: K-man! How’s it hanging? Doing good? Did you see the Simpsons movie??
McHale: Yeah! It was pretty awesome! Didn’t you love the part where— hold up… there was something I called you for…
Ainge: You need to borrow money?
McHale: No.. that wasn’t it…
Ainge: …need to borrow cocaine?
McHale: hmm, might’ve been it, but I don’t think so..
Ainge: oh, maybe you wanted to borrow my hooker?
McHale: hahaha no you silly, she’s already at my place, don’t you remember?
Ainge: hah, oh my, yes.
McHale: Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not important. Glad we talked bra
Ainge: Anytime chum!
[meanwhile…]
Woah, Kevin Garnett ISN’T a Timberwolf Anymore? July 30, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Minnesota Timberwoves, Trades , 7 comments |
The biggest question first: But What About Mark Madsen? Who is he going to turn to when he’s out there screaming by his lonesome?? Oh sigh.
And yeah, pretty big news… only like… 4 years in the making. Kevin Garnett is going to be a Celtic.
The trade is for Al Jefferson, Ryan Gomes, Gerald Green, Sebastian Telfair, Theo Ratliff, a giant sandwich, three juice boxes, nine boxes of Juicy Fruit a No. 1 pick.
On the one hand, KG not in the dreary old Minnesota uniform is a welcoming sight. It’s also good to see him able to take a leap of faith in a new direction. However, on the other hand… meh… it’s the Celtics. They just traded away their entire bench (and possibly 3/4 Red Auerbach’s cigar collection) for millions and millions of dolla $igns.
Oh I’ll be watching, hopefully — Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Garnett is bananas, but let’s be real for 2 seconds: they are not going to win a championship. Sorry Bostonians, not like this.
Try to explain the West...
