Stephen Colbert’s The Word Previews The NBA Pt.4 October 27, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 07/08 Season Previews, Charlotte Bobcats, Los Angeles Lakers, Memphis Grizzlies, New York Knicks, Philadelphia 76ers, Sacramento Kings, Utah Jazz , add a comment |
The finality of The Word previews concludes today (a couple days late… drinking will do that to you…) so revisit the amusement park parts 1, part 2 and part trez. On today’s slot contains various thoughts on NBA’s SECTION 4: the Bobcats, Lakers, GrizzNutzz, the Knicks, 76ers, da Kings and the Jazzies.
To cop Jim Dale for a minute: the facts are these — while 5 of the 7 teams in here fourth section truly don’t even come close to have a chance to matter in the playoffs. BUT they will be unbelievably entertaining every time they’re on the teevee screen. It’s the Law of We Have No Idea What They’ll Do. Which brings us to today’s Word:
 Darkhorse.
Yup. It’s a known fact with 30 teams competing for a title there’s bound to be 29 teams that will lose (I used a calculator to figure that one out). So with those “bad” teams, we only have one recourse. That is to guess which one can, beyond any reasonable logic, rip the league to shreds like the Warriors have last year. Just one look at the Bobstars and the Grizzlies we should all think of one thing: |
 Spontaneous Combustion.
The ‘Cats import of Jason Richardson, the uprising of Walter Herrmann (2 Rs 2 Ns bitches!) and an absent Morrison means absolute reckless abandon. The Grizz can finally start the 06 season, a year late, with Gasol finally back and having an extra Spaniard who can shoot on his side. Also adding to their venom is the PHX Sun coach set to spill the beans on how to run. These two are the positive examples, while the Knicks and the Lakers… |
 That’s right Bullet.
These guys are a must watch if only because you can’t not watch what’s going to happen. For the Knicks, you really want to them to win so that we’ll create an Anomaly Award for the next generation. For the Lakers, you’re going to be zoned into every sweat gland of Kobe and just see how much he’ll gun away to spite his boss or how much he’ll gun away to spite his boss. There is no spoon. But sure, these teams may be a joke, but the same can’t be said about the Jazz. |
 That’s a winning team right there.
Sloan, the ever immortal coach much like Arvin Sloan of Alias molded the young pups into a scrappy fighter that won’t let down for 13 rounds. The only thing that’s missing is that one sure thing that can catapult them from a sure win to a sure “close”. Just ask Tim Duncan the difference. Now on to the enigmas of this enigmatic section. The Kings and the Sixers. I truly don’t know what to say about these two squard. |
 Because they haven’t given me much to talk about.
The Kings, once a proud member of the Playoffs society is now trying to straddle the “new culture” line (Theus, Martin) while keeping around relics of their past dominance (Bibby). It’s hard to decide how much you want to root for them when they themselves aren’t rooted in an identity. And finally, the Sixers. Oh boy. Iggy, you my man, I wish you all the luck and hope you destroy the league one day… I guess what I’m trying to say is, good luck buddy, you’ll need it. |
 And that’s the word. Mmm, delicious word… |
Move Over Avatar, Charlotte’s Got The Kids’ Angle Now September 18, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Charlotte Bobcats, Photoshopery , 1 comment so far |
And doesn’t the left cheek of the supposed Bobcat (his left) look like a football? Or maybe it’s a scar. No wait! A tattoo … damn he’s a cool cat (tee hee!)
A Look At The Signings So Far July 12, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Charlotte Bobcats, New Jersey Nets, Orlando Magic, Toronto Raptors , 6 comments |
You need to know who’s going where for how much $$? Well, go look up it guy, I’m not your mom. Oh wait, um, sorry! Please come back! I’m cranky because I didn’t have my morning cookie. Alright, alllright… I’m better now. So, here is the exhaustive comprehensive list of all thing Free Agency signage:
Chauncey Billups: $60 Mil, 5 years
First thing to purchase: 500 iPhones, one for each of his contacts
Rashard Lewis: $4274580223147 Mil, ? years
First thing to purchase: Canada
Gerald Wallace: $57 Mil, 6 years
First thing to purchase: Bethlehem Shoals‘ apartment
Jason Kapono: $24 Mil, 4 years
First thing to purchase: more hair gel
Cookie Monster: 10 000 Cookies Carrots, 10 years
First thing to purchase: the hell? you can’t buy shit with carrots, what a dumbass… carrots…
Michael Moore: $40 Mil, 2 years
First thing to purchase: a life size doll of Dr. Sanjay Gupta and burn it
Vince Carter: $61 Mil, 4 years
First thing to purchase: a new cooter
Tidbits: DJ, Trade Yawnage, Adrian Woj Is “Blogging” and Matt Carroll February 23, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Charlotte Bobcats, Miami Heat, Photoshopery, Trades , 7 comments |
A solemn goodbye to Dennis Johnson. CelticsBlog is definitely a place to turn to for perspective and while you’re there, give the guys a good ‘ol blog-hug.
Steven Kerr and J-Mac also wrote about DJ’s lasting effect on the word ‘tough’. RIP DJ.
Speaking of Kerr, dude does it all. After doing color commentary for TNT he has the intestinal fortitude to write about how the Heat can still “theoritically” make it work without Wade. Dude, Steve, bro, buddy, I know you’re throwing them a bone and being a respected analyst of the NBA you’ve got to do that.. but c’mon man, say it with me “the-HEAT-are-done” ahh.. feels good huh.
But look, I’m only burying the team and seriously not giving them a chance now so that when they prove me wrong, it’ll be so much easier to root for them. Think about it: they’re in no position to win—8th in the East with Joisey breathing down just one and a half games behind, Wade out 6 weeks to cry some more, and Riles JUST came back… and oh yeah, only 28 games to be played. “Underdog” is right my friends! If they somehow make it and have Wade back strong, hell yeah I’ll be rooting for them, and I’m not a hypocrite if I stated my intentions (true story).
So follow my equation $latex \frac{x+Heat}{y-Wade}= \int y \mathrm{\Psi}x \times \frac{\Theta}{\Phi} \textit{ where y is Playoffs}&s=4$
As you can see, my logic is failproof.
Okay, so the big trades were Fred Jonessss to Portland, Juan Dixon to T-Dot, Anthony Johnson to Hawks and ALAN F’ning HENDERSON to the Jazz. Awesome. Though I’ll say this about Dixon’s move, he’s another solid “scoring” PG for the Raps but since Calderon and Ford are pretty good combo as it is, I have a feeling Dix might have a hard time seeing PT (unless he becomes straight up lock-down defender…)
Matt Carroll. Why did I bring up this obscure cat from the Bobcats? I have no freaking clue. Well, maybe because the last point in Rick Bonnell’s Charlotte Observer blog (if only I can grow a moustache…) he mentioned that Carroll is an all around balla, not just a shooter.
– Most people see Matt Carroll as just a shooter. He’s not. He’s an all-around basketball player who can shoot. During Morrison’s scoring run, Carroll grabbed two huge rebounds against taller players. He’s tough, smart and productive.
Carroll’s line is 43% from the field on 3 of 8, goes to the FT stripe tearing up 92% style, getting 11pts per all in 24 minutes this year. And you know he’s a thug because he’s all arm-band and shit! Matt Carroll, Obama’s running mate.
And lastly, I noticed Yahoo¿ now has faux-blogs from Adrian Wojnarowski here. Good for The ‘Hoo! but the comments section is uugh.. so very message-board-y.. *shudder*
NBA’s Next Top Model October 22, 2006
Posted by TheHype in Atlanta Hawks, Charlotte Bobcats, NBA TOONS , 7 comments |
I’m going to say it, I don’t care: Adam Morrison is fugly. There. I know, I know, I’m going against the “popular crowd” on this, but I’m totally going to stick to my convictions on this one. I’m sorry ladies, but while everyone is in love with Adam’s boyish looks, I just have to say no. I’m just trying to keep it real yo.
(oh, my sarcasm machine just broke)
Preview-icious: The Hawks’ preview from Impending Firestorm is here and the Charlotte Bobcats from Bobcat Bonfire gets previewed over here.
In UnrelatednessNews: I’ll be doing my school’s underground radio show (that’s right, I’m going old school, not this podcast mumbo jumbo where you can download it and listen to it whenever— it’s internet streamed! Yeah, one time only bitches) tomorrow (Monday) at 2pm ET over at CJLO.com to talk about, yes, the NBA preview!! If you have a chance out of your busy schedule of real work, have a listen.
But you know, it’s a university type radio show… don’t expect anything fancy. Addition to that, don’t expect anything fancy from me! I’ll try my hardest to pretend to know what I’m talking about.
So, for the conclusion of this Sunday, I leave you with the future face of Pop-Superstardom:
1 Team In 1 Hour – Bobcats September 6, 2006
Posted by TheHype in Charlotte Bobcats , add a comment |
TheHype
9/6/2006 8:53:45 AM
NBA Ball and Other Unrelatedness basketball columnist, goofy-looking kid, and lover of tea Hype is looking at one NBA team each day in just about an hour for the whole month of September. He wrote this in 15mins because something shiny caught his attention.
Season Preview
Charlotte Bobcats
First of all, I cannot stress enough times how great it is that the dude who gave the world “Hot In Heeerrrrrrrrre” is an owner of an NBA franchise. That alone gives this team an edge of something, I haven’t decided what yet. And secondly, while we’re on the topic of owners, Michael Jordan is lending his money counting skills in also being part owner of this team. So, if you’re keeping score at home, the owners are: Rap guy that used to have a band-aid on his cheeks—CHECK; former basketball great but now misses shots without anyone guarding—CHECK; guy that created a tv station that produced 106 & Park?—CHECK and CHECK
Well, moving on to something a bit more substantial: Players. Omeka Okafor only played 26 games last season due to injury so this year he’ll have something to prove and make the most of this comeback. They got some kid that cries and plays basketball from time to time high in the draft. And…and…um.. They have Walter Herrmann? (Geez this is harder than I thought it would be)
Alright, so there really isn’t that much one can say about a team just going into their 3rd birthday.. But know this: I did not watch one single game of the Bobcats, ever.
(TheHype’s totally uninformed, irresponsible and more importantly, not-so-funny views do not reflect those of the company. In fact, we’re trying to replace him with a younger, buffer CW-type of actor and hope no one notices…)
30 teams in 30 days [tsn.ca]
-this post goes into the meh attempt lunacy section-
