Slama-jama-Obama! Illustration: TheHype

When you see the reigning lion running full steam into your defense, do the sensible thing any driver in the mist of the NBA would do: Pull the hand break and jump the fuck out of the car—Jason Statham style.

You do not want to get punked on national tee-vee. In fact, that’s 5 demerit points right there.

Things to look out for in avoiding this:

It’s probably when your team is up or very close in points against this type of road subject that your internal hazard light should flicker. Once you’ve acknowledged that this is the case, hold on tight because the thunder will come down any moment. Be sure to report it to the insurance that it was their fault.

LeBron on Deng [YouTube]

Morning Drive: Where student basketball drivers get to learn their basic theory before approaching daddy’s BMW Z4, because you’ll fuck it up bad, real bad.

It begins henceforth — NBA SECTION 1 (consisting of the following teams: Raptors, Mavs, Hawks, Bulls, Magic, Warriors, Timberwolves and Suns) :

You know, one of the things that I can’t stand are teams that have no identity and weak toothpicks.

Why? Because every time you use that damn toothpick, it breaks. Argh! Oh yeah, no identity teams, right. Which brings us to today’s Word: The ReBorn Identity. Yes. Finally it looks like the axis of mediocre evil is finally taking a halt as teams in SECTION 1 have a new definition for themselves. You’ve got the team just needling the mass love in the Raptors poised to show off their free flowing style that is exciting to watch for all the reasons you’d like playing pick up basketball — everyone contributes. The Hawks and Magic will undoubtedly use their collective snub from playoff land and shared experience of losing to be a team that will not win from “surprising” you, but will win because they can. It’s like this, once you lose as bad as you have like them for the past 4-5 years, there’s only one way to go.

Up. So stick with those teams this year, if for no other reason than they need a few more fans. Now speaking of up, the Suns and Mavs are in the mortal lock for total cancellation of each other. While they have re-made their image in the last 5 years to contending squads, there is still a lot to be answered for in terms to truly bypassing the rock solid Spurs. For one thing, Mavs getting shook could be a good thing, using it to fuel their hunger. For the Suns, it doesn’t seem like they ever want to go away from the “we are truly good, we just need that liiiiiiittle alignment in the universe and we’ll be in the Finals.” Now look, the Suns are the team to root for, but there’s just always this little obstacle…

…this little obstacle called “closing”. They just can’t seal the deal, and it pains me to face this truth whenever they face an uphill battle (Game 3 in San Antonio notwithstanding). The same query faces the young guns that keep making playoff appearances that only serve to embarrass their yearly inexperience at score. IF YOU DON’T KNOW BY NOW, I’M TALKIN’ BOUT CHI-TOWN. Whereas with with the T-Wolves and Warriors, all is skyrocketing and they are taking off in flight without ever looking back

Shut it Bullet! These two teams have more in common than they would like to believe. Renewed energy and new blood to mark a sea of change to not give a shit about what happened last season. The only sadness is the absence of Jason Richardson where he embodied the free spirit of sweet release on every dunk. Juwan Howard feels his pain.

By having a new identity is like having a new movie role. You take the old bad experience and check in with a completely new one. And that’s The Word.

God that took long enough!

Okay so I gots to run (tra la la la) and get some mundane stuff done today so this post is just up if y’all want to chime in about the Pistons/Bulls game which you ALL WATCHED right?

(pfft, I didn’t! I was checking up on Scrubs yo… I can’t believe JD and Elliot??!! WHyyyy SIX Years people, not this again!)

But hey guess what? I’ll do a live blog of tonight’s UGGGGhhh Game 7 up in here. I liked the comments coming in from last post, so those around the PC/laptop/brain-injected-internet hookup while watching the Suns and Spurs titilate, join me later tonight cool? I said, COOL? Nice!

Oh and Smorgasblog is up… if you’re into that kind of thing!

Jerk.

Oh where was I, ah yes. This feature I used to do (and even then, it was sparse) where I’d do a link dump of sorts of all the vunderful internet things I could find. Why don’t I do it as often anymo? Well… for the 1 of you that probably enjoyed this, it’s because of the fun times I’m having over at the Haus as well as Ballhype (helping out and doing behind the scenes stuff, level 3 clearance ish!) so yeeaah, I’ve been neglecting the rest of the internet world, forsaking it in the name of sports blogs. Ah well.

Since the Bulls don’t have any answer to, well, anything the Pistons shove at them, not much to say about that series. When you had the game in your claws and let the lead slip— it’s not your time Baby Bulls. MJD with more/better words and better analygistz. Geez, I bet even the Detroit PA announcer John Mason can score against Chicago. Soo….

Here are some fun findings to keep ya busy for a good 6 months:

• Mister Irrelevent turned 3, I’m The Unrelatedness about to turn 1 in a couple weeks (ooh! my submission for Mottram’s Out of the Basement feature is up)

• Ballhype SmorgasBlog #2

• Han Solo in chocolate form… hmm… intergalactic candy… hmm

• Another sign of the canine revolution to enslave humanity

• Homer Simpson on the 360. Fact: my last console was the Dreamcast (you might find it under the category: Things That Died As Soon As It Was Born)

• Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Cancel! Friday Night Lights is back next year! Huzzah!

• A week old now, but pretty funny: DisneyLand: Made in Taiwan

There ya go, as always you can also find me doing stuff at the NBA FanHouse and my Ballhype blog (where I pretend to know about other sports as I blog about it). You can keep track with the RSS feeds I’ve put on the right sidebar.

AMAZING game tonight. I’m picking Warriors by 8327 points and Oakland to turn into Raccoon City after all’s said and done. Go Nellie Beer, er, Ball!

Captions are muchos welcome!

“That’s right Andres! Think about THIS next time you try to come from behind to steal a win! Mwhahaah.”

Okay.. between me and you? These were recycled from two months ago…. Since I wanted to fill my self-imposed quota of one post a day, I’ll just redact what I said yesterday of taking today as a break (well, I still took a break, since it’s not fresh ish, you know what I’m sayin!)

Check out the latest preview from Blog a Bull for, (shocker!) the Chicago Bulls. Here’s a snippet:

Skiles’ is not exclusively a defensive coach, his offensive plan for the Bulls does its best to mask the lack of a low-post scorer and uses disciplined spacing, screening, driving/kicking and good-ole’fashioned ball movement (fun fact to impress with at dinner parties: The Bulls were the fifth-highest paced team in the NBA last season) to spread the scoring load among Hinrich, Luol Deng, Andres Nocioni, and their best pure scorer, Ben Gordon.

And just for fun: (even though it’s been out for a while, but news to me!) In another one of those quirky mashups: Q-Unit, the wonderful blend of Queen and 50 Cent. Though not as musically satisfying as Grey Album, Gnarls Biggie or Wu Orleans (arguable), it’s fun if you don’t pay too much attention to it and just let it be background noise.

*psssst, that’s Charles Oakley..I didn’t get his face right..don’t kill me!