Playoff Predictionales: West Side Story April 18, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , add a comment |
Your trusty all winning, all sexy playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s merchandise versus another. Marketing peeps, I’m your worst nightmare…
WEST
LAKERS’ Color Schemed Honda Element vs. NUGGETS’ Video Game Chair
First all, the Honda Element is the shittiest looking vehicle to have ever vehicled. But I mean, having it yellow does add a little something to it… like as if they were paying tribute to the Beatles. However, on the flip side, the Nuggets soft XBOX approved video gamey chair is just what’s needed when the team gets swept and homers need something to do. LAKERS IN 4.
MAVERICKS’ Potato Head vs. HORNETS’ TV Monitor
Well, the Mavs have a disadvantage here since Mr. Potato face’s toy is the norm for every all the teams. And yet, I can’t let go of the Hornet’s TV having half a basketball for an ass. But, I do love watching TV. HORNETS IN 6.
SPURS’ watch key vs. SUNS’ Girl Bear Cheerleader
Time… that’s all we’re ever worth. And the Spurs don’t have it anymore. And the girly Suns toy is just “bear-ly” legal. AH AHA HAHA HA. SUNS in 6.
JAZZ’s 80s colored Monster Truck vs. ROCKETS’ Cup
Jazz suck. Go McGrady. ROCKETS in 9.
Playoff Predictionales: East Side April 17, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Your trusty all winning, all true playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s cheerlady versus another. You best hope your team’s dancer’s bio ghostwriter was on their A-game…
EAST
CELTICS’s Haley vs. HAWKS’ Briana in Movie Tastes
Haley says she likes Elf and Pride and Prejudice while Bri is all about the Judd Apatow: Knocked Up, Superbad and Wedding Crashers for good measure. Look Haley, you can like Elf, you can like Pride and Prejudice, but you CANNOT have them both on your bio. HAWKS IN 7.
WIZARD’s Briana vs. CAVALIERS’ ?? in Interesting Facts
Briana loves math and the Cavs can’t even get someone to put a name to their dancers = FACT: Zards in 5
RAPTORS’ Nikki vs. MAGIC’s Lacey in Favorite TV Show
Nikki likes The Hills and Now & Then while Lacey likes King of Queens. Oh fuck this series is going to suck. PUSH
PISTONS’ Chelsea vs. SIXERS’ Amber in Quotes
C. is all about “Pick your battles wisely” while Ambz believes “It’s not luck… it’s talent. Luck is when talent meets opportunity.” So, obviously this resonates with their breakthrough team… thus… Sixer in—ah who am I kidding, Pistons in 2 and a half. Yeah, they’ll make the 76ers forfeit.
…and honest to Pope Benedict, yes I feel a bit pervy. But deep down, don’t we all?
Stephen Colbert’s The Word Previews The NBA Pt.2 October 11, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 07/08 Season Previews, Boston Celtics, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Miami Heat, New Jersey Nets, San Antonio Spurs, TV Shows , add a comment |
Previously on Stephen Colbert’s “The Word” the NBA SECTION 1 was previewed. Today, NBA SECTION 2 consisting of the following teaming members: Celtics, Nets, Nuggets, Spurs, Rockets, Heat, Pistons
Just how do you define the road to the Finals? By the number of times teams been there before? By the pedigree of its coaches, future Hall of Fame players, or intrepid trainers? The only way to truly determine whether or a team is destined to have a date with Ms. Finals is today’s Word:
 Lucky Charms.
Let’s face it folks, 4 of the the 7 teams in Section 2 has some serious horseshoes up the anus. All thanks to the spry GM skillz that were able to land a group of winners. For those bemoaning the fact that the Celtics tanked last season and didn’t even try to hide, take a look at the Spurs modern era dominance — they tanked to get Tim Duncan.The Heat and the Pistons would seem to have more a legit rep seeing that they worked their way up year after year trying to get off road blocks. The Heat have practically done nothing this past season and from an outsider’s point of view, yet there is a hint of optimism with them. The Pistons resigned their show running Bbbbillups and maybe his dabble with the Team USA can get his swag back for another run with mo-town. The Nuggets are the odd man out in this Section outfit, since every year in the playoffs, they keep meeting the same fate: |
 They keep getting bounced in the playoffs by a team that is better than them in every way.
While the Nets, you can say, suffer the same undesirable outcome every spring, theirs isn’t as inevitable as the Nuggets would seem. You see, New Jersey looks and feels like that 2002-2004 team that went to the Finals back to back (thank god Jason Kidd is still there) because seemingly out of nowhere, they can dominate any team with their trifecta of Kidd, Carter and Jefferson. But alas, they always run out of steam when it really counts. |
 It’s a surprise to have the Rockettes in this group because like the Nuggets, they cannot get over the hump.
They’re far superior in the regular season, but when it comes to the playoffs, injuries keep this team from being at their top condition. However, those are excuses, there is no way this team shouldn’t make it out of the SECOND round this year. Yao, Mac, Scola, c’mon guys, what is this, a charity? |
 It’s fine time to not make any ultimatums (ya hear T-Mac) and do what you do.
Stop thinking of the past. Move on (.org) and just like the Mavericks two years ago defeated their big brother Spurs, so can the Rockets rework their usual playoff losery ways and finally bust out.Finally, speaking of busting out, the luck is running smooth for one KGarnett, playing with the highest spirits in preseason games aboard thinking he has the best basketball resurrection now. He does. And though it was a wild chance that he finally landed in Boston with two other future HoFs, it’s is own doing that will ascend him and his team to contend for his first title. |
 And that’s the word |
Usher Is Going to the Finals (And, I Guess, the Cavaliers) June 3, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Finals, 2007 Playoffs, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Linkage, Photoshopery , 2 comments |
What do you know, the Cavaliers of all teams, are going to the NBA Finals.
How they will fare against the Spurs will be for another day, for now — I dunno quite how to accept it all.
LeBron: we know he can do this. Even though throughout the season (and I guess, his career thus far) we weren’t sure just how he’ll do it. Yes, his shear freak basketball game is as good as it gets (apologies to Kobe Bryant… but you’re doing radio shows as I type) but were we sure this was going to happen? Truly madly, deeply sure?
My answer is no. Just like Allen Iverson’s 2001 run to the Finals (even then, he was in his 6th year, with a deep cast: Larry Brown as coach, Mount Mutombo in his prime, Derek McKey (what the hell happened to him?) and E-Snow) we’re rooting for the star. But unlike AI, LeBron is doing it differently: he not only trust his teammates, he trust that his team is good, like, very good.
It’s a different feeling to watching the Cavaliers — they’re not just watching the King James Show, they’re producing, writing and editing the whole thing that Iverson, or Bryant can’t in recent years. What’s also amazing is that he’s a kid that’s dreamt big to get here, on his own shoulders, but is making sure he doesn’t ruin the whole thing with excess pride that often times shadow the goal.
Blogs that are happy: YAY!sports, Sports Rush
Blogs that are unhappy: Detroit Bad Boys, Need4Sheed
In Other News:
Steve Kerr won’t soothe us with his melodic voice no more as he’s going to be GM of the Phoenix Suns. I really like Kerr as an analyst throughout these past couple of years whether it was on TNT or Yahoo! Sports. He has a wicked sense of humour and is able to communicate effectively his point of view. Obviously sometimes he’s wrong on some things, but for the most part, Kerr is fantasic breaking down why a certain play isn’t working or what was missing. I think his insight with the Spurs will do wonders for the Suns, because they will always face them in the playoffs one way or another. Signal To Noise has more player-to-GM grading if you like to compare and contrast.
LeBron! Detroit! Game 6! Jubilations! June 2, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons , 5 comments |
The picture above captures everything.
EVERYTHING.
It shows how Les Brons is creeping himself into supernova mode. It shows his crawl to greatdom. It shows… his fingertips!
Yeah he’s probably dead tired and sore all over for today. But damn if he doesn’t suddenly have way more energy than Darryl Armstrong on crack. Here’s my best guess for tonight’s showdown:
> Lebron will get double teamed all night with Lindsey Hunter on his jock the entire time, shadowing him
> Damon Jones comes back from the beauty salon and hits multiple 3s due to said double team: rain drops!
> Rasheed will get his 6th tech and then subsequently bite off Flip Saunder’s ear
> Steve Kerr will make a funny joke about his GM situation in Phoenix
> Final Score: 103-100 OT, Cavaliers win… crazy I know.
Predictions. Comments. Nude pictures. All are welcome in the comments section. Ahoy!
LeBron Doing It At 22, I Now Feel Like A Fetus June 1, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Photoshopery , 11 comments |
So many times, when you’re “sorta” rooting for the underdog… be it Iverson, Vince Carter (I KNOW I KNOW, shhh!), T-Mac, those folks that just… so… close… to winning on their own. What happens?
They fail. They always fail.
Dwyane Wade is kind of the exception I guess. But that was a total anomaly, no idea how that happened.
LeBron, with his “who’s who” (seriously, WHO are those guys) rag tag gang of humanoids he calls teammates, is about to make me believe that the star can do this. Now I’m projecting further, I WANT James to win this series. So that I can see him prove it again against the Spurs. So say we all.
How LeBron Got the Universe On His Side May 30, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Trades , 3 comments |
LeBron, allowing his
armpits to shineWell, golly gee wonkers, would you look at that. As if by magic, Roi James has now sparked a much needed excitement back into the decaying corpse of what was the 2007 Playoffs. Surely, it wasn’t his overall offensive output, at least not the traditional gauge (25, 7, 11? pfft, my imagary dog can do that), but it was just the way he hovers above the obstacle.
To be frank, he’s playing the way I’d want him to play in that given situation (this might sound absurd, but the Vince Carters of the world have caused so many wounds) by doing all the possible moves I’d prefer over moves I do not prefer.
So what was it, exactly, that allowed LBJ to capitalize on winning, as well as getting back the love of fans all over again? There must be of equal hate elsewhere in the world right?
So, I honour it by investigating the Top 5 Universe Hating That’s Helping Lebron:
#5 THE HOOPS WORLD (or 78% at least) HATES THE SPURS
|
“Blue Steel”
The Down-Lo
It’s not a stretch right? I mean, besides those wickedly funny dudes over at Pounding the Rock… and I guess… some people at the airport, San Antonio true love isn’t really there. Even the Flopper gets a bad grade on the Haus.
Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)
8.3 — could be higher, but Beno Udrih is the man!
How It Helps LeBron
Setting up for a Duncan vs. LeBROWN showdown…
| #4 THE MEDIA HATES ATHLETES’ LIVES |
The Down-Lo
A lot of the recent “big stories” from news outlets seem to focus on the smallest things pro athletes are doing, that has nothing whatsoever to do with the sport. I’m not defending them (both athlete and media) per se, but does the public really care about it past the initial gut reaction
Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)
9.6 — I mean, I can only care about a $xx million guy’s club activities for so long
How It Helps LeBron
Well, good thing is he’s still in the Playoffs, so no distractions for him!
| #3 THE POLISH GOVERNMENT HATES THE TELETUBIES |
How do I know you’re gay?
The Down-Lo
Dude, how did the headline writer get away with this? And how can I have a beer with him or her?
Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)
7.9 — C’mon Poland, puppet homophobia?
How It Helps LeBron
Not. At. All.
| #2 THIS GUY HATES TUCKING IN HIS SHIRT |
| #1 KOBE BRYANT HATES THE LAKERS |
Kobe on the Buss of dooooooom
The Down-Lo
Kobe&
Kobe &
Kobe &
Kobe&
Kobe
Hate Meter (1 low, 10 high)
10 000 — you can hear his craving to bite off the head of anyone sporting a Lakers Official credential
How It Helps LeBron
This will be like his past, present and future all mixed nicely into one dramatic bomb which he can study and make sure never to go through
Monday Thumbtacks May 28, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Linkage, Photoshopery , 2 comments |
Huzzah for LeBron Flight School, because enrollment is now available. THAT’s what we’re talking about. Hopefully he can keep at this tempo because Detroit’s backcourt is killing themselves right now. I’m not sure based on Game 3, that we can say the Cavs can win this, because Detroit still hasn’t played a good game yet.
Tonight the Mormons come out again and fight for their Playoff lives. I say Utah wins, only because the “Energy Solutions” arena is radioactive and gives the Jazz the unfair advantage.
Here are the thumbtacks yo:
- Blog Show NUMBER TEN. Great job as always Mr. Mottz and Steinz!
- Boobie (he he he he) Gibson is actually pretty good. Don’t believe? J-Beanie Sports broketh it downeth.
- Ballhype is now Facebook widgetized son! I personally don’t have a Facebook… because well, those type of pages require pictures right. And I photograph as well as Dennis Franz’ asscheeks (wait — was that compliment… hrmm)
- Big Lead was uberly dissatisfied with the UFC match. Well, at least Liddell can do some more cameos on Entourage
- Kobe Bryant, the man has a way with words. Oh, and yeah, he has a way with fucking everyone up with said words.
- Zero, Agent. Talk. Rehab? Slow. Gaming, high. Hibachi return later
- Just want link to Fear the Beard, very very ha ha stuff those Beardies.
My God The Eastern Conference Finals Hates Us; New Inside the NBA Spinoff Show May 25, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Linkage, Photoshopery, TV Shows , 4 comments |
How else can you explain the horrible-ness that is the under 80 points for both Games 1 and 2? I know they like to slow down those games, but DAMN, give us something. The issue is more than the low scoring obviously, but it’s more about the lackluster ompf of intensity.
Every play feels slow… and painfully predestrian. Here’s why:
Pistons side of things — they’ve been there for the past 5 years. They probably KNOW they can win this easy (as they should) but even they can’t even fool themselves into turning up the switch and being straight out dominating. Detroit is going by “willing the win” only. Certainly, if this is against the Spurs, they don’t have a catch, but it’s Cleveland, they don’t know crap.
Cavalier side of things — It’s on Lebron. No, I’m not saying BronBron is to be blamed for the two losses where his decision is being questioned all over. But that the entire team is as good as he is. That’s a knock on the Cavs not Lebron. No one else is making it hard for the Pistons. Seriously who? Big Z, slow. Sasha has a girl’s name so right away that’s a wash. Gooden? I forgot he was even in this series.
Nope, there’s nothing on the Cavs side that make me think: oh gee willikers, the Pistons might have trouble with him
Now, for something different…
If you’re like me… nearly impossible, because I’m 12 feet tall, you certainly love Inside the NBA. It’s more than a post game recap, it’s an actual good television show — it’s got humour, graphics, music choices are spendid. By now everyone knows the characters: EJ (though wasn’t on last night)’s the straight man, making jabs here and there on Chuck; Charles is the Homer Simpson of the bunch; Magic Johnson wants to sound like he’s about to be quoted, and Kenny just rolls with it. I would love to see the show being franchised, you know, like Law & Order and all 68 versions of C.S.I.
HMMMMMM…
Ernie Johnson: Welcome to Inside the Laser Tag alongside with me as always is Hall of Famer Magic Johnson, Kenny the Jet Smith and Charles Barkley…
Charles Barkley: Hey Ernie! Let me just say something real quick here. LOOK, I don’t care if the Blue team is losing, I’m still picking them to win the series. They showed something I haven’t seen before and that’s why I’m going to pick them.
Ernie: Kenny? Your pictures?
Kenny Smith: See, it’s interesting to see the dynamics after 5 Rounds. The Green team can play fast, or small… if you freeze it riiiiight there, KABLAM! see how the Red Team leader got ran up from behind by a smaller player. Championship players know how to play in all types of styles, that’s just how it go.
Magic: Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ernie: What’s your thoughts Magic?
Magic: You see Ernie, it’s like when I was playing with James Worthy, I was still the best player HA HA HA, but I knew when to give him the ball. The Blue team doesn’t know to pass…um… the laser… and they need to step up.
Charles: But Magic, Magic, look, Jerry Sloan is one of my faaaavorite people in the NBA, and it’s a damn shame we watchin the talent tonight. Man, Michael Jordan is rolling in his grave!
Ernie: Alright, that wraps up…
Charles: One more thing! I can’t believe the Green Team didn’t double team the Blue team. I mean come on now… come on… come on, this is the championship we’re playing in, not the kindergarten! If was in there, there aint no one but me and my laser gun and we be blasting our way through. I’ma put a hurt on somebody
Kenny: The only hurt you put is on your waist
Ernie, Magic, Kenny: HA HA HA HA
Bulls Go Bye Bye! May 18, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Chicago Bulls, Detroit Pistons , add a comment |
Ah yes, the Mighty Mighty Bulls are finally vanquished.
God that took long enough!
Okay so I gots to run (tra la la la) and get some mundane stuff done today so this post is just up if y’all want to chime in about the Pistons/Bulls game which you ALL WATCHED right?
(pfft, I didn’t! I was checking up on Scrubs yo… I can’t believe JD and Elliot??!! WHyyyy SIX Years people, not this again!)
But hey guess what? I’ll do a live blog of tonight’s UGGGGhhh Game 7 up in here. I liked the comments coming in from last post, so those around the PC/laptop/brain-injected-internet hookup while watching the Suns and Spurs titilate, join me later tonight cool? I said, COOL? Nice!
Oh and Smorgasblog is up… if you’re into that kind of thing!
Try to explain the West...
