Haphazard Live Blogging Warriors vs. Suns April 14, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Golden State Warriors, Live Blogging, Phoenix Suns , 2 comments |
In what seem to be a coincidental annual thing here, I’m live blogging an end of season game that means big bucks for the teams involved.
I really want the Beard to win. Let’s see how this baby flies shan’t we?
1st Q:
– So that we’re clear, the Warrior’s equipment manager totally messed with Melo’s breathaliser right?
– Thunder Dan got one too many thunder tans (ba da ching!)
– Shaq’s old and slow and fat and all that, but he can still intimidate a player to lose the ball as they go up for a shot (ahem Monta)
– Fact: this game already has 13 trillion layups
– Okay some tall guy not named Bierdrins just vaccumed Barbosa’s shot. I’d buy a ticket back to Brazil if that happened to me. Fuck it, I’d still want to go to Brazil regardless.
– Broadcast team hyping “planetorange.net” as a social network/blog community thingy…verdict: it’s ugly.
– Grant Hill wants to score really bad guys. Like, bad.
2nd Q:
– 33-30 with Pietrius getting the and1. Psst, it’s a little late for the MVP
– Diaw’s strategy tonight: get the ball from Hill, drive, pass it back to Hill (if Hill passes back to Diaw, he’ll still give it back)
– Uh, that going 90mph Grant Hill thing just kinda stopped short here…looks like he pulled something
– he’s still hanging around though, a good signage
– Ellis is a freak.
– Lemme clarify: Dude could be a leaner more explosive Chris Paul because he basically thought “hey, I want to get to point B and finish with [such and such] shot” and does it. HE’S A FREAKING GRASSHOPPER
– New place to get pen name if ever I move to Hollywood — the spam box: “Elywn Bartholomew”
– Oh, right: 65-52 with 2mins left in the half.
– I imagine as Nash threads another sick pass to a tomahawking Amare, Shaq gets up and cheers uproariously—until Brian Skinner whispers in his ear: “big fella, that wasn’t you…you’re still on the bench”. To which Shaq dies a little inside.
3rd Queue:
– Down 13, battling for their playoff (spot) lives and Baron isn’t on. WHAT UP?
– Ooooooh, so it’s a lane violation when Shaq hits a FT… haters.
– Act’n Jack’n wants to be a hero!! Yay my hero!! 78-73
– Related note: now, whenever I hit a 3 pointer at the gym, my mind will only mentally register it as 2 points, then the additional 1 will only come up along a SOUTHWEST AIRLINES ad.
– Grant Hill’s strained groin update, brought to you by SOUTHWEST AIRLINES
– Baron Davis’s ‘tude is upsetting Nellie’s beer belly, sponsored by SOUTHWEST AIRLINES
– SOUTHWEST AIRLINES SOUTHWEST AIRLINES SOUTHWEST AIRLINES SOUTHWEST AIRLINES SOUTHWEST AIRLINES SOUTHWEST AIRLINES SOUTHWEST AIRLINES
– 82-80 without BDiddy. Methinks this means that I have to start a sentence without “Methinks”
– 82-82!!
– STEPHEN JACKSON FOR VICE-PRESIDENT. Your call Obama.
– At this point, I’d just like this 94-86 3rd quarter end. Just like that. You know? Don’t want to spoil a good thing. Like that very sweet strawberry, once you had that, you don’t want another one that might not be quite as good.
4th Quail
– If someone doesn’t spontaneously combust in this last quarter then I’ll be a mad customer.
– Wow! Back to back plays with Shaq getting a perfect lob and then Pietrius answers back…yet the only thing feel more important is that cute girl next to the baseline camera man taking a sip of water.
– Telling that not only is Baron not in the game, but you can’t even see him with the rest of the players on the bench
– Apologies, 107-101 as Amare swims for a dunk.
– 109-107 as the Warriors need to out start Worrioring
– 109-109 and1 for STAT…Baron Baron Baron
– Oh.. oh oh..
– C’est finis…sucks that the Bay Area crowd can’t be hyphed in the postseason…
The Kobe Left Cheek Bleeding Cut Awards March 25, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Lakers, Photoshopery, Referees , 2 comments |
In honor of Kobe bleeding like crazy last night, here is the inaugural Kobe Left Cheek Bleeding Cut Awards:
First up: BOB DELANEY:
He gets 5 Kobe Bleeding Cuts for blowing the call on Monta Ellis/Derek Fisher flop. I mean, one quick look at the two recent comments on here site and you can tell the Yay Area is not thrilled with the once undercover FBI agent.
You just hate when that happens, which makes us all wonder if that’s why he “quit” the agency (ahem ahem—going something like this:
FBI Director: Hey Bob
Delaney: Yeah?
FBI Director: You know that guy you let go because you thought he wasn’t a gangster?
Delaney: Sure.
FBI Director: Sssssssssss… yeah… we just found out.. he really was a G
Delaney: Oh. He’s good.
FBI Director: You’re fired.
Derek Fisher:
D-Fish gets 3 Bleeding Cuts. Sure he flopped like there’s a national crisis in flop shortage and thought by getting one in would be his version of a stimulus package.
Not so my friend. He did what he had to do to get the win, that’s it. I mean, you wouldn’t do any less for your weekend warriors would you? But there comes a time when integrity begets reputation and perhaps he could have re-done it in a more classier way.
It was nice move though, I gots to admit. That was like a Street Fighter II Turbo, takedown, all he needed was the +25pts and level damage bar with a complete finishing move to go into the bonus car wreaking round.
Philly Beating Boston
Dre Iggy and his band of ragtag misfits gets 1 Bleeding Cheek. I swear to you I have not watched a single Philly game this whole year. Why would I lie to you?
I was under the impression that they’d be the the NBA team equivalent to the great city of Atlantis (side question.. why is it the “CITY” of Atlantis? What country is it from? If there was a country, how come they just moved on like… “Well, there goes Atlantis, better find a detour to get to the in-laws’ place”???)
Anyhow, beating Boston is no small feat when your main arsenal is purely on dunks. Good on you Andre and the team of Phil-A!
ME
Yes yes yes, I must bring myself into the conversation once again.
Why?
Well, you see, I hurt my toe last night.
I got a boo-boo.
It’s serious business.
I think I need to call in a sick day
It looks infected.
Lamar Odom’s Arms
He’s gotta get that checked out pronto! Getting 21 rebounds last night and 22 the previous night. That deserves 4 Bleeding Cheeks.
Either he’s stolen some of the Dwight Howard man juice (yes, now that image isn’t GOING ANYWHERE MUWAHAHAHA) or GSW really need to up its size when they battle the Lakers come playoffs.
Getting boards is hard, I know because I’m a certified expert. My buddy is 5′2 I think, but somehow he always manages to grab missed shots and put it back. I think he cheats a lot, like tiny push offs here and there, but they’re always timely, at the right moment. God I want to punch him for consistently beating us with that.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that: I need to box out more. The end.
Teh Hotness! January 8, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Denver Nuggets, Golden State Warriors, Linkage, Phoenix Suns, Photoshopery, San Antonio Spurs , 3 comments |
Moments When I Feel Like The League Hates Me: last night. Because I had no access to those two hawwt games. Judging just by the final scores I know one of these things happened: Steve Nash hits daggers and passes; Iverson gets an impossible lay-up, Baron dunks on someone, and Manu’s bald spot makes a 3 pointer.
Yet I had to miss it all. OH SIGH-ness!
On the other hand, I read some pretty awesome blog posts, check ‘em:
– T.A.I. has a great recap of The Wire. More, more!
– Holy crap Steve Nash lives in Xanadu!
– Mike Tillery has an amazingly (and long… or amazingly long) feature about passing the torch. I need to clear my schedule to finish that.
– YAYsports is apparently back with a vengeance against all things either real or unreal with a Carny to boot
Stephen Jackson Is Totally Confused December 13, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Golden State Warriors, Referees , 3 comments |
Watch out Stephen! There are giant question signs
next to you!! Holy Shit!Action Jackson totally revamped his image after last year’s spectacular Warriors run, at least to me, I dunno about the rest of the world. The rest of the world being refs. Jack is just trying to do what he do you know? Drive in the lane with hot fire, and just lead the way with l’esprit! But that can’t happen if say, you get tossed out of a game… for which you don’t even know why:
“I’m still trying to figure out what’s considered a foul and what’s not considered a foul,” said Stephen Jackson, who drew a technical foul in the third quarter and fouled out in the fourth. “I need to read the players’ manual. I’m confused right now.”
“These days, when I get techs I don’t know if I did something or not,” Jackson said. “(It’s) based on how people perceive me, so I don’t even pay it no attention, man.”
Damn right! I’m not going to pay no attention to them neither! But I do see that perhaps, Stephen, we can help you out figuring out what’s considered a foul and what’s not considered a foul. I believe this is from Page 87 Quiz from the Player’s Manual on such matters, I hope it helps! Hey, the rest of you can play along too!
| 1. Throwing a ball into the crowd 2. Pushing the stanchion 3. Shoving an opponent during dead ball 4. Throwing a headband away 5. Screaming at a ref |
a. A tech, because you did it during commercial break, whereby viewers don’t get to it live. Shame on you b. Not a technical, but you’ll get a “I’m very very disappointed in you look” from one of the refs c. A tech, but only after video review, where the judges are toddlers d. An automatic Tech 3: the type where they’ll beat you will metal folding chairs, a la WWE. e. You get a red card, equivalent to 2 techs and a vanilla ice cream cone |
Leave your answers in the commentz sextion fools!
Stephen Colbert’s The Word Previews The NBA October 8, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 07/08 Season Previews, Atlanta Hawks, Chicago Bulls, Dallas Mavericks, Golden State Warriors, Minnesota Timberwoves, Orlando Magic, Phoenix Suns, TV Shows, Toronto Raptors , 1 comment so far |
It is an honour and a privilege to have The Colbert Report lend us the use of “The Word” to The Unrelatedness for our 332nd annual NBA season preview. With the season quickly approaching in a couple of weeks, instead talking about it team by team, division by division (like my man TZ, also getting inspired by Colbert), conference by conference, I’ll simply divvy up the teams into four arbitrary segments (cuz I be doing four installments yo) and call it NBA SECTION 1, 2, 3, 4 and such forth.
It begins henceforth — NBA SECTION 1 (consisting of the following teams: Raptors, Mavs, Hawks, Bulls, Magic, Warriors, Timberwolves and Suns) :
You know, one of the things that I can’t stand are teams that have no identity and weak toothpicks.
 Why?
Because every time you use that damn toothpick, it breaks. Argh! Oh yeah, no identity teams, right. Which brings us to today’s Word: The ReBorn Identity. Yes. Finally it looks like the axis of mediocre evil is finally taking a halt as teams in SECTION 1 have a new definition for themselves. You’ve got the team just needling the mass love in the Raptors poised to show off their free flowing style that is exciting to watch for all the reasons you’d like playing pick up basketball — everyone contributes. The Hawks and Magic will undoubtedly use their collective snub from playoff land and shared experience of losing to be a team that will not win from “surprising” you, but will win because they can. It’s like this, once you lose as bad as you have like them for the past 4-5 years, there’s only one way to go. |
 Up.
So stick with those teams this year, if for no other reason than they need a few more fans. Now speaking of up, the Suns and Mavs are in the mortal lock for total cancellation of each other. While they have re-made their image in the last 5 years to contending squads, there is still a lot to be answered for in terms to truly bypassing the rock solid Spurs. For one thing, Mavs getting shook could be a good thing, using it to fuel their hunger. For the Suns, it doesn’t seem like they ever want to go away from the “we are truly good, we just need that liiiiiiittle alignment in the universe and we’ll be in the Finals.” Now look, the Suns are the team to root for, but there’s just always this little obstacle… |
 …this little obstacle called “closing”.
They just can’t seal the deal, and it pains me to face this truth whenever they face an uphill battle (Game 3 in San Antonio notwithstanding). The same query faces the young guns that keep making playoff appearances that only serve to embarrass their yearly inexperience at score. IF YOU DON’T KNOW BY NOW, I’M TALKIN’ BOUT CHI-TOWN. Whereas with with the T-Wolves and Warriors, all is skyrocketing and they are taking off in flight without ever looking back |
 Shut it Bullet!
These two teams have more in common than they would like to believe. Renewed energy and new blood to mark a sea of change to not give a shit about what happened last season. The only sadness is the absence of Jason Richardson where he embodied the free spirit of sweet release on every dunk. Juwan Howard feels his pain. |
 By having a new identity is like having a new movie role.
You take the old bad experience and check in with a completely new one. And that’s The Word. |
Troy Hudson’s Greatest Hits September 24, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Golden State Warriors , 1 comment so far |
You may know Troy Hudson is now a Warrior. You may also know T-Hud had a rap album out. You may know a bunch of other stuff that had I am way to lazy to type out.
BUT YOU MAY NOT KNOW that he’s about to drop another hitmaker on his sophomore try (to be released the same day as Mary J. Blige and Mariah Carey’s album drops — synergy baby!)
It’s going to be called “Worrrier” the following are the his singles:
Track Listings
1) Intro
2) Fake Sh*t is Better Than No Sh*t At All
3) True Love pt2: Truer Love Baby
4) So There
5) I’m a Mid-level Gangsta (aka I’m A Cubicle Type of Gang Ish)
(Ok, in the past 48 hrs, I slept probably 3 mins and 32 second. here’s the X-Rated version of what happened: first we—HOLY CRAP Heroes is back and it’s on right now!? Eff storytelling, my inner nerd beckons me!)
Take THAT, Sports Reporting! Says Mark Cuban July 4, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Dallas Mavericks, Golden State Warriors, Outrageousness, Photoshopery , add a comment |
Dude, Mark, first: yay! for a post on your spot finally talking about the NBA. I love the tech/biz talk as much as any self-respecting geeksquad-blogger, but most of your jargon goes well over my tiny little head. Anyways, take this as a love letter for your newest entry man, just well said.
From Blog Maverick:
The past few weeks one of my former employees wanted to make a statement about our legal relationship and get his perspective covered in the media. No problem at all. The media people he spoke to asked me for a comment. I didnt give one. One media outlet wrote it as fact, then bloggers jumped in. The more bloggers jumped in covering what the other bloggers had to say about what the first bloggers said.
When I asked a local “reporter” why he was covering this when he only had one side and he knew i wasnt going to give a response, he said it was because his “editors thought it had become a national story”, I guess his bosses read blogs.. Then another media outlet, despite my no comment email response decided to take responses from months ago and present them in their story as if they were made in response to their current request. Nice.
I’m pretty sure he’s referring to this article to which was banana-blogged everywhere (see links). And I’ll admit too, that I fell into the lazy reader mode without carefully reading the the insinuations rather than accept it as simply as “sure, that sounds like a fact”. Sorry, my bad dude, at least I didn’t blog about it!
Cubes says that it’s a no-no on the media (and then subsequently blogs—where the media knew this is exactly the type of story that’d circulate) but I think us bloggers/readers need to be a bit more careful too … since it seems like the same o’l topics gets the most hit on and commented on based solely on heresy. He does backtalk blogs a bit, but I think it’s outta love (cue The More You Know awww) and hope that we need to be a bit better.
That said. If you are indeed suing Nellie for that freaking crazy thing about him knowing your team, then, yes, you are crazy. But yeah, props for making point, guy.
Blogging’s impact on media credibility [Blog Maverick]
Is Mavs owner now crying foul? [Star-Telegram]
Ballhype Story Tracking [Ballhype]
Queen Victoria’s Video Picks May 21, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Awards, Golden State Warriors, Linkage, Videos , add a comment |
You watched the Spurs vs. Jazz Game 1 last night? … Was that a no? Well, I did. Here’s the recap:
Spurs scored. Jazz scored. Spurs scored more. Then the Jazz stopped scoring a little bit. Then I just left the 4th quarter alone as it should be. The end. *sigh* Look, I’m still big fan of the game, which was why I watched at all. I love Deron’s game, I love Tony Parker/Ginobili’s game, but I need to find a narrative to this series… Free Darko, please enlighten me.
Anyways, two awesome videos, with a sccccary wager and the other is where you can watch a YouTube video about a show… that features YouTube videos!
Breaking News: David Stern Hates Your Silly Dreams May 16, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Golden State Warriors, Outrageousness, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Utah Jazz , 2 comments |
The Suns… I don’t think they’ll ever get to the Finals without an alien invasion taking place in America West Arena. Joe Johnson one year, Amare/Raja the next, then Amare/Diaw this year. David Stern, as great as he is, sometimes becomes so pragmatic and draconian to me. I bet he thinks the NBA offices are the Jedi temple and everything they believe in should be “the way”.
You know what happened Dave? Anakin Skywalker turning into Darth Vader because of his hatred of the restraint of the elders. Steve Nash will turn evil because of you! It’s come to making nerdy references dude.
That said, I believe they’ll pull off the upset Wednesday (well, tonight… it’s 2am of the day as I’m writing this… so…) Why? Because I’m crazy and Charles Barkley’s passionate yammering against the rule have made the situation better to me. And that makes me have faith. When the Round Mound of 300 Pounds calls out the league, all’s good in that world.
Love how Ernie used the town bell to break up the continuous, looping debate. It can’t be said enough how great Inside the NBA is.
Oh and uh… the national darlings are done. I dunno man, I wish the Warriors wouldn’t have gone out in that hot headed way (how many techs were there). But at the same time, it’s that same emotion that fuels Oakland’s surge—ripping the heart out of Dirk, literally. So it’s a push and… well, I digress.
Doug Collins, as Stephen Jackson gives Jerry Sloan a hug: “I like that.”
I’M SURE YOU DO DOUG!
Rapid Fire: Vince’s Pinky; AK’s Ass Face; Walker Starting and N’Dong May 14, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Cleveland Cavaliers, Golden State Warriors, Injuries, Miami Heat, New Jersey Nets, Photoshopery, Trades, Utah Jazz , 4 comments |
Man, I thought Golden State would never lose at home — that’s the contract they signed wasn’t it? Damn, I don’t want to say the Warriors are done…… but…… the Warriors are done. Sorry my dear dear Bay Area pals (you know who you are) but the Jazz aren’t Dallas Choke-vericks.
They’ve got Acne Boozer; Turtle D-Williams, Mr. Roboto #47 and Okur. The only other place you’d find that eclectic mix of culture and race in one place is during a drug deal (my frame of reference only extend to stereotypical blockbuster action films and not real life). Last night, if anything was another typical Jazz game. They kept doing their thing and got their win.
Warriors, of course, tried to keep doing their thing, just this time the shots weren’t falling. If it did, I’m sure the series would’ve been 2-2 now. But alas, such is why a dream cannot be continued.
Andrei Kirilenko, please summarize your thoughts:
“People go all crazy,” Kirilenko said. “You dunk on me, OK, next time I’m still going to try to block your shot again. “It’s a different mentality. Guys try to put their ass in your face or say something. I’m not intimidated by that stuff.”
Thank you wordsmith. 
VC15, trapped in the closet (R.Kelly don’t rape sue me)
In other Playoffs news
Vincent Lamar Carter apparently had an ouchie with his vagina pinky finger in Game 3 against the Cavaliers:
Vince Carter’s left pinkie knuckle, bruised in Game 3, was wrapped yesterday. But he said “It’s not broken, so I can play.”
Yeah? You can? GREAT. VC’s little boo-boo notwithstanding, I think the LeBrons will take this game tonight. It’s cool and all for Jason Kidd to remember he can shoot from the outside again, ditto for Jefferson getting his, but the sooner this series end, the better it will be on our souls.
In other OTHER Playoff news, the Phoenix Suns try not to fall into oblivion. What I’m saying is that if they lose tonight, and go down 3-1, it would make my NBA fandom very sad. Suns making it to the Finals this year means so much for me. It would mean that the NBA has room for all types of champion styles; it would mean that for once, I team I rooted for from beginning to end of season could go all the way; it would mean awesomeness. For all the great things D’Antoni, Nash, Marion, Stoudamire has given us, I feel it’s for nothing and another year gone of Nash’s greatness. Gawd, fucking Spurs.
Loose Change
He’s fat. And a big baby.– Antoine Walker believes he can have his cake and eat 600 of them too!
Heat forward Antoine Walker — due $8.5 and $9.3 million the next two years — said he ”definitely” plans to speak to Pat Riley about his desire to be a starter, if he’s not traded. ”I play better as a starter. For me to be an effective player in this system, there’s a certain way you have to play. We’ve got to balance out this attack.”
Riiiight. There are 5 things wrong in that last statement. But I be classy and not joke of them. Nope. I won’t connect the obvious joke of the words “balance”; “Walker”; “can’t”; and “fat”. No sir, not here!
– And finally, a request to my Spanish readers, help me out: what’s going on in this page, and specifically, shed light on Mr. Boniface N’Dong PLEASE. That is front runner for best name in the history of the world.
