What’d I Give For… The Zards Beheading The King; Rockets To Fly; And Hawks Warrioring The Celtics May 2, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Houston Rockets, TV Shows, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Listen kids, back in the year 2008, there were these great Eastern Conference first round match ups that took everyone by surprise. Your uncle Barney made legendary bet that if LeBron James AND Kevin Garnett did not make it to the second round, he would hit on Doris Burke.
Now, believe it or not, back before you kids had the ANBCBSPNNFOX sports network that you have today, there was this amazing network called TNT — where they had crappy original shows but for unexplained reasons, their NBA coverage surpasses every single sports show about any sports.
Let’s bring you up to speed: May 2nd, 2008. The Washington Wizards’ legion of fans versus Cleveland’s royalty. Of course LeBron was the easy choice to plow through a measly opponent like the Wizards… as their key stars are just trying to recover while a great role player is invoking a rap war over the hardwood floor.
But you obviously have not been reading up on their mystique (not the WNBA team). This is a team that will do magnificiant damage in the realms of the unseen. This is a team that shall unequivocally push their limits as a collective onto an undeserving royal. They will rise up and make it game seven…because I’m really needing the points in my playoff point.
Undeniably, I’ve been a T-Mac fan 4 lifez. Part of the enduring love and frustration for rooting a marvel such as he is not seeing his failure in the first round exits. Nay. It is our own unfulfilled expectations of superiority for a beast that cannot be defined—Darwin couldn’t draw shit like this.
If it were up to the 12 Gods of Kobol, T-Mac would’ve been ostracized long ago into Cylon kingdom. He’s not one of the pure NBA great. His storyline never changes. Worst of all, he keeps an arsenal of power that will only come out to attack when you least, and inconsequentially, expected. He is a frakking toaster.
But I still root for the guy. Because through his sideway eyes I see myself. One that was destined for greatness but for some reason our GPS gadget broke. We’re in perpetual lost-hood. Until we crawl ourselves out of the cave, there is but one option: faith in the unknown. That is the legend of the right shoulder vein.
As for the old soul Hawks versus the old old Celtics. It will make my heart warm up like the south if Atlanta maintains their idealism by flipping the script. No one gave them a single game. Yet Joe Johnson came to cross up that delusion (what up Leon Powe) by reminding the world he was once untouchable as an original mover of the ‘05 Phoenix Suns team. Let them pass and the world will be in total order. Chaos will be Boston’s street name.
Playoff Predictionales: West Side Story April 18, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , add a comment |
Your trusty all winning, all sexy playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s merchandise versus another. Marketing peeps, I’m your worst nightmare…
WEST
LAKERS’ Color Schemed Honda Element vs. NUGGETS’ Video Game Chair
First all, the Honda Element is the shittiest looking vehicle to have ever vehicled. But I mean, having it yellow does add a little something to it… like as if they were paying tribute to the Beatles. However, on the flip side, the Nuggets soft XBOX approved video gamey chair is just what’s needed when the team gets swept and homers need something to do. LAKERS IN 4.
MAVERICKS’ Potato Head vs. HORNETS’ TV Monitor
Well, the Mavs have a disadvantage here since Mr. Potato face’s toy is the norm for every all the teams. And yet, I can’t let go of the Hornet’s TV having half a basketball for an ass. But, I do love watching TV. HORNETS IN 6.
SPURS’ watch key vs. SUNS’ Girl Bear Cheerleader
Time… that’s all we’re ever worth. And the Spurs don’t have it anymore. And the girly Suns toy is just “bear-ly” legal. AH AHA HAHA HA. SUNS in 6.
JAZZ’s 80s colored Monster Truck vs. ROCKETS’ Cup
Jazz suck. Go McGrady. ROCKETS in 9.
Playoff Predictionales: East Side April 17, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Your trusty all winning, all true playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s cheerlady versus another. You best hope your team’s dancer’s bio ghostwriter was on their A-game…
EAST
CELTICS’s Haley vs. HAWKS’ Briana in Movie Tastes
Haley says she likes Elf and Pride and Prejudice while Bri is all about the Judd Apatow: Knocked Up, Superbad and Wedding Crashers for good measure. Look Haley, you can like Elf, you can like Pride and Prejudice, but you CANNOT have them both on your bio. HAWKS IN 7.
WIZARD’s Briana vs. CAVALIERS’ ?? in Interesting Facts
Briana loves math and the Cavs can’t even get someone to put a name to their dancers = FACT: Zards in 5
RAPTORS’ Nikki vs. MAGIC’s Lacey in Favorite TV Show
Nikki likes The Hills and Now & Then while Lacey likes King of Queens. Oh fuck this series is going to suck. PUSH
PISTONS’ Chelsea vs. SIXERS’ Amber in Quotes
C. is all about “Pick your battles wisely” while Ambz believes “It’s not luck… it’s talent. Luck is when talent meets opportunity.” So, obviously this resonates with their breakthrough team… thus… Sixer in—ah who am I kidding, Pistons in 2 and a half. Yeah, they’ll make the 76ers forfeit.
…and honest to Pope Benedict, yes I feel a bit pervy. But deep down, don’t we all?
So Someone Scored 168 Points In 22 Games Straight AND Blocked Tyson Chandler On A Dunk Attempt?? March 17, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Houston Rockets, Photoshopery , 3 comments |
Hello internet. I’ve missed you. Don’t ever leave me… I was in a… I was in a very dark place. And by dark place, I’m of course talking about the Film Processing room where I took some film stock to get processed.
Well well well. The Houston Rockets are the feast of the Eas–er–We-a-st? Not matter that failed pun, if it took 22 wins in a row to resurrect my T-Mac love then so be it. Even if we all know the real hero is The Sarcastic Voice That Is The Sound From Jeff Van Gundy’s mouth. It was only a matter of time when I’ve had to put my “real life” on hold and come back to the very thing that I wish life to be: the endless record breaking bliss of basket yonder.
I mean, seriously, who the flip puts up 168 points? Not Flip Saunders or Flip Murray mind you. Not even the Flip Mode Squad. So as we brace for the eventual cranking of the REAL season, please NBA, break the following, once thought humanly impossible, feats:
• Scoring 100 points in a quarter
• An entire game consisting of just dunks
• The Charlotte Bobcats finally gives fans what they want: a match between actual Bobcats
• Melissa Joan Hart sinks 9 shot clock beaters
• And finally: the unprecedented on-the-fly call by referee Derrick Stafford to a penalty play
So, this brings us to Tuesday’s Celtics-Rockets roast. And it’s going to be easy money: Rockets. Forget the Celtics, their charmingly little rise this year cannot get in the way of #2-3. Mac for 59 pts!
What? Salem the Cat was gangsta. (Nick Bakay started the Tale of the Tape!)
Yao’s Unwritten History March 2, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Houston Rockets, Injuries , add a comment |
With Yao going for SURGERY (caps for dramatic effect…and because it got stuck) and is done for the year, fans everywhere just have that pang in their hearts.
Loading …Quote Of The Right Now December 11, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Houston Rockets , add a comment |
Yao says Rockets soft… [CHRON dot com]
WotS: Why Teams Change The Floors September 10, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Houston Rockets, Word on the Streetz , add a comment |
As YAY! informs us, the Rox has broughten a new floor. Word on the Streetz wonders … why?
 Cat Cat “Meow.”  James Young Tree expert “Because the old wood needs to be freed!! FREE WOOD!”  Buffy Vampire Slayer “Giles said it opens up the portal to Hell if we don’t change it. And that would be bad, since I have cooking lessons.” |
Marriages, Divorces and Public Displays of Nudity and Drunkness August 6, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Houston Rockets, Linkage, Outrageousness, Photoshopery, Poop Culture , add a comment |
Things you may or may not be interested in about our lovely NBA players’ lives…
– Yao Ming got married and this teammates celebrated the event by playing softball (holy crap, T-Mac’s bro pulled in some talent! … upon the updates… they do not have any relations… still hot)
– Rafer was so happy for Yao he went and got himself jailed for the night
– James Posey, even though he’s not even a teammate of Yao’s, decided to drop trou
– Kobe may or may not be divorced
– and Scrap is doing God’s work with a very serious and important coverage of our lifetime!
A Phone Call With KG & T-Mac May 6, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Houston Rockets, Injuries, Minnesota Timberwoves, Utah Jazz , 3 comments |
May 5th: Houston Rockets got edged out by Utah Jazz in the 1st Round of the 2007 Playoffs. It is also T-Mac’s millionth early exit… making his fans (whoever’s still openly admits to being one) very sad all over again. The following is the transcript of a phone call that we at the Unrelatedness obtained through illegal wiretap “special” ways:
[*riiiiiiiiiing......riiiiiiiiing*]
*whimper* Ahhhh. *sigh*
[*riiiiiiiiiing......riiiiiiiiing*---click---phone picked up]
uh… he… hello?
YO YO YO YO YO YO YO YO
um… KG, that you…?
Look man, I just wanted to say: I’ve been there. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT.
[off to the side] I know.
Listen to me, it’s not your fault.
[serious] I know.
No you don’t, it’s not your fault.
Fuck man. Kev, for that last time, stop that Good Will Hunting shit! I think you have a problem.
…
[...]
I’m… I’m sorry… it was on TV last night… um.. talk to you later?
Whatever. You’re such a geek sometimes.
Playoff Photos: Yao’s Many Emotions April 22, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Houston Rockets, Photoshopery , add a comment |
My answer is: 1-c, 2-b, 3-d, 4-a
So the Rockets were able to dispatch the Utah Jazz last night where T-Mac finally has a chance to legitimately get out of the 1st Round in a convincing fashion. I don’t go deep into analysis of that game because—A) I totally didn’t watch it B) Don’t want to jinx the Human Twig aka McGrady.
Moving on to other Game 1s:
Raps lost in a close one (game I did watch, hurray for me). You know what? It was a good lost, as dumb as that sounds. They were looked shook because they got tight whenever Jersey scored and wanting to punch back right away with a bucket to get momentum—but in doing so, they let defensive matchups slip. There were hardly any possessions when the Nets didn’t score. I think Smitch needs to look into that.
Detroit won while Brian Hill was making his summer plans on the sidelines……
Bulls/Heat weird game: even with a crap game from Wade and a fouled out Shaq, it actually was a lot closer than the actual score—which was close as it was!……
OH, and make sure to browse HoopsAddict’s collection of playoff queries collected in a Voltron-like fashion, tons of great answers from everyone (psst! I also chimed in!) So have a look over at HoopsAddict now!
