Gasol A Laker, Everyone Make This Gesture February 1, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Los Angeles Lakers, Memphis Grizzlies, Trades , 5 comments |
Kobe can now finally talk about soccer with someone other than a mirror.
Stephen Colbert’s The Word Previews The NBA Pt.4 October 27, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 07/08 Season Previews, Charlotte Bobcats, Los Angeles Lakers, Memphis Grizzlies, New York Knicks, Philadelphia 76ers, Sacramento Kings, Utah Jazz , add a comment |
The finality of The Word previews concludes today (a couple days late… drinking will do that to you…) so revisit the amusement park parts 1, part 2 and part trez. On today’s slot contains various thoughts on NBA’s SECTION 4: the Bobcats, Lakers, GrizzNutzz, the Knicks, 76ers, da Kings and the Jazzies.
To cop Jim Dale for a minute: the facts are these — while 5 of the 7 teams in here fourth section truly don’t even come close to have a chance to matter in the playoffs. BUT they will be unbelievably entertaining every time they’re on the teevee screen. It’s the Law of We Have No Idea What They’ll Do. Which brings us to today’s Word:
 Darkhorse.
Yup. It’s a known fact with 30 teams competing for a title there’s bound to be 29 teams that will lose (I used a calculator to figure that one out). So with those “bad” teams, we only have one recourse. That is to guess which one can, beyond any reasonable logic, rip the league to shreds like the Warriors have last year. Just one look at the Bobstars and the Grizzlies we should all think of one thing: |
 Spontaneous Combustion.
The ‘Cats import of Jason Richardson, the uprising of Walter Herrmann (2 Rs 2 Ns bitches!) and an absent Morrison means absolute reckless abandon. The Grizz can finally start the 06 season, a year late, with Gasol finally back and having an extra Spaniard who can shoot on his side. Also adding to their venom is the PHX Sun coach set to spill the beans on how to run. These two are the positive examples, while the Knicks and the Lakers… |
 That’s right Bullet.
These guys are a must watch if only because you can’t not watch what’s going to happen. For the Knicks, you really want to them to win so that we’ll create an Anomaly Award for the next generation. For the Lakers, you’re going to be zoned into every sweat gland of Kobe and just see how much he’ll gun away to spite his boss or how much he’ll gun away to spite his boss. There is no spoon. But sure, these teams may be a joke, but the same can’t be said about the Jazz. |
 That’s a winning team right there.
Sloan, the ever immortal coach much like Arvin Sloan of Alias molded the young pups into a scrappy fighter that won’t let down for 13 rounds. The only thing that’s missing is that one sure thing that can catapult them from a sure win to a sure “close”. Just ask Tim Duncan the difference. Now on to the enigmas of this enigmatic section. The Kings and the Sixers. I truly don’t know what to say about these two squard. |
 Because they haven’t given me much to talk about.
The Kings, once a proud member of the Playoffs society is now trying to straddle the “new culture” line (Theus, Martin) while keeping around relics of their past dominance (Bibby). It’s hard to decide how much you want to root for them when they themselves aren’t rooted in an identity. And finally, the Sixers. Oh boy. Iggy, you my man, I wish you all the luck and hope you destroy the league one day… I guess what I’m trying to say is, good luck buddy, you’ll need it. |
 And that’s the word. Mmm, delicious word… |
The Tank Machine (In T-Shirt Form!) April 16, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Draft, 2007 Playoffs, Awards, Boston Celtics, Hype Shirts, Injuries, Memphis Grizzlies, New York Knicks, Photoshopery, Portland Trailblazers , 4 comments |
You know, I’m not too sure about this ‘tanking’ business in the NBA. 1) Because I never worked in the NBA and 2) ‘tanking’ as an expression, seems… so… I dunno, 1992. Nevertheless, this enigma apparently exists in the NBA—the art of losing.
(As a side note, if the goal of a franchise is to lose on purpose, and if they succeed in doing so, then they must be winners right? Or do we need to smoke up some more?)
This year, like any other year, the usual suspects fine tuned their heavy duty tank engines down the stretch. Exhibit C-9, Subsection 12: the Boston Celtics. Ziller Time noted on la Hause that the Cees were actively engaging in the Nation of Tank, praise be with upon Lottery Balls. And in case you want some more investigativism, Wages of Win via TrueHoop, used a calculator or something gave us numbers to back all that shit up. So congrats Doc Rivers, you earned this one—go and grab yourself that cherry soda you rightly deserve champ.
Sooooo, what do I really have to contribute to all this? TEE-SHIRTS! YAAAAAAY!
Check ‘em out friends, you got your Boston colorway, Knicks orange & blue, sorta Portland-y reds/black and Memphis baby blues (I pretty much gave up figuring what colors they actually wear… what the hell is that?)
They hot cuz they fly!
So go and support your local tank artists ya heard, it might appear on the Vatican-Approved BLOG SHOW and you’ll be all like, “woah, shirt, tv, me, wear, same? cool!” [Gear of Clothing]
********
Housekeeping: my internet service providers are like the German National Curling Team: LOSERS! They think I’m Morpheus so they shut off my intertube access due to “spam”… haters. I’m currently stealing wi-fi from my neighbors (hi!!) but it’s slower than Antoine Walker. Hopefully I get things straightened out by the end of the week.
I Wouldn’t Watch This Movie… January 16, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Memphis Grizzlies, NBA TOONS , add a comment |
NBA Toons: Sibling Rivalry + Rare Recaps December 16, 2006
Posted by TheHype in Houston Rockets, Memphis Grizzlies, NBA TOONS, Phoenix Suns, Toronto Raptors, Washington Wizards , 3 comments |
Great way to start a Saturday huh, with just a smidget of cartoon-y violence. I don’t get “The Wire” up here, but I imagine that’s exactly how things would’ve gone down.
The New/Old Ball-pocalypse may or not really be a done deal, so that leaves us with another anti-climatic cliffhanger until the full resolution comes next season. Get new writers Stern! But hopefully the above installment will be the last ep in the string of | various | appearances | around here. |
Of course, it’s no Orange Roundie..
The Allen Iverson Purgatory Watch: Day 9, but it feels like Year 9. T-Dot scrambled the phone lines to tell the world they have 3 Mil to throw into this clusterfu rotisserie of a trade.
Suns extend their winning streak to number One-Three! They’re so hot right now, Jack McCallum’s book is spontaneously combusting in bookstores everywhere!
Yao Ming brought out the Peking Duck, called his friends
(NOT inviting McGrady though, understandable) for a Block Party! He got a career high 8 blocks with 6 of them in the first half alone. Not wanting to be outdone, Dikembe Mutombo remembered, “oh shit, I can do that too!” and added 3 of his own. Per usual, Deke waved his finger, injuring 12 courtside attendees, 3 in critical condition.
Then the Rockets blew a 21 pt lead but Yao’s 8th block (well, goaltend) was crucial since they were down 2 with sixty on the crickety. OT: Kobe vs. Yao, both had chance to shoot to win. Draw. DoubleOT: Rockets missed everything, Kobe made everything. Lakers win. Kobe 53-10-8. Yao’s 35-15-4 and the aforementioned 8 blocks looks so, so sad.
However, Ben Wallace scoffs at both those un-American chumps by Kirby-ing his career high 27 boards. That’s just one shy of the entire Bucks’ defensive rebounds. Twenty effin’ Seven!
Pau Gasol played last night for the first time since the summer. Stat line: 4pts in 17mins… and they lost. Grizzlies: no no no no no! You want to tank the season AND save your franchise guy, c’mon! Greg Oden is rolling in his grave.
And the Wizards finally beat the Heat after 3 and half years of being hexed. Or sucked. Possibly both.
Related: hot damn, a one of a kind magical blogger is reveales(!!!!) I gotta say that’s a sharp looking dude (no Rod Strickland homo) to go with the genius mind that came up with Wizznutzz.
Quick thought, they should start a site called GrizzNutzz… ehh? ehh? Okay, maybe not.
Btw, me done with them exam thinys. Huzzah!
Godless Killing Machines! October 8, 2006
Posted by TheHype in 06/07 Season Previews, Memphis Grizzlies, NBA TOONS , 3 comments |
They may not quite be the #1 Threat to the NBA this season with all the changes and having superstar Pau Gasol out for quite a stretch of time, but the Grizzlies are still considered dangerous to Stephen Colbert.
The Memphis Grizzlies Previews is up over at The Beale Street Beat
