Woah Woah Woah. Who Turned Off The Lights? February 6, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Miami Heat, Phoenix Suns, Trades , 1 comment so far |
I’m asking, because somehow, Steve Kerr got locked inside the toilet over the weekend someone and shut the lights on him. When he came out, disoriented, he said… “I need… [cough cough] I need… a limited edition movie poster of Gremlins… and oh yeah… [cough cough cough] Shaq”
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
Only three thing’s for sure:
1) Shaq looks horrible in orange
2) We haven’t played “Shaq” at optimum since we hacked NBA 2k4
3) The Stephen Colbert, Conan O’Brien and Jon Stewart festi-brawl was television orgasm.
Scenarios That Can Play Out Now:
The Dream Scenarios: File these under the same dreams as “getting a personal massage from Summer Glau and Autumn Reeser at the same time (hehehe Summer and Autumn…)”
• The Suns defeat the Spurs and is largely due to Shaq being the only person, er, object large enough to sustain Tim Duncan
• The Suns then meet the Lakers in the Western Conference Finals. But again, grand-papa Shaq knocks the Euro out of Gasol-ina and Kazaams the shit out of Andrew Bynum to make it a round-about-way final middle finger to the Lakers (even though every’s moved past this, but ESPN will remind us anyway)
• … that’s it
The Un-Dream Scenarios: File these next to Freddy Krueger’s hat
• Shaq can’t keep up to play more than 20mins a game, which, as the Suns lost Shawn Marion, is shitcakes
• So you lost an All-Star runner, 3 pointer and rebounder, but in return you got…someone that can share stories with Kerr about how to clean their Chip Rings.
• … that’s it… but really, can any of this be good?
March 8, 2008: Yahoo Live Boxscore Hawks Vs. Heat January 11, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Atlanta Hawks, Live Blogging, Miami Heat, Photoshopery , add a comment |
Saving you the trouble… *(Comic Book Guy Voice)* Like, oh my god, the play by play is totally unrealistic. They should be in reverse chronological order. Worst. Parody. Ever.
Mulligan! [NBA.com]
Craigslist Around The League December 20, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Miami Heat, New Orleans Hornets, New York Knicks, Unrelatedness, Washington Wizards , 3 comments |
Everyone loves Craigslist. And that’s not just the new comedy I’m pitching to Canada’s CTV channel. But you know, the Craigslist. Anyway, I was browsing through looking for a male stri— um, looking for “furniture” when guess what? Some of the entries seem to be striking a little close to the NBA home I heart dearly. Take a look at some samples here…
| new orleans craigslist > media coverage | email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
Looking for media hype.
Reply to: comm-1233532@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 11:37AM EST
I’m looking for better media coverage of my sensational 2nd year as a PG in the NBA. Look, it really doesn’t matter to me one way or another, but it’s going to make my mom happy. So, help me out okay?
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: New Orleans
| new york craigslist > men seeking men > free stuff |
email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
***Free MONEY!!!***
Reply to: comm-541212@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 12:57PM EST
Yo fellas, I have this scam going on. It’s crazy! My boss is giving me so much money and total freedom to do whatever the fuck I want. Come work with me! There are supposedly “customers”, but those sunts can’t do shit! We’ll rip one in the break room. Come on, it’s sooooo much money, like… A LOT. I can’t spend it all… in fact, I thought I spent as much as possible on as much crap as I could waiting to get fired, but NAH! I’m still here. You gotta come, it’s a freaking blast.
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: NYC
| washington DC craigslist > classes | email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
How to succeed successfully
Reply to: comm-8565412@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 3:25AM EST
So your leader is down, what do you do? Cry about it? No man, you take the leadership role and let the rest of the world know you’ve been here all along. Sure, some casual spectators masquerading as “true critics” will think that OUT OF NOWHERE, you’ve become this amazing beast, helping your peers that the fallen leader could not. But they are wrong. A true leader knows he could not go any further without the True Capitaine. You should also expect to do much better when your comrade comes back. That is the real leadership aspect.
For $100/class, I will teach you this. Or, if you have straws, I take that as compensation as well.
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Wash DC
| miami craigslist > volunteers | email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
EMERGENCY! Life support needed!
Reply to: comm-494615@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 4:12AM EST
Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I’m doing real bad here folks. Two years ago, I had it all: the praise, the fame and the glory. I don’t know what happened… well, I do… my circle of “friends” (ENABLERS!) have been coasting on life ever since we made it big together. Now we’re nothing. Bupkus. I think I take the most blame, thinking all the glory and the success will come back even if I don’t try. My wife had so much “work” done and now I don’t even know how to gain respect again.
Help!!!!
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Miami
| boston craigslist > missed connections |
email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
saw u @ work, remember me?
Reply to: comm-3484215@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 7:41AM EST
Um, I don’t usually do this… Well, while “working” on my lame job recently I think I saw you sitting across from me. See, my job, there’s really nothing for me to do. Seriously! Nothing.
I’m supposed to call the shots, but I think the guys pretty much have it figured out… I mean, I like getting paid, but it’s like I’m Julia Louis-Dreyfuss from the 1982 to 1985 SNL seasons—USELESS! So there I was, pretending to work, and I saw you. Hope you come by my work sometime again, I’ll be doing my usual faking. So, coffee?
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Boston
| memphis craigslist > misc romance |
email this posting to a friend |
Please flag with care:
miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
Fun times, but can you handle it?
Reply to: comm-34515416@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 8:02AM EST
Here there. By day, some people would think I’m a guy’s guy, seeing as what I do is dominated by guys. But I tell ya, I can pass as a high school girl’s soccer coach, if you know what I mean. But I’m only interested in serious relationships okay? If you want to meet, I’ll be at the salon getting hi-lites
XOXO
MiMi
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Memphis
WotS: Ricky And Riles Sitting On A Tree… October 29, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Miami Heat, Word on the Streetz , add a comment |
Oh man oh man oh man. Totally didn’t get to this last week, but Ricky Davis + Pat Riley = Super Fun Time? Or Wild Headache of Doom? Word on the Streetz asks the smart peeps…
 Leonard Hinkley Maso-therapist “Oh HELL no.”  Catalina Robins Electrician “Ricky Davis will do one of three things with the Heat this year: 1) slick his hair back just to spite Pat 2) Try cockblock Wade’s alley-oops by going for it at the same time 3) Launch 3s as soon as he crosses halfcourt.”  Dr. Claw Cartoon Villain “Mwha-haha-ha!!! Soon, my plans will be completed— Uh, oh, Ricky? Yeah, you think I’m a problem causer around here ha!” |
Stephen Colbert’s The Word Previews The NBA Pt.2 October 11, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 07/08 Season Previews, Boston Celtics, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Miami Heat, New Jersey Nets, San Antonio Spurs, TV Shows , add a comment |
Previously on Stephen Colbert’s “The Word” the NBA SECTION 1 was previewed. Today, NBA SECTION 2 consisting of the following teaming members: Celtics, Nets, Nuggets, Spurs, Rockets, Heat, Pistons
Just how do you define the road to the Finals? By the number of times teams been there before? By the pedigree of its coaches, future Hall of Fame players, or intrepid trainers? The only way to truly determine whether or a team is destined to have a date with Ms. Finals is today’s Word:
 Lucky Charms.
Let’s face it folks, 4 of the the 7 teams in Section 2 has some serious horseshoes up the anus. All thanks to the spry GM skillz that were able to land a group of winners. For those bemoaning the fact that the Celtics tanked last season and didn’t even try to hide, take a look at the Spurs modern era dominance — they tanked to get Tim Duncan.The Heat and the Pistons would seem to have more a legit rep seeing that they worked their way up year after year trying to get off road blocks. The Heat have practically done nothing this past season and from an outsider’s point of view, yet there is a hint of optimism with them. The Pistons resigned their show running Bbbbillups and maybe his dabble with the Team USA can get his swag back for another run with mo-town. The Nuggets are the odd man out in this Section outfit, since every year in the playoffs, they keep meeting the same fate: |
 They keep getting bounced in the playoffs by a team that is better than them in every way.
While the Nets, you can say, suffer the same undesirable outcome every spring, theirs isn’t as inevitable as the Nuggets would seem. You see, New Jersey looks and feels like that 2002-2004 team that went to the Finals back to back (thank god Jason Kidd is still there) because seemingly out of nowhere, they can dominate any team with their trifecta of Kidd, Carter and Jefferson. But alas, they always run out of steam when it really counts. |
 It’s a surprise to have the Rockettes in this group because like the Nuggets, they cannot get over the hump.
They’re far superior in the regular season, but when it comes to the playoffs, injuries keep this team from being at their top condition. However, those are excuses, there is no way this team shouldn’t make it out of the SECOND round this year. Yao, Mac, Scola, c’mon guys, what is this, a charity? |
 It’s fine time to not make any ultimatums (ya hear T-Mac) and do what you do.
Stop thinking of the past. Move on (.org) and just like the Mavericks two years ago defeated their big brother Spurs, so can the Rockets rework their usual playoff losery ways and finally bust out.Finally, speaking of busting out, the luck is running smooth for one KGarnett, playing with the highest spirits in preseason games aboard thinking he has the best basketball resurrection now. He does. And though it was a wild chance that he finally landed in Boston with two other future HoFs, it’s is own doing that will ascend him and his team to contend for his first title. |
 And that’s the word |
Dwyane Wade Will Take His Sweet Time July 16, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Injuries, Miami Heat, Photoshopery , 1 comment so far |
Oy, two posts in one day about the Miami Heat? Ugh. Oh well, we have to toughen up for this shit.So mister D-Wade isn’t going to be back on time for training camp because the doctor has some words of sage advice:
“I’m a fast healer, but my doctor really wants to make sure I’m well and I’m healthy and we don’t have to go through this process again,” Wade said. “He’d rather for me not to rush back to get in training camp and maybe aggravate something early in the season.”
Dude plays hard every night so I don’t blame the Doctor to keep an eye on things. I guess there really isn’t a point to this post other than to photoshop Wade in Doctor Who because there’s a doctor involved in the story. And also because Doctor Who is magnificent… and also because I’m a nerd.
Wade says injury rehab going according to plan, but may not be ready by training camp [Yahoo¿]
WotS: Alonzo Mourning Will Point His Index Fingers Upwards For One More Year
Posted by TheHype in Miami Heat, Word on the Streetz , 4 comments |
Al-Zo just declared that he wants yet another go with the Miami Heat next season. Word on the Streetz has you covered with the pulse of the nation on this monumental happenstance:
Melissa Newman
Anthropologist
“From a scientific
perspective I can
understand how Zo
just needs to convulse
after every blocked
shot…I mean, it’s
simple human nature.” 
Tim McGibbons
Chess Grandmaster
“It’s a good thing
I think actually. We
all need to yell at someone
for the entire game
for just being a dick right?”
“The Hunter”
CIA: Classified
“Not surprising at
all that he’d return.
He’s been doing
this since the late 1700s—
… I’ve said too much.”
Rapid Fire: Vince’s Pinky; AK’s Ass Face; Walker Starting and N’Dong May 14, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Cleveland Cavaliers, Golden State Warriors, Injuries, Miami Heat, New Jersey Nets, Photoshopery, Trades, Utah Jazz , 4 comments |
Man, I thought Golden State would never lose at home — that’s the contract they signed wasn’t it? Damn, I don’t want to say the Warriors are done…… but…… the Warriors are done. Sorry my dear dear Bay Area pals (you know who you are) but the Jazz aren’t Dallas Choke-vericks.
They’ve got Acne Boozer; Turtle D-Williams, Mr. Roboto #47 and Okur. The only other place you’d find that eclectic mix of culture and race in one place is during a drug deal (my frame of reference only extend to stereotypical blockbuster action films and not real life). Last night, if anything was another typical Jazz game. They kept doing their thing and got their win.
Warriors, of course, tried to keep doing their thing, just this time the shots weren’t falling. If it did, I’m sure the series would’ve been 2-2 now. But alas, such is why a dream cannot be continued.
Andrei Kirilenko, please summarize your thoughts:
“People go all crazy,” Kirilenko said. “You dunk on me, OK, next time I’m still going to try to block your shot again. “It’s a different mentality. Guys try to put their ass in your face or say something. I’m not intimidated by that stuff.”
Thank you wordsmith. 
VC15, trapped in the closet (R.Kelly don’t rape sue me)
In other Playoffs news
Vincent Lamar Carter apparently had an ouchie with his vagina pinky finger in Game 3 against the Cavaliers:
Vince Carter’s left pinkie knuckle, bruised in Game 3, was wrapped yesterday. But he said “It’s not broken, so I can play.”
Yeah? You can? GREAT. VC’s little boo-boo notwithstanding, I think the LeBrons will take this game tonight. It’s cool and all for Jason Kidd to remember he can shoot from the outside again, ditto for Jefferson getting his, but the sooner this series end, the better it will be on our souls.
In other OTHER Playoff news, the Phoenix Suns try not to fall into oblivion. What I’m saying is that if they lose tonight, and go down 3-1, it would make my NBA fandom very sad. Suns making it to the Finals this year means so much for me. It would mean that the NBA has room for all types of champion styles; it would mean that for once, I team I rooted for from beginning to end of season could go all the way; it would mean awesomeness. For all the great things D’Antoni, Nash, Marion, Stoudamire has given us, I feel it’s for nothing and another year gone of Nash’s greatness. Gawd, fucking Spurs.
Loose Change
He’s fat. And a big baby.– Antoine Walker believes he can have his cake and eat 600 of them too!
Heat forward Antoine Walker — due $8.5 and $9.3 million the next two years — said he ”definitely” plans to speak to Pat Riley about his desire to be a starter, if he’s not traded. ”I play better as a starter. For me to be an effective player in this system, there’s a certain way you have to play. We’ve got to balance out this attack.”
Riiiight. There are 5 things wrong in that last statement. But I be classy and not joke of them. Nope. I won’t connect the obvious joke of the words “balance”; “Walker”; “can’t”; and “fat”. No sir, not here!
– And finally, a request to my Spanish readers, help me out: what’s going on in this page, and specifically, shed light on Mr. Boniface N’Dong PLEASE. That is front runner for best name in the history of the world.
A Pictoral Recap of Last Night’s Games; and Blog Show is Bangin’ April 9, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Miami Heat, Phoenix Suns, Photoshopery, Toronto Raptors , 5 comments |
Pistons beat Cavaliers:
‘Twas a low scoring affair with Detroit seemingly in control the entire time (even though the game was close most of the game). Don’t be fooled by the fact that LeBron James had 20, 5, and 6, he wasn’t really a factor.
So, get it? I Wonder where LBJ was…… Yeaaaah…
ANYWAYS, if this is a preview of what’s to come in the playoffs, then I’m sorry Cavalier faithfuls, your boys aren’t bringing home the cash, money, hoes this June.
Special note of the game: I just love how crazy Sheed looks most of the time, he’s like a sub-atomic isotope—you just don’t know when it’ll blow up (that is what an isotope does right? ugh, chemistry professor hated me). It’s no wonder their team has the biggest blog followings in Need4Sheed (who’s getting a guest spot on NBA.com!) and Detroit Bad Boys.
Phoenix beat LaL:
For some reason, this game should’ve been titled: The SMUSH Parker Episode. They couldn’t stop talking about him! Not that the commentary was good (they were talking about how he’s not on Phil Jackson’s good side because well—he truly sucks at his position for the Lakers) but OMG they could have at least not had the a Smush camera as well.
Kobe yet again had to shoulder the scoring, which is why I feel even if it’ll be a rematch of last year’s first round, the Suns would just dominate. The Lake Show just don’t have any type of defining chemistry out there (there I go with the science talk again) whereas Nash and Co. will burn them alive by inevitably running their thing.
Special note of the game: End of the first quarter, Dick Bavetta and the refs caught Kobe fouling RahRah with 0.3 seconds left on the clock. They caught this… on replay. So when they came back from commercials they actually replayed those 0.3 seconds left, and went straight into the 2nd QT. I don’t really mind the fact they replayed, but I’m just curious how soon will it be until replays will be used a lot 
more.
Charlotte BoobieCats beat Miami:
I didn’t actually see this game, so I’ll just grab Ira Winderman’s game quotes:
– “At the end of the day, you always want to win, you always want to come back and help the team win,” Wade said. “At times, I looked OK, and at times I didn’t. They were coming at me and I had a lot of turnovers, missed a lot of free throws. But one thing about me, I won’t do that too often.”
- “I’m not going to do anything stupid. I wouldn’t have shot-faked like that on my left side,” he said. “I knew it was my strong side, my right side.”
– And yes, O’Neal left without comment again.
Oh Shaq! You mischief you.
Special note of the game: While this game was in progress, I believe I was having an apple. It was delicious.
Elsewhere…….for NBA fans everywhere that don’t know who to root for in the playoffs: T-Dot. Raptors were able to close to a Bulls team that weren’t taking the game lightly, fun team to watch……Philly ‘beat’ Atlanta, though when these two teams play, no one really wins……Houston over Kings, the Maloofs plan on opening a casino at the top of Yao’s head……
In other news:
Dan Steinzzzz and Jamie Mottzzzzz did Blog Show episode #Allen Iverson last Friday rounding up, and I counted, a zillion blogs. The Unrelatedness got a shoutout! HUZZAH! That spectacular ego-inflating tidbit aside, their show is getting pretty kickass, all we need now is some nekkid hobos in the background…
Magic 8 Ball Says… Fear the Return of Jason Kapono April 4, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Houston Rockets, Miami Heat, Photoshopery, Videos , 4 comments |
Every Wednesday from now until the playoffs (or eternity, whichever comes first), the Unrelatedness shall go into deep length about a vague topic nobody cares about take a moment and observe the bball world at the macro level (I have no idea what that means either)
“Ah!! It BURNS!!!” That’s how’d I react if the bloody Heat, using Dwyane “Elastic Arms” Wade’s impending return as an uplift, are suddenly the hunters instead of the hunted. They did take down the young studs that is the Barney team last night. Even though the Jurassic Park Team were wounded as it is (Andrea and Jorge gone due to injury—NOTE: those are really NBA players, you must believe me), the real dinosaurs, Shaq & Co. gutted out the win. You know, their bullcrap of suddenly turning it up would annoy me, but I think a major props is due because they know if they use the last few week’s winning momentum, then they’d be in top shape during playoffs.
Wait. You know what. I take that back. F Miami. I hate them, I hate their fans and their movies. Because I’m fickle like that, that’s just how I roll.
Down shifting gears there’s an interview with everyone’s favourite OJ Mayo over at HoopsWorld. In there, he sounds pretty down to earth and seems like he’s in control of what he’s doing. On playing more than one year at USC:
Are you someone who’s looking to learn what he can in one year’s worth of college basketball then hit the big league, or are you still leaving open the possibility of playing a couple years at USC?
I can see myself staying for more than one year. I’ll stay until I feel like I’m ready to go to the next level. They’re all stepping stones until you get to where you want to get to—until you reach what’s above your head. I’m going to accomplish everything that I want to accomplish in college, and once I’ve done that, then I’ll be ready to leave.
BWahaha, yea right son! Even if you don’t win the NCAA Championship next year, I’m willing to bet my friend’s dog that you’ll declare, just ask Oden. But back to the interview, here’s what makes me think Mayo has a solid head about the things around him:
You and Kevin Love are two of the most highly-touted prospects in the country, and you’re going to be playing your college ball about twenty minutes away from each other in L.A. Do you see Love being someone you could spark a friendly rivalry with throughout your collegiate and pro careers?
(Laughing) You never know. It just depends, but I hope so. I think most definitely it would be a great rivalry. I know him since the eighth grade, he’s a great guy and a great competitor also. Knowing he’s only twenty minutes away, I think we’ll be pushing each other and it’ll make us better players. I think it’s good for both of us.
Oooooo, why don’t you just marry him if you love him that much! ? OJ and Kevin, sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-?–err.. moving on…
What the hell did Dirk eat?? Insider sources revealed this to The Unrelatedness today:
Finally, there is only one Highlander: Yao, being CPotW (Conference Player of the Week for you acronym evaders) is now part of the Brotherhood of Cracking Jokes at Mount Mutombo:
Asked Mutombo’s age, Yao Ming said, “Like his number.”
Mutombo wears No. 55.
BURN!
Now, for your afternoon delight:
POST-IT NOTES GOT THE STREETz ON LOCKDOWN, OAKTOWN!!!
