NBA Basketball and Other Unrelatedness

Goodbye Leggy Bosh April 28, 2008

Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Orlando Magic, Toronto Raptors , 3 comments |

Cerebral head bumps to Mr. Kerby for getting this into my head so as a result, the following should be sung whilst listening to FOC (video)

[Stan Van Gundy]
Goodbye, goodbye-ee-eye
Leggy Bosh
Every game I look
across the hardwood floor
There you were
Your shorts down to your legs
And your legs down to the floor.

Leggy Bosh goodbye, goodbye.
Now that you are gone I’ll never see you here on your bench chair
Wish you knew how much I loved your legs and your hair
Leggy Bosh goodbye, goodbye

(more…)

stored in: Chris Bosh, Dwight Howard, Flight of the Conchords, Hedo Turkoglu, Stan Van Gundy

Playoff Predictionales: West Side Story April 18, 2008

Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , add a comment |

Your trusty all winning, all sexy playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s merchandise versus another. Marketing peeps, I’m your worst nightmare…

WEST

LAKERS’ Color Schemed Honda Element vs. NUGGETS’ Video Game Chair

First all, the Honda Element is the shittiest looking vehicle to have ever vehicled. But I mean, having it yellow does add a little something to it… like as if they were paying tribute to the Beatles. However, on the flip side, the Nuggets soft XBOX approved video gamey chair is just what’s needed when the team gets swept and homers need something to do. LAKERS IN 4.

MAVERICKS’ Potato Head vs. HORNETS’ TV Monitor

Well, the Mavs have a disadvantage here since Mr. Potato face’s toy is the norm for every all the teams. And yet, I can’t let go of the Hornet’s TV having half a basketball for an ass. But, I do love watching TV. HORNETS IN 6.

SPURS’ watch key vs. SUNS’ Girl Bear Cheerleader

Time… that’s all we’re ever worth. And the Spurs don’t have it anymore. And the girly Suns toy is just “bear-ly” legal. AH AHA HAHA HA. SUNS in 6.

JAZZ’s 80s colored Monster Truck vs. ROCKETS’ Cup

Jazz suck. Go McGrady. ROCKETS in 9.

Playoff Predictionales: East Side April 17, 2008

Your trusty all winning, all true playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s cheerlady versus another. You best hope your team’s dancer’s bio ghostwriter was on their A-game…

EAST

CELTICS’s Haley vs. HAWKS’ Briana in Movie Tastes

Haley says she likes Elf and Pride and Prejudice while Bri is all about the Judd Apatow: Knocked Up, Superbad and Wedding Crashers for good measure. Look Haley, you can like Elf, you can like Pride and Prejudice, but you CANNOT have them both on your bio. HAWKS IN 7.

WIZARD’s Briana vs. CAVALIERS’ ?? in Interesting Facts

Briana loves math and the Cavs can’t even get someone to put a name to their dancers = FACT: Zards in 5

RAPTORS’ Nikki vs. MAGIC’s Lacey in Favorite TV Show

Nikki likes The Hills and Now & Then while Lacey likes King of Queens. Oh fuck this series is going to suck. PUSH

PISTONS’ Chelsea vs. SIXERS’ Amber in Quotes

C. is all about “Pick your battles wisely” while Ambz believes “It’s not luck… it’s talent. Luck is when talent meets opportunity.” So, obviously this resonates with their breakthrough team… thus… Sixer in—ah who am I kidding, Pistons in 2 and a half. Yeah, they’ll make the 76ers forfeit.

…and honest to Pope Benedict, yes I feel a bit pervy. But deep down, don’t we all?

stored in: Dance Party

WotS: This Ones Goes Out To Dwight’s Baby’s Mamas January 14, 2008

Posted by TheHype in Orlando Magic, Word on the Streetz , 2 comments |

Dwight Howard is a daddy. Yay! Sincere congrats from TheHypeGuy (big fan!). Here’s hoping you don’t tomahawk the kid by accident. Word on the Streetz reacts AS IT HAPPENS…

Lenny Wander
Inventor
“Wow! Unexpected!
Exclamation points!”

Joan Leigh
Sword Wielder
“Just imagine, in 21 short
years, Dwight Jr. will be able
to dominate the league with
the 8-time Champs the
Tribeca Knicks!”

Shawn Kemp
Rain Man
“So…”

stored in: Dwight Howard

The All-Extra-Terrestrial Team December 2, 2007

Posted by TheHype in Cleveland Cavaliers, Hype Tube, Los Angeles Clippers, Orlando Magic, TV Shows, Videos , 5 comments |

Sorry, couldn’t find a naked NBA pictures. I know man, I know.

stored in: Battlestar Galactica, Dwight Howard, Lebron James, Sam Cassell

NBA Physics Vol. I November 29, 2007

Posted by TheHype in Orlando Magic, Photoshopery , 1 comment so far |

(Wow! You won’t believe this — and you really shouldn’t — Monsieur René Descartes has some NBA thinkings that he wanted to share over here at The Unrelatedness. By jove, who am I to complain! Take it away Re-Re…)

Allo mes amis! What is sup friends? Long time no talk. With me being totally dead and all. Well, I caught the Orlando Magic vs. Seattle SuperSonics deal last night and OHOY! What did I notice? The man-beast himself (not the Devil Beast that tormented the 16th century France mind you, we — Locke, Hume and myself after some sips of rum — totally fucked him up back in my day) DWIGHT HOWARD.

You see, Howard posted a monster 39, 16 and 5 blocks. That’s not just scientific and philosophically bliss, that’s the goddamn nectar from the angels. Thus is my Dwight Howard Proof on the Existence of Grabbing All The Rebounds While Dropping Forty:

And even though the Sonics were on a mad hunt to try and upset a big lead, Kevin Durant saw something that he must learn or else perish forever: Objects will gravitate towards larger masses. Thus KD’s futile attempts to go at Dwight for a layup will cause the ball to be gravitated into Dwight’s hands. It’s that simple. You might as well just give the other team the ball, 2 points and maybe a hot stone massage.

I don’t know what that last part means. I’m seeing a shrink about this… his name’s Freud, any good?

Next time on Descartes’ Disseminations: How the specialists shooters, specifically white guys, have a shooting percentage proportional to the hair gel they use. Truth!

stored in: Dwight Howard, Late Night Crazinesses Ideas, René Descartes

Turkish Türkoglu Triming Turkey November 19, 2007

Posted by TheHype in Orlando Magic , add a comment |

Say that nine times fast, and backwards. That sound you hear is my mind being blown. Which would make you crazy, since there’s no way you could’ve heard that!

stored in: Hedo Turkoglu

Dwight Howard Should Be Immortalized November 1, 2007

Posted by TheHype in Orlando Magic , 1 comment so far |

Just how manly is Dwight Ho? So manly that there should be street signs made after him.

stored in: Dwight Howard

Stephen Colbert’s The Word Previews The NBA October 8, 2007

Posted by TheHype in 07/08 Season Previews, Atlanta Hawks, Chicago Bulls, Dallas Mavericks, Golden State Warriors, Minnesota Timberwoves, Orlando Magic, Phoenix Suns, TV Shows, Toronto Raptors , 1 comment so far |

It is an honour and a privilege to have The Colbert Report lend us the use of “The Word” to The Unrelatedness for our 332nd annual NBA season preview. With the season quickly approaching in a couple of weeks, instead talking about it team by team, division by division (like my man TZ, also getting inspired by Colbert), conference by conference, I’ll simply divvy up the teams into four arbitrary segments (cuz I be doing four installments yo) and call it NBA SECTION 1, 2, 3, 4 and such forth.

It begins henceforth — NBA SECTION 1 (consisting of the following teams: Raptors, Mavs, Hawks, Bulls, Magic, Warriors, Timberwolves and Suns) :

You know, one of the things that I can’t stand are teams that have no identity and weak toothpicks.

Why?

Because every time you use that damn toothpick, it breaks. Argh! Oh yeah, no identity teams, right. Which brings us to today’s Word:

The ReBorn Identity.

Yes. Finally it looks like the axis of mediocre evil is finally taking a halt as teams in SECTION 1 have a new definition for themselves.

You’ve got the team just needling the mass love in the Raptors poised to show off their free flowing style that is exciting to watch for all the reasons you’d like playing pick up basketball — everyone contributes.

The Hawks and Magic will undoubtedly use their collective snub from playoff land and shared experience of losing to be a team that will not win from “surprising” you, but will win because they can.

It’s like this, once you lose as bad as you have like them for the past 4-5 years, there’s only one way to go.

Up.

So stick with those teams this year, if for no other reason than they need a few more fans.

Now speaking of up, the Suns and Mavs are in the mortal lock for total cancellation of each other.

While they have re-made their image in the last 5 years to contending squads, there is still a lot to be answered for in terms to truly bypassing the rock solid Spurs. For one thing, Mavs getting shook could be a good thing, using it to fuel their hunger. For the Suns, it doesn’t seem like they ever want to go away from the “we are truly good, we just need that liiiiiiittle alignment in the universe and we’ll be in the Finals.” Now look, the Suns are the team to root for, but there’s just always this little obstacle…

…this little obstacle called “closing”.

They just can’t seal the deal, and it pains me to face this truth whenever they face an uphill battle (Game 3 in San Antonio notwithstanding). The same query faces the young guns that keep making playoff appearances that only serve to embarrass their yearly inexperience at score. IF YOU DON’T KNOW BY NOW, I’M TALKIN’ BOUT CHI-TOWN.

Whereas with with the T-Wolves and Warriors, all is skyrocketing and they are taking off in flight without ever looking back

Shut it Bullet!

These two teams have more in common than they would like to believe. Renewed energy and new blood to mark a sea of change to not give a shit about what happened last season. The only sadness is the absence of Jason Richardson where he embodied the free spirit of sweet release on every dunk. Juwan Howard feels his pain.

By having a new identity is like having a new movie role.

You take the old bad experience and check in with a completely new one. And that’s The Word.

A Look At The Signings So Far July 12, 2007

Posted by TheHype in Charlotte Bobcats, New Jersey Nets, Orlando Magic, Toronto Raptors , 6 comments |

You need to know who’s going where for how much $$? Well, go look up it guy, I’m not your mom. Oh wait, um, sorry! Please come back! I’m cranky because I didn’t have my morning cookie. Alright, alllright… I’m better now. So, here is the exhaustive comprehensive list of all thing Free Agency signage: