Playoff Predictionales: West Side Story April 18, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , add a comment |
Your trusty all winning, all sexy playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s merchandise versus another. Marketing peeps, I’m your worst nightmare…
WEST
LAKERS’ Color Schemed Honda Element vs. NUGGETS’ Video Game Chair
First all, the Honda Element is the shittiest looking vehicle to have ever vehicled. But I mean, having it yellow does add a little something to it… like as if they were paying tribute to the Beatles. However, on the flip side, the Nuggets soft XBOX approved video gamey chair is just what’s needed when the team gets swept and homers need something to do. LAKERS IN 4.
MAVERICKS’ Potato Head vs. HORNETS’ TV Monitor
Well, the Mavs have a disadvantage here since Mr. Potato face’s toy is the norm for every all the teams. And yet, I can’t let go of the Hornet’s TV having half a basketball for an ass. But, I do love watching TV. HORNETS IN 6.
SPURS’ watch key vs. SUNS’ Girl Bear Cheerleader
Time… that’s all we’re ever worth. And the Spurs don’t have it anymore. And the girly Suns toy is just “bear-ly” legal. AH AHA HAHA HA. SUNS in 6.
JAZZ’s 80s colored Monster Truck vs. ROCKETS’ Cup
Jazz suck. Go McGrady. ROCKETS in 9.
Playoff Predictionales: East Side April 17, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Your trusty all winning, all true playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s cheerlady versus another. You best hope your team’s dancer’s bio ghostwriter was on their A-game…
EAST
CELTICS’s Haley vs. HAWKS’ Briana in Movie Tastes
Haley says she likes Elf and Pride and Prejudice while Bri is all about the Judd Apatow: Knocked Up, Superbad and Wedding Crashers for good measure. Look Haley, you can like Elf, you can like Pride and Prejudice, but you CANNOT have them both on your bio. HAWKS IN 7.
WIZARD’s Briana vs. CAVALIERS’ ?? in Interesting Facts
Briana loves math and the Cavs can’t even get someone to put a name to their dancers = FACT: Zards in 5
RAPTORS’ Nikki vs. MAGIC’s Lacey in Favorite TV Show
Nikki likes The Hills and Now & Then while Lacey likes King of Queens. Oh fuck this series is going to suck. PUSH
PISTONS’ Chelsea vs. SIXERS’ Amber in Quotes
C. is all about “Pick your battles wisely” while Ambz believes “It’s not luck… it’s talent. Luck is when talent meets opportunity.” So, obviously this resonates with their breakthrough team… thus… Sixer in—ah who am I kidding, Pistons in 2 and a half. Yeah, they’ll make the 76ers forfeit.
…and honest to Pope Benedict, yes I feel a bit pervy. But deep down, don’t we all?
Year End Awards Presented By The Hotness Computer April 8, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Awards, New Orleans Hornets, Philadelphia 76ers, Unrelatedness, Videos, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
The Hotness Computer: Computing Away the Uglies Since 248 BC.
This year’s awards will recognize the truly beautiful aspects of the game, as mathematically calculated by The Hotness Computer.
The Hotness Playa: Chris Paul
Surely CP3’s magic can no longer be contained. It’s just bursting like tulips around this time of year. This guy can get anywhere in the court and no one can do anything about it, not even his mama. Averaging at least three alley-oops to Tyson Chandler (he got one up on Utah just as I’m typing this) even with teams knowing that’s in their nightly play book—that’s magician-like. Speaking of the Jazz, Deron Williams vs. Chris Paul forever please! Oh and being #1 in the West is no small feat.
The Hotness Underdog: 7ty6ers
Sixers? I don’t even know her. No seriously. I don’t anything about the Philly Ballas. Having them get into the playoffs, that’s sneaky guys. Don’t do that to me again. Andre, if you can windmill and do a somersault in mid-air whilst Dwight Howard flies over you? I’d be very appreciative.
The Hotness Hibachi Being Back: ARENAS ARENAS ARENAS ARENAS!
Hey, Agent Zero Time Zero Equals Zero is back y’all. That’s very important around here. So important that because of him (obviously) I will make a LeBron voodoo doll just in case they match up in the playoffs. Oh Bron, YOU’RE IN FOR A BIG BACK THIGH HURTIN’!
The Hotness of Filming Stuff: Stuff I’m proud to have done recently with classmates. Like with the Girltalk from yesteryear, we worked waaaay too hard to something that’s only a couple minutes long (come on Spielberg, call already!). Chek-it:
A 2min FILM (16mm what!) with the main idea of “space” and “depth” in mind. So don’t mind if there’s no story.
A another 2min short, this time with video, playing with “time”. There might be a story here somewhere. It has something to do with the LA Clippers, I’m sure of it. Also, I’m in there somewhere: hint, I’m not a tree.
Hmmm, so many video projects…just gives me luscious ideas that I should combine it with my other favorite loves, namely…sports…hmmm….(*rubs evil cat and laughs maniacally*)
Andre Iguodala Works For The New York Post? December 7, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Philadelphia 76ers, Photoshopery, Poop Culture , add a comment |
Look, I’m human, I read the rags now and again. It’s what the literature industry calls a “character flaw”. So as I’m flipping around ShowHype and one of the links goes to PageSix.com I see something noteworthy, aside from the site being FUBAR in Firefox:
I can just see it now: The two Andres sitting with their laptops at a Starbucks snickering at each other as they’re about to hit publish on yet another Amy Winehouse drunk pic.
(Consider this my 11th hour submission to the “Most Misleading Headline of 2007″ contest)
Stephen Colbert’s The Word Previews The NBA Pt.4 October 27, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 07/08 Season Previews, Charlotte Bobcats, Los Angeles Lakers, Memphis Grizzlies, New York Knicks, Philadelphia 76ers, Sacramento Kings, Utah Jazz , add a comment |
The finality of The Word previews concludes today (a couple days late… drinking will do that to you…) so revisit the amusement park parts 1, part 2 and part trez. On today’s slot contains various thoughts on NBA’s SECTION 4: the Bobcats, Lakers, GrizzNutzz, the Knicks, 76ers, da Kings and the Jazzies.
To cop Jim Dale for a minute: the facts are these — while 5 of the 7 teams in here fourth section truly don’t even come close to have a chance to matter in the playoffs. BUT they will be unbelievably entertaining every time they’re on the teevee screen. It’s the Law of We Have No Idea What They’ll Do. Which brings us to today’s Word:
 Darkhorse.
Yup. It’s a known fact with 30 teams competing for a title there’s bound to be 29 teams that will lose (I used a calculator to figure that one out). So with those “bad” teams, we only have one recourse. That is to guess which one can, beyond any reasonable logic, rip the league to shreds like the Warriors have last year. Just one look at the Bobstars and the Grizzlies we should all think of one thing: |
 Spontaneous Combustion.
The ‘Cats import of Jason Richardson, the uprising of Walter Herrmann (2 Rs 2 Ns bitches!) and an absent Morrison means absolute reckless abandon. The Grizz can finally start the 06 season, a year late, with Gasol finally back and having an extra Spaniard who can shoot on his side. Also adding to their venom is the PHX Sun coach set to spill the beans on how to run. These two are the positive examples, while the Knicks and the Lakers… |
 That’s right Bullet.
These guys are a must watch if only because you can’t not watch what’s going to happen. For the Knicks, you really want to them to win so that we’ll create an Anomaly Award for the next generation. For the Lakers, you’re going to be zoned into every sweat gland of Kobe and just see how much he’ll gun away to spite his boss or how much he’ll gun away to spite his boss. There is no spoon. But sure, these teams may be a joke, but the same can’t be said about the Jazz. |
 That’s a winning team right there.
Sloan, the ever immortal coach much like Arvin Sloan of Alias molded the young pups into a scrappy fighter that won’t let down for 13 rounds. The only thing that’s missing is that one sure thing that can catapult them from a sure win to a sure “close”. Just ask Tim Duncan the difference. Now on to the enigmas of this enigmatic section. The Kings and the Sixers. I truly don’t know what to say about these two squard. |
 Because they haven’t given me much to talk about.
The Kings, once a proud member of the Playoffs society is now trying to straddle the “new culture” line (Theus, Martin) while keeping around relics of their past dominance (Bibby). It’s hard to decide how much you want to root for them when they themselves aren’t rooted in an identity. And finally, the Sixers. Oh boy. Iggy, you my man, I wish you all the luck and hope you destroy the league one day… I guess what I’m trying to say is, good luck buddy, you’ll need it. |
 And that’s the word. Mmm, delicious word… |
Tidbits: Sixers Don’t Know How To Lose; Yao’s Back March 5, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Houston Rockets, Injuries, Philadelphia 76ers, Photoshopery , add a comment |
Okie, as we near the end of the season we really should look at which teams are bound to make it all the way. I mean, we really should. But let’s take look at a team that shouldn’t even be talked about, but is trying to make a rumble.
Specifically, 76ers. Winning four in a row yo, J.B. fills us in. What is up with that gang? Don’t you guys want top picks in da lottery? They’ll have are a hard time securing that spot since Hotlanta, Boston and Mumphis are better losers than they are (that makes him Winners!). But, I’m glad this his surge has been also good to Iggy, (good thing we checked up on him), ballin’ straight up this past month (20+ pts in almost all of them). It’s great that he’s building that momentum to become a greater player, and winning certainly helps.
HOWEVA, what about the draft picks? They’re flirting with that unattainable girl called Playoffs:
Why not?” is how Andre Iguodala would answer that.
“Look at the Orlando Magic last year,” Iguodala said. “They were in a similar position. Nobody was looking at them and they sprouted up and finished ninth and surprised everybody. You never know.
“We’re going to keep playing hard and we’re going to play like we have a chance. We can only control what goes on on the court.”
…
“It’s been the high point of the season so far,” Iguodala said.
…
“I was at an autograph signing and this guy was saying, “You guys are playing well, and that’s good, but we’re not getting a lottery pick if you guys keep winning,’ ” Sixers forward Andre Iguodala said.
Can’t knock A.Iv2.0 and his confidence and spirit though, even in a weird/bad year that his team went through. Good thing home town Philly-ers feel the same way, as a recent SLAM feature shows his popularity.
Next TOPIC
Yao apparently is cleared to face the flippin casual Cavs tonight! And he’s going to be wearing an leg instrument!
“The new brace Keith found is doing its thing really well,” Dawson said. “Yao likes it. Everything is looking good. He’s made a lot of progress.”
*I know it’s his right leg, but I think we all know Yao needed to balance the weight.
I bet Zzzz is happy that Mr. Ming isn’t at full strength yet, and they’ll have their epic battle of the slow moving mountains tonight. But, a limping Yao trumps a normal Z any day. Advantage, Robocop leg.
Thursday Thumbtacks: Jack Of All Trades February 22, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Hype Shirts, Linkage, Philadelphia 76ers, Trades, Videos , 9 comments |
damn, I know the title wasn’t original as it is.. then I realize Deadspin used it already.. damnit Will! You know my skill for witty titles only come every other Wednesday!
Is anybody traded yet? Anybody? Bueller?
On to the Tacks!
I’m guessing some of the following have already been linked up all over the webs, but the entires are still amazingly good that it would a crime, against humanity and cute puppies all over the world, if I didn’t put it up here as well.
Check it:
- George Takei: character actor, Sci-fi icon, and now, Tim Hardaway’s
fuck buddynewest lover… - …which totally makes sense now that you think about it. No wonder he never auditioned for “Young Wet Bitches”
- Here are my answers to The Feed’s “30 Questions” in totally scrambled order: No, “I dunno”, no, no, no, no, no, yes, no, no, no, “just because”, no, no, “both”, yes, no, yes, yes, yes, no, “six”, “pass”, no, no, yes, yes, “who cares”, no, yes. Piece it together and win a prize! (You’ll get the prize, once you can guess what it is! hint: it’s nothing!)
- STEINZ! Owned! Burn! [expletive regarding Sam Smith!] And aww.. Dan loses the fedora.. I quite liked it (…*voodoo mind trick: send it to me…*) oh, and I cannot wait for BogTV with the ever luminous co-host Jamie Mottram, take that Magic Hour! Update: Interview With A BOGpire (horrible..horrible joke..)
- ROBOT.MONKEYS.!!!
- Oh yea, I guess I should talk about trades… umm.. yea.. let’s see.. it’s 11:30am now.. and nothing’s happening… crap. I might as well offer my couch to the Clippers to see if I can acquire Maggette myself and start my own franchise. So anyway, nothing’s happening and I’ll be out til after the deadline this afternoon.. pssh NBA, so inconsiderate of MY life schedules..
To conclude, here’s Sheriff Dangle and the gang at a Sixers game… ehh, wun’t their best effort, but I still loves me my Reno 911
EDIT: Many never-ending thanks to Gilbertology for being all over this:
The Getty Images photographer Brent Stirton should have his salary increased just for this! Speaking of which, yo Getty! Hook up those piks w/o them watermarks son! How about it? (I’ll even pay you with my empty ink catridges!)
…anyways, this wonderful saga continues… (and no, I will never ever evver be tired of this.. if you are.. apologies.. but c’mon! it’s still cool as ever! join my fun times!)
Checking In: Andre Iguodala February 12, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Philadelphia 76ers, Photoshopery , 3 comments |
*this is probably fake… it’s what I imagine ‘Dre is up to these days..
For some reason a thought came in today out of nowhere (I know, weird): “hey, why the hell isn’t Andre Iguodala becoming a premier player already??” I’m not sure why I think he should be a premier player, but something inside (probably the kidney) is saying to me that this third year kid should and can have a Shawn Marion-esque career. But I really haven’t heard anything about Andre in a while—well, the major factor is that Philly isn’t exactly a bastion for media enthusiasm nowadays, with the losing and whatnot.
I just hope he can develop into an All-Star someday, I just want to root for him. And the comparison with Marion isn’t that bad right? Their numbers sorta match up, and they’re both very athletic beyond measure. So if Iggy can lessen his guard aspect and just focus on being a frontman receiver and get more boards I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to say he can do some Matrix-y damage…
Oh that is.. until the Sixers recognize how to play to this strength and not simply go straight to AnythingGoesVille. But that is going to be… never, at least not this season *sigh*
Have fun with the Mentos! (oh btw I just remembered he’s on my fantasy team hah! shows how much I pay attention to my league…)
Nuggets? I Knew It All Along! December 19, 2006
Posted by TheHype in Denver Nuggets, Philadelphia 76ers, Photoshopery, Trades , add a comment |
Surely the questions around ye massive trade is “could the Sixers’ have gotten more (aka suck less)” in terms of acquiring JR Smith. I can only wonder what Greg Oden is thinking as he’s watching all this on television. I’m guessing: “what’s for dinner” is the likely thought, but that’s just me.
Personally, I think the party taking the heaviest hit is Jason’s Denver tag ( can a tag tracker get O.Ded?)
The combo of AI + Melo + JR Smith = Crazy Delicious! 79.2 pts! The Wizards’ Big 3 are going to get a good challenge. Mind you at least Caron Butler, Jamison and Arenas have clearly defined scoring habits whereas Carmelo and Iverson do the outside-inside thing very similarily. That being said, I cannot wait until Melo and JR gets back 
On the other, I don’t know how we didn’t see this Denver result coming waay earlier. The NASA evidence is astounding:
Just like Bruce Willis was a ghost all along (spoiler warnings are for the weak!), Iverson was right with Melo and J.R. the whole time.. spooky.
Philadelphia, Where Liberty Crosses You Up October 5, 2006
Posted by TheHype in 06/07 Season Previews, NBA TOONS, Philadelphia 76ers , 3 comments |
I have no idea what the title means either.
Over at Passion & Pride, the Sixers Preview is already one day old. You know what else is old? Iverson. But you know what else is what else? He’s probably going to put up another 40 zillion points a game this season without skipping a beat… which brings up to the doodle for the Sixers…
yaaaa..
Special shoutout (and e-high fives) to SunsGossip and their mad funny creations. Since we cartoonisters have to stick together like the inside pages of Maxim magazine (ew ew ew!), I went ahead and took one of their masterpieces and shoved it in the above as a cameo. Hint: it’s not the phone.
As of press time, the Raptors preview is up already, but it’s waaaay pass my milk & cookies/bedtime so I’ll get around to that a bit later.
