Goodbye Leggy Bosh April 28, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Orlando Magic, Toronto Raptors , 3 comments |
Cerebral head bumps to Mr. Kerby for getting this into my head so as a result, the following should be sung whilst listening to FOC (video)
[Stan Van Gundy]
Goodbye, goodbye-ee-eye
Leggy Bosh
Every game I look
across the hardwood floor
There you were
Your shorts down to your legs
And your legs down to the floor.
Leggy Bosh goodbye, goodbye.
Now that you are gone I’ll never see you here on your bench chair
Wish you knew how much I loved your legs and your hair
Leggy Bosh goodbye, goodbye
NBA Blah Day: Be A Spy April 21, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Referees, Toronto Raptors , 1 comment so far |
According to Jeff Wong of THE SCORE dot SEE EH “Blah Day” is the day you realize you wasted your life rooting for millionaires that slack off on defense which then somehow makes you cry like a little girl.
The idea is to do something about it. Stop watching that ugh team and go outside for once. I have found a very good idea as to what to do. Be an undercover spy. Specifically, be Bob Delaney. Yar, many moons ago we already knew Bobby was a snitch, yet it’s always compelling to think that one day, whilst calling a 3 second violation on the LA Clippers, it turns out to be an all out FBI raid signal for a drug bust. We all knew David Stern was a kingpin.
There’s another reason why playing spy is fun: you get to feel sick to your stomach. As Mr. Covert explained in his “phone” interview with CBC Radio’s Sook-Yin (holla!) “Secret Lives” he would want to throw up because it felt like he betrayed his best pals—it’s totally like Super-Soaking your own teammates!
So, instead of throwing up because your team ahem* Raptors *ahem* can’t cover the rotation, you can throw up because you’re in constant fear of your diluted morality. Win win!
“Secret Lives” (mp3) – CBC Radio (starts at 2:00min and is picked back up at 20:00min)
Playoff Predictionales: West Side Story April 18, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , add a comment |
Your trusty all winning, all sexy playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s merchandise versus another. Marketing peeps, I’m your worst nightmare…
WEST
LAKERS’ Color Schemed Honda Element vs. NUGGETS’ Video Game Chair
First all, the Honda Element is the shittiest looking vehicle to have ever vehicled. But I mean, having it yellow does add a little something to it… like as if they were paying tribute to the Beatles. However, on the flip side, the Nuggets soft XBOX approved video gamey chair is just what’s needed when the team gets swept and homers need something to do. LAKERS IN 4.
MAVERICKS’ Potato Head vs. HORNETS’ TV Monitor
Well, the Mavs have a disadvantage here since Mr. Potato face’s toy is the norm for every all the teams. And yet, I can’t let go of the Hornet’s TV having half a basketball for an ass. But, I do love watching TV. HORNETS IN 6.
SPURS’ watch key vs. SUNS’ Girl Bear Cheerleader
Time… that’s all we’re ever worth. And the Spurs don’t have it anymore. And the girly Suns toy is just “bear-ly” legal. AH AHA HAHA HA. SUNS in 6.
JAZZ’s 80s colored Monster Truck vs. ROCKETS’ Cup
Jazz suck. Go McGrady. ROCKETS in 9.
Playoff Predictionales: East Side April 17, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Your trusty all winning, all true playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s cheerlady versus another. You best hope your team’s dancer’s bio ghostwriter was on their A-game…
EAST
CELTICS’s Haley vs. HAWKS’ Briana in Movie Tastes
Haley says she likes Elf and Pride and Prejudice while Bri is all about the Judd Apatow: Knocked Up, Superbad and Wedding Crashers for good measure. Look Haley, you can like Elf, you can like Pride and Prejudice, but you CANNOT have them both on your bio. HAWKS IN 7.
WIZARD’s Briana vs. CAVALIERS’ ?? in Interesting Facts
Briana loves math and the Cavs can’t even get someone to put a name to their dancers = FACT: Zards in 5
RAPTORS’ Nikki vs. MAGIC’s Lacey in Favorite TV Show
Nikki likes The Hills and Now & Then while Lacey likes King of Queens. Oh fuck this series is going to suck. PUSH
PISTONS’ Chelsea vs. SIXERS’ Amber in Quotes
C. is all about “Pick your battles wisely” while Ambz believes “It’s not luck… it’s talent. Luck is when talent meets opportunity.” So, obviously this resonates with their breakthrough team… thus… Sixer in—ah who am I kidding, Pistons in 2 and a half. Yeah, they’ll make the 76ers forfeit.
…and honest to Pope Benedict, yes I feel a bit pervy. But deep down, don’t we all?
Mighty Morphin’ Power Layups! March 17, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Marketing, TV Shows, Toronto Raptors , 2 comments |
I know the rest of the league went green for Paddy’s Drunken Binge Day, but seriously bros, something about the Raptors and their color scheme are all about looking like Tommy by in ‘93:
It’s gotta be the jagged stripes on the side that gives it that nostalgic look, at least to me. And come on: DRAGONZOD vs. RAPTOR, WHO YOU GOT!!!! Oh and Raps lose again without Bosh to the Utah Jazz. There’s a message in there somewhere. I think it’s something about cheeseburgers.
Pre-Emptive Headline Puns January 30, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 All Star Game, Photoshopery, Toronto Raptors , 7 comments |
It’s a scientific fact that Jamario Moon will win the dunk contest. Einstein had a wet dream about it. Just as I foresaw him getting the invite eons ago, I envision his win to be fireworks-worthy. That is why, with a little combination of the northern blogger brain power, Jeff Wong over at The Score shot over some J-Lune imagery that I’m sure the AP’s headline writers will be drooling all over.
The Moon Jumped Over the Cow
Jamario Celebrates Crown With a Mooncake
Moonwalking (NASA Edition) via E.Smitty
Not Quite How I Remembered It
Posted by TheHype in Movies, Photoshopery, Toronto Raptors , 1 comment so far |
SAMMIE: I’ve got to stop this thing!
JACK: NO! Stay above fifty!
ANNIE: We’ve got a wounded, er, injured –
JACK: You slow down and this team will explode!
(Silence)
JACK: There is a bomb with this team. If we slow down. IT’LL BLOW
JACK: If anyone tries to get off (the team via trade), it’ll blow
SAMMIE: This is great. A bomb on hightops.
JACK: Ma’am, um… sir, can you handle this bus, er, team?
SAMMIE: Sure, I can do this. It’s just like driving a really big Pinto.
JACK (not amused) : Can you handle it?
SAMMIE (sighs): I’m fine. What’s the plan? Is there a plan?
JACK (taking a cell phone out): Just for you to drive. We’re okay for now. Just stay above fifty (percent, record-wise)
SAMMIE: You’re a cop, right?
JACK: That’s right.
SAMMIE: Then I should probably tell you: I’m just taking the bus ’cause I had my driver’s license revoked.
JACK: What for?
SAMMIE: Speeding.
(Jack smiles)
SAMMIE: And stealing cats.
When New Media Attacks January 7, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 All Star Game, Marketing, Toronto Raptors , add a comment |
Last week, the world was witness to the satirist that is Chris Bosh, PF of the Toronto Raptors. He sure has that funny bonez. Obviously, since I’m the purveyor of “all things basketball players being funny with media”, I already saw Bosh’s ha-ha skills coming
So all that remains to be asked is:
Loading …NBA Toons: Fly Him To The Moon December 10, 2007
Posted by TheHype in NBA TOONS, Toronto Raptors , 2 comments |
Ah J-Moon. How could I have gone thus far without mentioning you on the site? My bad. You see, this is weird, watching a player like Jamario getting so much excitement from all places when he’s relatively kept under wraps. Few years ago, he would’ve been a great hidden treasure, where Raptor fans squee in delight of their X-Factor.
Now it’s interesting how fast he done blow up. Me thinks it’s got to do with how lame our sacred NBA highlights have been. Sure, J-Smoove and B.Diddy can astound our cerebral cells when they defy physics and sure seeing Deron Williams use his mind to move from Point A to Point A², while stapling is defender’s feet to the ground, is optimum in NBA deliciousness. However, there’s no glee of wonderment.
Jamario is rocking that wonderment. He had a shit game against Houston yesterday, but aside from that, I just love seeing his mojo in action that’s unlike a lot of players these days. His style is like a nicely folded paper glider that can launch air to air missiles. It’s a movement difference that’s not unlike how Manu Ginobili is different than the rest of the basketball rhythm.
In conclusion: I want Jamario Moon in the dunk contest.
Live Blog: Celtics At Raptors On CBC (Seriously!) November 4, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Live Blogging, Toronto Raptors , 4 comments |
0:02:2 – Walter. Ray. Allen. Wins it. 98-95. I’m taking a nap
0:04.4 – Terrance. Jerod. Ford. Ties it.
0:07.8 – They went for the best basket instead of the fast tie from a driving TJ. Shows how much I know… not much.
0:18 – Free throw time, and Kevin nails only 1 of 2… time to draw up a play of Nick Lachey.
0:22 – All those haters out there that still say Garnett isn’t clutch should see this game. KG is torching the overtime over a mighty good defender in Bosh. 92-88
OT 2:33 - 85-85 just as Ray Ray and Ford trade 3s and KG and Bosh trade hoops. Hmm, CBC might have to bump Rick Mercer if this goes on any further!
End of Regulation – Pierce was iso’d from beginning to end and had a shot he normally makes, but yay for us, another 5 mins of missed shots! HUZZAH!
0:31 – Pop quiz hot shot, you’re down 2. Bosh is hot right now, what are you going to do? Yes, that’s right, don’t you dare drive slower than 55MPH
0:52 – James Posey wins the Lifetime Achievement Award for flopping
1:38 – Going back to Bosh.. I don’t know why KG isn’t defending him 78-76
2:38 – It’s a ball game folks 75-74 after Kapono and Posey trade 3s and Bosh hitting FTs
We’re stuck on 70-67 after several turnovers. I’m stuck on Falling-Asleep
7:00 – I love Yahoo’s description of play-by-play “8:53 BOS – Bad pass by J. Posey”
7:52 – 70 -66, thank you 3 point arc
10:16 – This just in: Ray Allen can shoot
10: 30 – It’s 66-58 and I like to applaud the Dinos for listening and not even try to guard Bri-Scal. Clunk clunk clunk
4th QT 11:06 - Man, seeing Bosh go at Garnett and working hard to get the bucket… *tear*… that young pup is all grown up I tells ya
2:13 – Love the way the Celtics are passing the ball to the open man. But uh- tip to the Raptors, DON’T CLOSE IN ON SCALABRINE. when you have Eddie House open
4:33 – YES! Past the 50 point mark! Pizzas for everyone! 53-45 Cs
3rd QT 10:39 - KG, meet your younger self at the rim, Bosh. Rejected yo 40-35
Halftime: 38-31… let me reiterate; THIRTY-EIGHT TO THIRTY-ONE. I need a beer, or 10.
1:41 – I blame this horrible game on CBC. Peter Mansbridge, you’re on notice. 37-26
3:52 – Garnett and co. totally shutting down Bosh and Bargs, yeah, pretty hard to win when your stars don’t have any points up on the big board
6:06 – You wouldn’t know it, but grass is growing on my tv set this game is so slow 30-22
8:33 – The defensive stops here, some 3s dropped shots here (courtesy of the Dazzling Delfino) the Raptors cut it to 23-22
2nd QT 10:45 - Holy crap Scott Pollard is playing some basketball! That hasn’t happened since 2002!
End of 1st – 23-14 Boston and it still looks weird to see KG in green.
2:08 – Kapono is actually more than 3 point guy and a 98 Degrees member lookalike, case in point: denied a lowpost pass to Pierce and ran the court to get a dish from Ford to finish a lay up
4:11 – 16-8, the Dinos aren’t at their usual passibility, credit goes to the tight defense. But yeah, one-on-one isn’t Toronto’s game
6:54 – Rondo turns it over. Dude, you got 3 HoF by your side, that’s not how you get on their good side. 7-2 Cs
9:20 – Bargs’s footwork defies any sort of reality based physics. You can’t tell if it’s traveling or just magic
1st QT 12:00 – Since Doc Rivers is out with the passing of a family member, I’m looking at this game as one of those “win it for coach y’all!” from the Celtics
– Pre-Game: George Stoumbasdfabnababoulous goes over all the disappoints and the new found glory of the Raps. It might seem like a stereotype for one to associate “edgy”, “cool”, “Greek” with rock clothing, but George pulls it off. + 20 Canadian points to him (y’know since it’s worth more than the U.S. dollar)
Ah, the Crown Corporation up here in Snowsville finally gets to show some Raptor games for those farm hillbillies in Alberta (I kid I kid… no one watches basketball in Alberta when watching wheat grow is so much more interesting!).
Anyway, I jot down notes here when the game starts up in a couple of tics. And I’m doing it REVERSE style! BOOM!
