What’d I Give For… The Zards Beheading The King; Rockets To Fly; And Hawks Warrioring The Celtics May 2, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Houston Rockets, TV Shows, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Listen kids, back in the year 2008, there were these great Eastern Conference first round match ups that took everyone by surprise. Your uncle Barney made legendary bet that if LeBron James AND Kevin Garnett did not make it to the second round, he would hit on Doris Burke.
Now, believe it or not, back before you kids had the ANBCBSPNNFOX sports network that you have today, there was this amazing network called TNT — where they had crappy original shows but for unexplained reasons, their NBA coverage surpasses every single sports show about any sports.
Let’s bring you up to speed: May 2nd, 2008. The Washington Wizards’ legion of fans versus Cleveland’s royalty. Of course LeBron was the easy choice to plow through a measly opponent like the Wizards… as their key stars are just trying to recover while a great role player is invoking a rap war over the hardwood floor.
But you obviously have not been reading up on their mystique (not the WNBA team). This is a team that will do magnificiant damage in the realms of the unseen. This is a team that shall unequivocally push their limits as a collective onto an undeserving royal. They will rise up and make it game seven…because I’m really needing the points in my playoff point.
Undeniably, I’ve been a T-Mac fan 4 lifez. Part of the enduring love and frustration for rooting a marvel such as he is not seeing his failure in the first round exits. Nay. It is our own unfulfilled expectations of superiority for a beast that cannot be defined—Darwin couldn’t draw shit like this.
If it were up to the 12 Gods of Kobol, T-Mac would’ve been ostracized long ago into Cylon kingdom. He’s not one of the pure NBA great. His storyline never changes. Worst of all, he keeps an arsenal of power that will only come out to attack when you least, and inconsequentially, expected. He is a frakking toaster.
But I still root for the guy. Because through his sideway eyes I see myself. One that was destined for greatness but for some reason our GPS gadget broke. We’re in perpetual lost-hood. Until we crawl ourselves out of the cave, there is but one option: faith in the unknown. That is the legend of the right shoulder vein.
As for the old soul Hawks versus the old old Celtics. It will make my heart warm up like the south if Atlanta maintains their idealism by flipping the script. No one gave them a single game. Yet Joe Johnson came to cross up that delusion (what up Leon Powe) by reminding the world he was once untouchable as an original mover of the ‘05 Phoenix Suns team. Let them pass and the world will be in total order. Chaos will be Boston’s street name.
Playoff Predictionales: West Side Story April 18, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , add a comment |
Your trusty all winning, all sexy playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s merchandise versus another. Marketing peeps, I’m your worst nightmare…
WEST
LAKERS’ Color Schemed Honda Element vs. NUGGETS’ Video Game Chair
First all, the Honda Element is the shittiest looking vehicle to have ever vehicled. But I mean, having it yellow does add a little something to it… like as if they were paying tribute to the Beatles. However, on the flip side, the Nuggets soft XBOX approved video gamey chair is just what’s needed when the team gets swept and homers need something to do. LAKERS IN 4.
MAVERICKS’ Potato Head vs. HORNETS’ TV Monitor
Well, the Mavs have a disadvantage here since Mr. Potato face’s toy is the norm for every all the teams. And yet, I can’t let go of the Hornet’s TV having half a basketball for an ass. But, I do love watching TV. HORNETS IN 6.
SPURS’ watch key vs. SUNS’ Girl Bear Cheerleader
Time… that’s all we’re ever worth. And the Spurs don’t have it anymore. And the girly Suns toy is just “bear-ly” legal. AH AHA HAHA HA. SUNS in 6.
JAZZ’s 80s colored Monster Truck vs. ROCKETS’ Cup
Jazz suck. Go McGrady. ROCKETS in 9.
Playoff Predictionales: East Side April 17, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Houston Rockets, Los Angeles Lakers, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Your trusty all winning, all true playoff picks for the 2008 NBA Playoffs, as decided by randomly pitting one team’s cheerlady versus another. You best hope your team’s dancer’s bio ghostwriter was on their A-game…
EAST
CELTICS’s Haley vs. HAWKS’ Briana in Movie Tastes
Haley says she likes Elf and Pride and Prejudice while Bri is all about the Judd Apatow: Knocked Up, Superbad and Wedding Crashers for good measure. Look Haley, you can like Elf, you can like Pride and Prejudice, but you CANNOT have them both on your bio. HAWKS IN 7.
WIZARD’s Briana vs. CAVALIERS’ ?? in Interesting Facts
Briana loves math and the Cavs can’t even get someone to put a name to their dancers = FACT: Zards in 5
RAPTORS’ Nikki vs. MAGIC’s Lacey in Favorite TV Show
Nikki likes The Hills and Now & Then while Lacey likes King of Queens. Oh fuck this series is going to suck. PUSH
PISTONS’ Chelsea vs. SIXERS’ Amber in Quotes
C. is all about “Pick your battles wisely” while Ambz believes “It’s not luck… it’s talent. Luck is when talent meets opportunity.” So, obviously this resonates with their breakthrough team… thus… Sixer in—ah who am I kidding, Pistons in 2 and a half. Yeah, they’ll make the 76ers forfeit.
…and honest to Pope Benedict, yes I feel a bit pervy. But deep down, don’t we all?
Year End Awards Presented By The Hotness Computer April 8, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Awards, New Orleans Hornets, Philadelphia 76ers, Unrelatedness, Videos, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
The Hotness Computer: Computing Away the Uglies Since 248 BC.
This year’s awards will recognize the truly beautiful aspects of the game, as mathematically calculated by The Hotness Computer.
The Hotness Playa: Chris Paul
Surely CP3’s magic can no longer be contained. It’s just bursting like tulips around this time of year. This guy can get anywhere in the court and no one can do anything about it, not even his mama. Averaging at least three alley-oops to Tyson Chandler (he got one up on Utah just as I’m typing this) even with teams knowing that’s in their nightly play book—that’s magician-like. Speaking of the Jazz, Deron Williams vs. Chris Paul forever please! Oh and being #1 in the West is no small feat.
The Hotness Underdog: 7ty6ers
Sixers? I don’t even know her. No seriously. I don’t anything about the Philly Ballas. Having them get into the playoffs, that’s sneaky guys. Don’t do that to me again. Andre, if you can windmill and do a somersault in mid-air whilst Dwight Howard flies over you? I’d be very appreciative.
The Hotness Hibachi Being Back: ARENAS ARENAS ARENAS ARENAS!
Hey, Agent Zero Time Zero Equals Zero is back y’all. That’s very important around here. So important that because of him (obviously) I will make a LeBron voodoo doll just in case they match up in the playoffs. Oh Bron, YOU’RE IN FOR A BIG BACK THIGH HURTIN’!
The Hotness of Filming Stuff: Stuff I’m proud to have done recently with classmates. Like with the Girltalk from yesteryear, we worked waaaay too hard to something that’s only a couple minutes long (come on Spielberg, call already!). Chek-it:
A 2min FILM (16mm what!) with the main idea of “space” and “depth” in mind. So don’t mind if there’s no story.
A another 2min short, this time with video, playing with “time”. There might be a story here somewhere. It has something to do with the LA Clippers, I’m sure of it. Also, I’m in there somewhere: hint, I’m not a tree.
Hmmm, so many video projects…just gives me luscious ideas that I should combine it with my other favorite loves, namely…sports…hmmm….(*rubs evil cat and laughs maniacally*)
DeShawn Stevenson’s 50th Birthday January 15, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Photoshopery, Washington Wizards , 2 comments |
Betcha didn’t know he’s this old, but he IS! You know… because of the beard… Too bad we can’t tie it all together now that he’s not anywhere near Mr. 50 Percent this year (though his True Shooting % is around 50) but that doesn’t matter as he totally owned the Celtics last Saturday and beat them again tonight (huge three down the stretch of the game! Truth has the live blog that’s bringing all the boys to the yard.
So good to have the back to back home and home victories. That’s right, the rare B2BH&H holy grail. Even when the Zards were down 12, the flow just was never deflated for them. As soon as they pulled within 5 with still 3mins to go, they knew they were going to win it. Oh boy oh boy… this says a lot about the Celtics too, their defense folds like a rusty tent. Ray Allen is an invisible man. And finally, Caron Butler for LEVEL 3 MVP SECRET PIMPAGE!!!!
Oh and btw, DeShawn is also a LockSmith, the guy is multi-talented I tells ya.
WotS: Gil Shuttin’ Yer Down? January 7, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Injuries, Washington Wizards, Word on the Streetz , add a comment |
Woah there Nelly. Gilbert Arenas might be thinking of forgetting the 07-08 season ever happened by thinking of not coming back this season. How are the citizenry of Word on the Streetz going to take this…
 Jonas Yezim Patent Officer “Arenas plays basketball? I thought he was imaginary, like Captain Planet, the Loch Ness and genital herpes.”  Sarah Laney Poll Researcher “It saddened me… he totally fucked up my fantasy team.”  Barack Obama Prez Candidate “FINALLY!” |
Craigslist Around The League December 20, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Miami Heat, New Orleans Hornets, New York Knicks, Unrelatedness, Washington Wizards , 3 comments |
Everyone loves Craigslist. And that’s not just the new comedy I’m pitching to Canada’s CTV channel. But you know, the Craigslist. Anyway, I was browsing through looking for a male stri— um, looking for “furniture” when guess what? Some of the entries seem to be striking a little close to the NBA home I heart dearly. Take a look at some samples here…
| new orleans craigslist > media coverage | email this posting to a friend |
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Looking for media hype.
Reply to: comm-1233532@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 11:37AM EST
I’m looking for better media coverage of my sensational 2nd year as a PG in the NBA. Look, it really doesn’t matter to me one way or another, but it’s going to make my mom happy. So, help me out okay?
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: New Orleans
| new york craigslist > men seeking men > free stuff |
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***Free MONEY!!!***
Reply to: comm-541212@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-19, 12:57PM EST
Yo fellas, I have this scam going on. It’s crazy! My boss is giving me so much money and total freedom to do whatever the fuck I want. Come work with me! There are supposedly “customers”, but those sunts can’t do shit! We’ll rip one in the break room. Come on, it’s sooooo much money, like… A LOT. I can’t spend it all… in fact, I thought I spent as much as possible on as much crap as I could waiting to get fired, but NAH! I’m still here. You gotta come, it’s a freaking blast.
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: NYC
| washington DC craigslist > classes | email this posting to a friend |
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How to succeed successfully
Reply to: comm-8565412@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 3:25AM EST
So your leader is down, what do you do? Cry about it? No man, you take the leadership role and let the rest of the world know you’ve been here all along. Sure, some casual spectators masquerading as “true critics” will think that OUT OF NOWHERE, you’ve become this amazing beast, helping your peers that the fallen leader could not. But they are wrong. A true leader knows he could not go any further without the True Capitaine. You should also expect to do much better when your comrade comes back. That is the real leadership aspect.
For $100/class, I will teach you this. Or, if you have straws, I take that as compensation as well.
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Wash DC
| miami craigslist > volunteers | email this posting to a friend |
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EMERGENCY! Life support needed!
Reply to: comm-494615@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 4:12AM EST
Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I’m doing real bad here folks. Two years ago, I had it all: the praise, the fame and the glory. I don’t know what happened… well, I do… my circle of “friends” (ENABLERS!) have been coasting on life ever since we made it big together. Now we’re nothing. Bupkus. I think I take the most blame, thinking all the glory and the success will come back even if I don’t try. My wife had so much “work” done and now I don’t even know how to gain respect again.
Help!!!!
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Miami
| boston craigslist > missed connections |
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saw u @ work, remember me?
Reply to: comm-3484215@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 7:41AM EST
Um, I don’t usually do this… Well, while “working” on my lame job recently I think I saw you sitting across from me. See, my job, there’s really nothing for me to do. Seriously! Nothing.
I’m supposed to call the shots, but I think the guys pretty much have it figured out… I mean, I like getting paid, but it’s like I’m Julia Louis-Dreyfuss from the 1982 to 1985 SNL seasons—USELESS! So there I was, pretending to work, and I saw you. Hope you come by my work sometime again, I’ll be doing my usual faking. So, coffee?
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Boston
| memphis craigslist > misc romance |
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Fun times, but can you handle it?
Reply to: comm-34515416@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-20, 8:02AM EST
Here there. By day, some people would think I’m a guy’s guy, seeing as what I do is dominated by guys. But I tell ya, I can pass as a high school girl’s soccer coach, if you know what I mean. But I’m only interested in serious relationships okay? If you want to meet, I’ll be at the salon getting hi-lites
XOXO
MiMi
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Location: Memphis
Look Ma, I’m On NBA.com!… Sort of… Not Really… Shut Up November 8, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Hype Shirts, Marketing, Miss Gossip Cameo, NBA TOONS, Photoshopery, Washington Wizards , 6 comments |
KTHXBAI to Skeetzzz for the noticin’ on the splashy front page of NBA dot com:
‘Grats to Gil for destroying the nerd patrol. But of course, we all know you’re a nerd yourself, so I guess it all works out. Gilbertology (sidenote: even Firefox says that’s a real word!) has been all over this and so has Gil himself actually.
I neglected to jump all over this, but it’s only because like Nostradamus, I totally called this a year ago (I will never ever be tired of those posts) And I thanked all the others in the past posts before (y’all know who you are, you sly D.C. area peoples!) but I really must take the time to acknowledge mister photographer Brett Stirton of Getty Images. Pat yourself on the back Brett!!
Tiny Update: Even super funktastic blog-gals are pimpin it!! 
Gilbert Blog Post Shirts [TheHype Gears of Clothing]
Stephen Colbert’s The Word Previews The NBA Pt.3 October 22, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 07/08 Season Previews, Cleveland Cavaliers, Indiana Pacers, Los Angeles Clippers, Milwaukee Bucks, New Orleans Hornets, Portland Trailblazers, Seattle Supersonics, Washington Wizards , add a comment |
The final week of The WORD Previews (Check out 1 and 2) . Today is Section 3 of the NBA (Sec.4 will come Thursday. Promise. Hugs and kisses) consisting of: Bucks, Pacers, Wizards, Hornets, Cavaliers, Clippers, Trailblazers and SuperSonics.
You know what’s worse than never making the playoffs, or actually making the playoffs each year, but because of the high toxin level of mediocrity, you really aren’t contending? The thing that’s worse than that is making it all the way—to the elite contending level, but then drop off drastically the next year.
Which brings us to today’s Word.
 The Re-Up.
It’s never satisfactory to get to the Playoffs year after year but not making any noise beyond the 3rd quarter hot shooting giving your team a 96-81 lead IN GAME ONE. Because right afterwards, your hopes and dreams are shattered like something that would shatter easily. |
 But perhaps that fate is far more merciful than what the Clippers or Sonics have to endure.
Tearing it up like no one’s businesses, these two clubs revamped their franchises two seasons ago by getting to new heights. What happened after that? Not a peep. The next season was their version of entropy.So it’s with a great concern that Cleveland might go this route as well because of just how lackluster they ended last June. |
 Just ask the Pacers.
They were the best of the East just a few young seasons ago. Now? It’s the Jim O’Brien Show and we’re just watching. Things are cyclical in the world, so the inevitability of the Cavaliers’ fall is almost certain. The one thing you can’t be certain of is something that no one will ever see coming. |
 That’s where the Wacky Wizards come in.
Their team lockerroom chemistry is as spontaneous as leader so just about anything is up for grabs. Hey, there were atop the Eastern Conference for a good two weeks last season. Never saw that coming. Hey, their Big 3 aka THE ENTIRE TEAM got injured and they flailed around into the playoffs. Never saw that coming.So what’s going to happen to them this year? I guess we just all have to watch and find out. |
 And that’s the word
(I just realized I didn’t say much about the three other teams. With good reason: Either they’re too depressing (Portland), too WTF, they still around? (Milwaukee) or just too meh (Hornets) Sorry! |
Breaking: Gilbert Arenas Wants To Do Halle Berry October 11, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Photoshopery, Washington Wizards , 3 comments |
No no, not right now. She is preggers after all and that would be kinda… icky.
But nay, taking a quote from an interview of Complex Magazine completely out of context would give you the reason for my headline:
C: Now what feels better, nailing the buzzer beater or having sex?
Gilbert Arenas: (laughs) Damn. You know what, a buzzer beater because it’s harder. You can get sex every day. (laughs) If it was sex with Halle Berry? I’d take Halle Berry. (laughs)
Actually, that question came out of nowhere in the original interview, so there’s that. You know, and this might reveal something about me, I was never really into Ms. Berry. She looks okay I guess, but nothing spectacularizingly beautiful. And I really think she’s an overrated actress, there I said it.
But oh yeah, the Gilbert Arenas interview there are some other interesting things Gil talks about: namely bringing up the fact that you can’t call him a shoot-first PG when he has two other teammates averaging 20pts and how he is mentally tough to hang with Kobe.
Bonusly Related: Eddie Jordan can sell water to a lake I tells ya
(Thanks Joe for the tip!)
