What’d I Give For… The Zards Beheading The King; Rockets To Fly; And Hawks Warrioring The Celtics May 2, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Houston Rockets, TV Shows, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Listen kids, back in the year 2008, there were these great Eastern Conference first round match ups that took everyone by surprise. Your uncle Barney made legendary bet that if LeBron James AND Kevin Garnett did not make it to the second round, he would hit on Doris Burke.
Now, believe it or not, back before you kids had the ANBCBSPNNFOX sports network that you have today, there was this amazing network called TNT — where they had crappy original shows but for unexplained reasons, their NBA coverage surpasses every single sports show about any sports.
Let’s bring you up to speed: May 2nd, 2008. The Washington Wizards’ legion of fans versus Cleveland’s royalty. Of course LeBron was the easy choice to plow through a measly opponent like the Wizards… as their key stars are just trying to recover while a great role player is invoking a rap war over the hardwood floor.
But you obviously have not been reading up on their mystique (not the WNBA team). This is a team that will do magnificiant damage in the realms of the unseen. This is a team that shall unequivocally push their limits as a collective onto an undeserving royal. They will rise up and make it game seven…because I’m really needing the points in my playoff point.
Undeniably, I’ve been a T-Mac fan 4 lifez. Part of the enduring love and frustration for rooting a marvel such as he is not seeing his failure in the first round exits. Nay. It is our own unfulfilled expectations of superiority for a beast that cannot be defined—Darwin couldn’t draw shit like this.
If it were up to the 12 Gods of Kobol, T-Mac would’ve been ostracized long ago into Cylon kingdom. He’s not one of the pure NBA great. His storyline never changes. Worst of all, he keeps an arsenal of power that will only come out to attack when you least, and inconsequentially, expected. He is a frakking toaster.
But I still root for the guy. Because through his sideway eyes I see myself. One that was destined for greatness but for some reason our GPS gadget broke. We’re in perpetual lost-hood. Until we crawl ourselves out of the cave, there is but one option: faith in the unknown. That is the legend of the right shoulder vein.
As for the old soul Hawks versus the old old Celtics. It will make my heart warm up like the south if Atlanta maintains their idealism by flipping the script. No one gave them a single game. Yet Joe Johnson came to cross up that delusion (what up Leon Powe) by reminding the world he was once untouchable as an original mover of the ‘05 Phoenix Suns team. Let them pass and the world will be in total order. Chaos will be Boston’s street name.
Mighty Morphin’ Power Layups! March 17, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Marketing, TV Shows, Toronto Raptors , 2 comments |
I know the rest of the league went green for Paddy’s Drunken Binge Day, but seriously bros, something about the Raptors and their color scheme are all about looking like Tommy by in ‘93:
It’s gotta be the jagged stripes on the side that gives it that nostalgic look, at least to me. And come on: DRAGONZOD vs. RAPTOR, WHO YOU GOT!!!! Oh and Raps lose again without Bosh to the Utah Jazz. There’s a message in there somewhere. I think it’s something about cheeseburgers.
Let’s Get Lost Tonight, You Can Be My Black Smoke Monster Tonight February 1, 2008
Posted by TheHype in TV Shows, Unrelatedness , add a comment |
So many questions, so little answers! Why did Hurley get off the island when he was totally like, “naw dawg, I be wif Locke son”; why didn’t Naomi cut Kate so we can be like “YES! finally”; why didn’t Manu Ginobili get an All-Star spot? And Holy Television Actors, Batman! IT’S LT. Deputy Commissioner DANIELS!
Chain of Command Hugo.
It’s all so obvious now. The Monster is Snoop and Jacob is the drug trade.
Catching Up With Everything In The History Of Everything January 29, 2008
Posted by TheHype in NBA At Large, Photoshopery, Site Bidness, TV Shows, Unrelatedness , add a comment |
…Which of course, means after this post, I’d be gone for another 9 and a half days. So be the fickle nature of life… and the bloody cold.
NBA: I hear Chris Paul is Superman, Batman, Voltron, Phrenium Cadmium Isotope-92 all rolled into one amazing player that is murking the entire Western Conference. The Western Conference! And his Hornets (ironically, they do NOT have horns) have been beating up on their Southwest Division brothers in the Spurs.
Oh, what? He’s not a West All-Star starter? Well then, the only emotion I can convey in response to that is to imitize The Bryon Scott Arms Folding Emotion of Anger.
Webber Is Back In The Bay-Ay: I look forward to the post game interviews. Please please Mr. Commish re-instate the Beer Drinking After Game rule. For all the jumping around the league, C-Webb still has that affect on fans, and opponents (somewhat…whenever he can jump) so it’s nice to see the whole thing come full circle.
What else? The Miami Heat is worse than my nephew’s Toddler League (and he’s only 13 months old!!) It would seem like I love to harp on the Heat (I really do) but it’s just poetic, seeing as how I started this blog so many moons ago during the 06 Finals whereby Riley and Co. were able to “overcome insurmountable obstacles”. When beating Indiana to snap a 15 game L-Streak is the best thing since winning the chip, let’s just call this team lottery worthy shall we?
The Wire: HOLY SHIT. They killed Prop Joe. You bastards. I’d say his death is worse than Butchie’s only because I’ve grown fond of his sage wisdom over the seasons.
Now that’s another incentive for Omar to get the guns blazing. Though, and I don’t know anything since I’m spoiler free, I get the sense that his invincible hit man just might fall down this last season. Paging Brother Mouzone… Paging Brother Mouzone…
Through The Wire: Ep. 2, Where Car Pranks Are Fun! January 13, 2008
Posted by TheHype in TV Shows, Unrelatedness , add a comment |
Hey Wire-Less, ha ha! Get it? Woo me! But yeah, another solid episode. That’s the way to do it Jimmy! Hobos have had the benefit of the doubt for far too long. Other, bullet form quick pick ups
• Separated at birth: WWE Mick Foley and the NA sponsor guy Walon
• Love the call back of oldy but goody quotes: “the game is rigged”, “giving a fuck when it’s not your turn to give a fuck”
• You know, I’ve read that David Simon put in that bit about the EIC at the Sun saying he wants to depict a “Dickensian” life as a jab at himself (because a lot of reviews of season 4 used the old white guy as comparison as well) But I gotta say, I zipped through S4 before even reading a single review and came to the same exact “Dickensian” thought… hell, even the seasons before that it was evident… What I’m trying to say is… I think I’m all that. BOOYA.
• Hah, this line: “I think you need context to seriously examine anything…” comes especially poignant given the recent US democratic campaign controversies surrounding Bill and Hillary Clinton’s quotes taken out of context
• OK, is it just me, but how can Marlo still be THE king of the corners when he can’t intimidate anyone for over a year? I’d think his business would’ve taken a beating because of the heavy surveillance
• Finally, is Bubbs in the 8th level of hell of scrubbing pots or something?
Things You Wouldn’t Hear January 11, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Culture/Fashion/Style, Photoshopery, TV Shows , 2 comments |
********TRANSCRIPT********
DAVID STERN: So that’s all there is… any questions?
REPORTER: Yes right here, David. What are your thoughts on Make Me A Supermodel?
DAVID STERN: What?
REPORTER: What are your thoughts on Make Me—
DAVID STERN: I heard you the first time. I can’t believe you’re asking this stupid question.
REPORTER: Well, I…
DAVID STERN: “Well I” NOTHING! Make Me A Supermodel is such a Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model ripoff. How dare you bring that trash into my press conference. Be gone you witch! Be gone!!
********END OF DAVID LYNCH’S TRANSCRIPT********
Oh, You Can’t Evacuate People… Now You Tell Me January 7, 2008
Posted by TheHype in TV Shows, Unrelatedness , 2 comments |
So, the season premiere of the final season of The Wire huh? Awesome. That’s really all I wanted to put out there. Nothing in-depth analysis here, I’m sure you know where to look for them (I think it’s practically a given that anyone that writes about the show treats it with a high degree of inspection). Mainly just wanted to do the point thingys as a way to jot down my brain crack:
• McNulty’s on the sauce again. That’s our boy! JIM-MEY!
• Chris is so inconspicuous he can sneak up on a ninja
• Hey Marlo, can you speak a little louder? I think that’s the reason why the East side boys are so pissed at you. Tone brother
• Reginald?
• Carver and Herc eh? How far you’ve both come… while not really
• Random Wire relations: Caught the trailer for a probably bad movie and heard a familiar voice as the FBI agent before the character even shows up. Half Nelson, starring the entire season 4 actors… at first you’d think it was one of those amazing stories about two lost souls fighting for a chance to find their way… but it just felt like… blop. Yeah, that’s right. Blop.
• I secretly love 236’s rundown … as it sorta was how I first “felt” about the very first episode of Wire but for me, I settled in on the 25th minute
Christ, now some guys who are totally different guys from any of the other guys in this show are talking in the newsroom of a big city newspaper. I thought this was a cop show. So are these, like, cops who work at a newspaper? Not to mention there hasn’t even been a single joke since that whole Xerox machine thing
• Finally, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report retours ce soir!
Um, and uh, NBA… let’s see… Danny Granger is a monster! Or not. You tell me man, you tell me.
Man.
Oh What A Year It Shall Be January 2, 2008
Posted by TheHype in NBA At Large, Photoshopery, TV Shows , 2 comments |
2008, welcome to the world. The empty, dark and barren world… Smilies!
There was shit fest of snow the past couple of days and I just got around to “help” out shoveling. I could totally bury my neighbor and now one would know…until just now…but…we’re cool right? You’re not going to tell are you? ARE. YOU.? I have snow and I’m not afraid to use it.
Anyways, as far as NBA storylines are concerned, I have a hard time reading it.
THE EAST: For sure, Chicago needs a life preserver ASAP. Scottie Pippen? If only for vanity… I’d say bring in Hubie Brown — it’ll be a blow to ESPN and fans of good analysis, but he’s the type of coach that can give mouth to mouth to this choking franchise. C’mon, who wouldn’t give Hubes an open mouth kiss? AMIRIGHTLADIES?
The Hawks are getting the quietest press (that or I haven’t read much… or in reality, I can’t read) even though they are fourth place in the East! Damn! Is it possible the Hawks kill’em come playoff time? Detroit keeps on trucking and finally have that “no respect” card to play again now that the Celtics take the burden off everyone else’s chest to dominate silly in the regular season. I see that as a wise move, because seriously, the elites need not waste energy on the dreary game of February.
Toronto, Indiana and Washington: someone please make the move to differentiate yourselves, or else I’m just looking at the exact same team fighting for nothing. Cavs, go away. And by the way, the Hedo pic is just to remind myself that I’m actively rooting for the Magic to represent the East in the Finals. It’s so crazy it’s going to happen!
THE WEST: Despite the slowness to Dallas, it’s looking like they’ll make themselves quite the Second Half Push Sandwich and eat it like it’s yummy. The Hornets can just let Chris Paul’s magical powers take over. The Suns/Spurs have made a pact to just play for reals against each other. Denver hopes their night and day performances work out for them. Portland is going to the 2nd round and whoever that thought of the Shorts Shorts Lakers promotion should be tried for Crimes of War.
What’s On The Tele-Tube Tonight?
- Focus your eyeballs on Mavs-Warriors Winner: Mavs
- Letterman, Leno, Ferguson, Conan, Kimmel are all back tonight. I actually quite like them all and hope for their best, but clearly Letterman/Ferguson has the edge with writers back as well. Winner: Letterman, and a push to Kimmel
The All-Extra-Terrestrial Team December 2, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Cleveland Cavaliers, Hype Tube, Los Angeles Clippers, Orlando Magic, TV Shows, Videos , 5 comments |
Sorry, couldn’t find a naked NBA pictures. I know man, I know.
Grant Hill Is Going To Be Oprahized November 13, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Phoenix Suns, Photoshopery, TV Shows , 4 comments |
Oprah: Here, Grant, have a little sip
Grant Hill: Um, no thanks Oprah, I got a game in 20 minutes
Oprah: Aww, c’mon you little bitch, it’s just a little bubbly!
Grant Hill: Miss Winfrey, language! I have never!
Oprah: Pfffft, your loss party pooper
[Oprah then chugs the entire bottle]
Grant Hill: … So … where’s my free car?
Grant Hill To Cry On Oprah Wednesday [AZ Sports Huz, thanks Greg!]
