What’d I Give For… The Zards Beheading The King; Rockets To Fly; And Hawks Warrioring The Celtics May 2, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Houston Rockets, TV Shows, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Listen kids, back in the year 2008, there were these great Eastern Conference first round match ups that took everyone by surprise. Your uncle Barney made legendary bet that if LeBron James AND Kevin Garnett did not make it to the second round, he would hit on Doris Burke.
Now, believe it or not, back before you kids had the ANBCBSPNNFOX sports network that you have today, there was this amazing network called TNT — where they had crappy original shows but for unexplained reasons, their NBA coverage surpasses every single sports show about any sports.
Let’s bring you up to speed: May 2nd, 2008. The Washington Wizards’ legion of fans versus Cleveland’s royalty. Of course LeBron was the easy choice to plow through a measly opponent like the Wizards… as their key stars are just trying to recover while a great role player is invoking a rap war over the hardwood floor.
But you obviously have not been reading up on their mystique (not the WNBA team). This is a team that will do magnificiant damage in the realms of the unseen. This is a team that shall unequivocally push their limits as a collective onto an undeserving royal. They will rise up and make it game seven…because I’m really needing the points in my playoff point.
Undeniably, I’ve been a T-Mac fan 4 lifez. Part of the enduring love and frustration for rooting a marvel such as he is not seeing his failure in the first round exits. Nay. It is our own unfulfilled expectations of superiority for a beast that cannot be defined—Darwin couldn’t draw shit like this.
If it were up to the 12 Gods of Kobol, T-Mac would’ve been ostracized long ago into Cylon kingdom. He’s not one of the pure NBA great. His storyline never changes. Worst of all, he keeps an arsenal of power that will only come out to attack when you least, and inconsequentially, expected. He is a frakking toaster.
But I still root for the guy. Because through his sideway eyes I see myself. One that was destined for greatness but for some reason our GPS gadget broke. We’re in perpetual lost-hood. Until we crawl ourselves out of the cave, there is but one option: faith in the unknown. That is the legend of the right shoulder vein.
As for the old soul Hawks versus the old old Celtics. It will make my heart warm up like the south if Atlanta maintains their idealism by flipping the script. No one gave them a single game. Yet Joe Johnson came to cross up that delusion (what up Leon Powe) by reminding the world he was once untouchable as an original mover of the ‘05 Phoenix Suns team. Let them pass and the world will be in total order. Chaos will be Boston’s street name.
Year End Awards Presented By The Hotness Computer April 8, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Awards, New Orleans Hornets, Philadelphia 76ers, Unrelatedness, Videos, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
The Hotness Computer: Computing Away the Uglies Since 248 BC.
This year’s awards will recognize the truly beautiful aspects of the game, as mathematically calculated by The Hotness Computer.
The Hotness Playa: Chris Paul
Surely CP3’s magic can no longer be contained. It’s just bursting like tulips around this time of year. This guy can get anywhere in the court and no one can do anything about it, not even his mama. Averaging at least three alley-oops to Tyson Chandler (he got one up on Utah just as I’m typing this) even with teams knowing that’s in their nightly play book—that’s magician-like. Speaking of the Jazz, Deron Williams vs. Chris Paul forever please! Oh and being #1 in the West is no small feat.
The Hotness Underdog: 7ty6ers
Sixers? I don’t even know her. No seriously. I don’t anything about the Philly Ballas. Having them get into the playoffs, that’s sneaky guys. Don’t do that to me again. Andre, if you can windmill and do a somersault in mid-air whilst Dwight Howard flies over you? I’d be very appreciative.
The Hotness Hibachi Being Back: ARENAS ARENAS ARENAS ARENAS!
Hey, Agent Zero Time Zero Equals Zero is back y’all. That’s very important around here. So important that because of him (obviously) I will make a LeBron voodoo doll just in case they match up in the playoffs. Oh Bron, YOU’RE IN FOR A BIG BACK THIGH HURTIN’!
The Hotness of Filming Stuff: Stuff I’m proud to have done recently with classmates. Like with the Girltalk from yesteryear, we worked waaaay too hard to something that’s only a couple minutes long (come on Spielberg, call already!). Chek-it:
A 2min FILM (16mm what!) with the main idea of “space” and “depth” in mind. So don’t mind if there’s no story.
A another 2min short, this time with video, playing with “time”. There might be a story here somewhere. It has something to do with the LA Clippers, I’m sure of it. Also, I’m in there somewhere: hint, I’m not a tree.
Hmmm, so many video projects…just gives me luscious ideas that I should combine it with my other favorite loves, namely…sports…hmmm….(*rubs evil cat and laughs maniacally*)
WotS: Gil Shuttin’ Yer Down? January 7, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Injuries, Washington Wizards, Word on the Streetz , add a comment |
Woah there Nelly. Gilbert Arenas might be thinking of forgetting the 07-08 season ever happened by thinking of not coming back this season. How are the citizenry of Word on the Streetz going to take this…
 Jonas Yezim Patent Officer “Arenas plays basketball? I thought he was imaginary, like Captain Planet, the Loch Ness and genital herpes.”  Sarah Laney Poll Researcher “It saddened me… he totally fucked up my fantasy team.”  Barack Obama Prez Candidate “FINALLY!” |
Quick Picks For Tonight November 20, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Unrelatedness , add a comment |
It became clear to me, as I was drifting into another world while thinking of an opening sentence for my paper, that my domain name fees will be coming up shortly. So, I propose a union: my correct point margins for tonights games in exchange for some click action of some sponsors. Whadaysay?
Spurs 110 - Hawks 88
Cavs 97 - Bucks 94
Lakers 103 - Pacers 102
Wizards 115 - 76ers 108
Warriors 99 - Knicks 90
Mavericks 93 - Raptors 91
Nuggets 106 - Bulls 94
Suns 107 - Kings 100
BTW, you must check these: I want to marry Darvin’s brain. And the fine folks from Adidas sent over the link to GILTV, which has some fucking hilarious bits (YouTubed also by the Ham Fam). The only question is, — since Darvin pointed it out, it could’ve been tighter with writers that aren’t on strike — why didn’t Gil ask me to write some of these? I WOULD HAVE DONE IT FOR FREE! And by free, I mean $16 million dollars!
Helping TheHype’s domain fees out: NBA All Star tix, NBA Tickets at Ticket City
What’s In A Nickname? November 17, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Photoshopery , 1 comment so far |
Gut-check thought on this one? “Eh.”
Look Ma, I’m On NBA.com!… Sort of… Not Really… Shut Up November 8, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Hype Shirts, Marketing, Miss Gossip Cameo, NBA TOONS, Photoshopery, Washington Wizards , 6 comments |
KTHXBAI to Skeetzzz for the noticin’ on the splashy front page of NBA dot com:
‘Grats to Gil for destroying the nerd patrol. But of course, we all know you’re a nerd yourself, so I guess it all works out. Gilbertology (sidenote: even Firefox says that’s a real word!) has been all over this and so has Gil himself actually.
I neglected to jump all over this, but it’s only because like Nostradamus, I totally called this a year ago (I will never ever be tired of those posts) And I thanked all the others in the past posts before (y’all know who you are, you sly D.C. area peoples!) but I really must take the time to acknowledge mister photographer Brett Stirton of Getty Images. Pat yourself on the back Brett!!
Tiny Update: Even super funktastic blog-gals are pimpin it!! 
Gilbert Blog Post Shirts [TheHype Gears of Clothing]
Breaking: Gilbert Arenas Wants To Do Halle Berry October 11, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Photoshopery, Washington Wizards , 3 comments |
No no, not right now. She is preggers after all and that would be kinda… icky.
But nay, taking a quote from an interview of Complex Magazine completely out of context would give you the reason for my headline:
C: Now what feels better, nailing the buzzer beater or having sex?
Gilbert Arenas: (laughs) Damn. You know what, a buzzer beater because it’s harder. You can get sex every day. (laughs) If it was sex with Halle Berry? I’d take Halle Berry. (laughs)
Actually, that question came out of nowhere in the original interview, so there’s that. You know, and this might reveal something about me, I was never really into Ms. Berry. She looks okay I guess, but nothing spectacularizingly beautiful. And I really think she’s an overrated actress, there I said it.
But oh yeah, the Gilbert Arenas interview there are some other interesting things Gil talks about: namely bringing up the fact that you can’t call him a shoot-first PG when he has two other teammates averaging 20pts and how he is mentally tough to hang with Kobe.
Bonusly Related: Eddie Jordan can sell water to a lake I tells ya
(Thanks Joe for the tip!)
Season 1 of Gazo The Pranksta on DVD Now! October 1, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Photoshopery , 1 comment so far |
Surely I cannot have the entire season of Gil er, Gazo’s show on DVD when the none of it has even graced our internet screens. Surely, if you assume as such, you are wrong. Shirley, you’re wrong as well, for other, totally random reasons.
Yes, indeed, I have seen it all. And I will ruin it for all of you. And I’ll do it without any spoiler alerts, MWAHAHAHAHAHA.
Episode 1: Gazo Fakes His Own Death
In this pilot episode, Gazo decides he’s learned everything there is to learn so he plans out a way to, get this: stop going to school. He enlists the help of Abbey, because well, look at her! At first they were going to do a simple photoshop of him laying on the side of the road with ketchup all over the place. But Abbey’s all like “No Gazo, if we go, we have to go all the way.” To which Gazo promptly stopped right there and said, “Right. Fuck this, I’ll just fake a doctor’s note”
Episode 2: Gazo Does “Special” Scientific Experiments on Agent Zip
The origins of Zip’s pouch zipper is finally revealed.
Episode 3: Gazo Christmas Special
In a special Gazo interpretation of Dickens’ Christmas Carol, Gazo gets visited by the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. He then bet with them each $50 000 that he can make 100 3s using his left hand. Suckers as they were, the three Christmas Ghosts got their asses (um… incorporeal asses) handed to them.
Episode 4: Gazo Learns About Being An Adult
One day at the end of classes, Gazo forgot his backpack in his classroom. Upon entering, he sees that his math teacher is calculating the quadratic equation all by himself, if you know what I mean. Gazo then got that teacher fired because he is a sick sick man. This episode is banned in 17 countries.
Episode 5: Gazo Has A Doppelgänger Part 1
In this penultimate ep, Gaz finds out someone took a sample of his DNA and made a direct clone of him. At first Larry, the Asian guy, suspected someone odd when the double started saying things like, “Oh, my swag is okay… it’s nothing great… certainly not phenomenal” But Larry wears glasses, so they dismiss him. That would be a grave mistake, as Faux-Gazo took this opportunity to … dun dun dun … be NICE to Larry! To Be Continued…
Episode 6: Gazo Has A Doppelgänger Part 2
Gazo finds out that Other-Gazo is actually a much nicer and more humble person than he is. In fact everyone seems to like him. Other-Gazo doesn’t really pose a threat, he’s not trying to takeover Gazo’s life—he even asked Real Gaz if he should leave—and it just seems like the day is sunnier when Other-Gazo is around. Everything seems perfect right? And that is why Gazo called the IRS on Fake-Gazo. Now he’s in prison for not paying taxes.
“But! But… I’m a clone!” he said before the guards locked him up
“Hahah, yeeeeah, OJ used that one on me already. I’m not falling for that one again, thankyouverymuch” replied the judge.
The End.
His Cartoon Will Be Thismuch Better Than Space Jam August 31, 2007
Posted by TheHype in NBA TOONS, Washington Wizards , add a comment |
Wow, I can’t believe I did that (click on the pic for biggerer) just about a year ago (original post here) … time flies like mofo huh.
Anyways, the full story and an “updated” doodle is at the FanHouse for all to see. Gil and my silly little world collide. I hope he hires me for this. Even if it’s to sweep the floor. Please Mr. Zero, please!!
Full disclosure: I broke like, at least two lead pencils coming up with that ish over at the ‘Haus… so be kind yo.
Plan: Getting Gilbert Arenas to Hook You Up With NBA Tickets August 28, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Washington Wizards , 2 comments |
At the beginning of the month, Gil schnagged a joke from a comedian and retold it through his entertaining NBA blog. At the time, I said it really wasn’t a big deal over at the FanHouse, with Arenas not really a comedian. He even talked about it after some discussion saying “so what?” But afterwards, I swung the ball back out, repositioned myself and thought: “actually, that’s kinda uncool, since Ian Edwards (the comedian) is making a living off that joke—and it doesn’t get recognized if it’s ripped without at least some mention of him” y’know?
I was starting to think my tee-shirt hero is mischievous, the bad kind, the evil sneaky Gargamel kind!
But thank goodness the Black President assures us he’s a stand up guy, from his latest BLOG POST:
Shark Comedians Unite
Me and Ian Edwards texted. We chopped it up. He said when I come to L.A. I have to get him some front row tickets and then he’ll give me some tickets for his comedy show. I told him, “Sound good. That’s all I watch is comedy.” And he wrote back, “Yeah, I can see that.” So we’re cool. I have to give him a shout out.
Aha. Well, that’s it. That’s the plan: think of an awesome “bit” and hopefully the East Coast Assassin picks up on this, rip it off and then we make nice and be friends. Here’s my joke:
NBA COURTSIDE SEAT TICKETS PLEASE MR. ARENAS!
Try to explain the West...
