What’d I Give For… The Zards Beheading The King; Rockets To Fly; And Hawks Warrioring The Celtics May 2, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Houston Rockets, TV Shows, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards , 1 comment so far |
Listen kids, back in the year 2008, there were these great Eastern Conference first round match ups that took everyone by surprise. Your uncle Barney made legendary bet that if LeBron James AND Kevin Garnett did not make it to the second round, he would hit on Doris Burke.
Now, believe it or not, back before you kids had the ANBCBSPNNFOX sports network that you have today, there was this amazing network called TNT — where they had crappy original shows but for unexplained reasons, their NBA coverage surpasses every single sports show about any sports.
Let’s bring you up to speed: May 2nd, 2008. The Washington Wizards’ legion of fans versus Cleveland’s royalty. Of course LeBron was the easy choice to plow through a measly opponent like the Wizards… as their key stars are just trying to recover while a great role player is invoking a rap war over the hardwood floor.
But you obviously have not been reading up on their mystique (not the WNBA team). This is a team that will do magnificiant damage in the realms of the unseen. This is a team that shall unequivocally push their limits as a collective onto an undeserving royal. They will rise up and make it game seven…because I’m really needing the points in my playoff point.
Undeniably, I’ve been a T-Mac fan 4 lifez. Part of the enduring love and frustration for rooting a marvel such as he is not seeing his failure in the first round exits. Nay. It is our own unfulfilled expectations of superiority for a beast that cannot be defined—Darwin couldn’t draw shit like this.
If it were up to the 12 Gods of Kobol, T-Mac would’ve been ostracized long ago into Cylon kingdom. He’s not one of the pure NBA great. His storyline never changes. Worst of all, he keeps an arsenal of power that will only come out to attack when you least, and inconsequentially, expected. He is a frakking toaster.
But I still root for the guy. Because through his sideway eyes I see myself. One that was destined for greatness but for some reason our GPS gadget broke. We’re in perpetual lost-hood. Until we crawl ourselves out of the cave, there is but one option: faith in the unknown. That is the legend of the right shoulder vein.
As for the old soul Hawks versus the old old Celtics. It will make my heart warm up like the south if Atlanta maintains their idealism by flipping the script. No one gave them a single game. Yet Joe Johnson came to cross up that delusion (what up Leon Powe) by reminding the world he was once untouchable as an original mover of the ‘05 Phoenix Suns team. Let them pass and the world will be in total order. Chaos will be Boston’s street name.
New Year Resolutions December 28, 2007
Posted by TheHype in NBA At Large , add a comment |
Resolutions are stupid. No one changes, ever. Tell ‘em Jet! And I’m not just projecting Mr. Oh-Look-At-Me-And-My-Psychology-Degree. But everyone makes them for pure vanity and the tiny glimmer that you’re promising yourself something. Here’s to your hope and dreams lads and lasses:
Satan Riles:
My resolution will be to admit that I can’t coach since I’ve made horrible offseason non-moves. To one up the resolution, I’ll force myself to go through a rebuilding movement by actually standing by and not “take a leave of absence”
I’ll stop reminding everyone that we won the championship just 2 years ago, when, IT’S BEEN TWO YEARS AND MANY INJURIES.
Kevin Garnett
My resolution will be to change… nothing. The way things are going right now is what’s up. That’s real talk. This is the best situation ever, no need to screw it up right?
The only test will be when we face the Spurs — then maybe I’ll fade in the fourth quarter and go un-clutch. But hey, I have two other closers on my team. No change needed. Real talk.
Harry the Hawk
My resolution will be to stop eating small children. I know, I know, I said the same thing last year, and the suits have told me adamantly that this is a no-no… but DAMN, they are delicious!
I’ll also be helping the Hawks towards a playoff push by perhaps punching the opposing team’s equipment manager in the nuts. That’ll show them who’s boss.
Marlo Stanfield
I think my resolution will be to try and stop killing so many people. But you know, it’s so hard!
I just want to be THE man and there’s no other alternative. Man, this resolution will be hard to keep. Shooting people in the face is just my thang, but I guess we all have to change. We’ll see.
Dr. House
I’M IN PAIN.
Like I’m going to give up the drugs, pffft. Look, what’s worse? Being a drug addict while saving lives, or being a DEAD drug addict and saving NO lives? Yeah.
Fine, my resolution will be to include the original cast members a little bit more lest we forget they ever existed.
Lots of snow
My resolution will be to try and come out less. I know, I’m sorry I’m sorry. The only people that like me are snowboarders and skiers and everyone in the city wants to kill me, I’m sorry.
I swear I’ll do my bestest and follow the Global Warming club and just stop. I know I’m annoying, but we can still be friends right? Like the time I made you late for work, classes and made your clothes soaking wet? Fun times!
Live Blog: Celtics At Raptors On CBC (Seriously!) November 4, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Live Blogging, Toronto Raptors , 4 comments |
0:02:2 - Walter. Ray. Allen. Wins it. 98-95. I’m taking a nap
0:04.4 - Terrance. Jerod. Ford. Ties it.
0:07.8 - They went for the best basket instead of the fast tie from a driving TJ. Shows how much I know… not much.
0:18 - Free throw time, and Kevin nails only 1 of 2… time to draw up a play of Nick Lachey.
0:22 - All those haters out there that still say Garnett isn’t clutch should see this game. KG is torching the overtime over a mighty good defender in Bosh. 92-88
OT 2:33 - 85-85 just as Ray Ray and Ford trade 3s and KG and Bosh trade hoops. Hmm, CBC might have to bump Rick Mercer if this goes on any further!
End of Regulation - Pierce was iso’d from beginning to end and had a shot he normally makes, but yay for us, another 5 mins of missed shots! HUZZAH!
0:31 - Pop quiz hot shot, you’re down 2. Bosh is hot right now, what are you going to do? Yes, that’s right, don’t you dare drive slower than 55MPH
0:52 - James Posey wins the Lifetime Achievement Award for flopping
1:38 - Going back to Bosh.. I don’t know why KG isn’t defending him 78-76
2:38 - It’s a ball game folks 75-74 after Kapono and Posey trade 3s and Bosh hitting FTs
We’re stuck on 70-67 after several turnovers. I’m stuck on Falling-Asleep
7:00 - I love Yahoo’s description of play-by-play “8:53 BOS - Bad pass by J. Posey”
7:52 - 70 -66, thank you 3 point arc
10:16 - This just in: Ray Allen can shoot
10: 30 - It’s 66-58 and I like to applaud the Dinos for listening and not even try to guard Bri-Scal. Clunk clunk clunk
4th QT 11:06 - Man, seeing Bosh go at Garnett and working hard to get the bucket… *tear*… that young pup is all grown up I tells ya
2:13 - Love the way the Celtics are passing the ball to the open man. But uh- tip to the Raptors, DON’T CLOSE IN ON SCALABRINE. when you have Eddie House open
4:33 - YES! Past the 50 point mark! Pizzas for everyone! 53-45 Cs
3rd QT 10:39 - KG, meet your younger self at the rim, Bosh. Rejected yo 40-35
Halftime: 38-31… let me reiterate; THIRTY-EIGHT TO THIRTY-ONE. I need a beer, or 10.
1:41 - I blame this horrible game on CBC. Peter Mansbridge, you’re on notice. 37-26
3:52 - Garnett and co. totally shutting down Bosh and Bargs, yeah, pretty hard to win when your stars don’t have any points up on the big board
6:06 - You wouldn’t know it, but grass is growing on my tv set this game is so slow 30-22
8:33 - The defensive stops here, some 3s dropped shots here (courtesy of the Dazzling Delfino) the Raptors cut it to 23-22
2nd QT 10:45 - Holy crap Scott Pollard is playing some basketball! That hasn’t happened since 2002!
End of 1st - 23-14 Boston and it still looks weird to see KG in green.
2:08 - Kapono is actually more than 3 point guy and a 98 Degrees member lookalike, case in point: denied a lowpost pass to Pierce and ran the court to get a dish from Ford to finish a lay up
4:11 - 16-8, the Dinos aren’t at their usual passibility, credit goes to the tight defense. But yeah, one-on-one isn’t Toronto’s game
6:54 - Rondo turns it over. Dude, you got 3 HoF by your side, that’s not how you get on their good side. 7-2 Cs
9:20 - Bargs’s footwork defies any sort of reality based physics. You can’t tell if it’s traveling or just magic
1st QT 12:00 - Since Doc Rivers is out with the passing of a family member, I’m looking at this game as one of those “win it for coach y’all!” from the Celtics
– Pre-Game: George Stoumbasdfabnababoulous goes over all the disappoints and the new found glory of the Raps. It might seem like a stereotype for one to associate “edgy”, “cool”, “Greek” with rock clothing, but George pulls it off. + 20 Canadian points to him (y’know since it’s worth more than the U.S. dollar)
Ah, the Crown Corporation up here in Snowsville finally gets to show some Raptor games for those farm hillbillies in Alberta (I kid I kid… no one watches basketball in Alberta when watching wheat grow is so much more interesting!).
Anyway, I jot down notes here when the game starts up in a couple of tics. And I’m doing it REVERSE style! BOOM!
I Heart New Site Redesign August 30, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Linkage, Minnesota Timberwoves , add a comment |
No silly wabbit, not my site redesign…god, not again (at least not for the next 5-8 months and 11 days). But it is good friend Sonia’s I Heart KG moving on up to the hott new spot TWolvesBlogDOTCOM where they are looking to takeover the Wolves community with a sick roster of writers and a special members sections where anyone can write up, cotdamn!
Keep up with SG’s updates on her relocation at Daily News section. WOOOOOOO! (<— my wolves howl…)
Party Flyers Everywhere! August 1, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Photoshopery , 4 comments |
If Z-Bo can have fun, why can’t KG?
Behind the Scenes of the Trade July 31, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Minnesota Timberwoves, Photoshopery, Trades , 9 comments |
[Phone rings]
Danny Ainge: yeeeeello? Double Dose of Danny Ainge at your service!
Kevin McHale: It’s… it’s me… K-Dawg
Danny Ainge: K-man! How’s it hanging? Doing good? Did you see the Simpsons movie??
McHale: Yeah! It was pretty awesome! Didn’t you love the part where— hold up… there was something I called you for…
Ainge: You need to borrow money?
McHale: No.. that wasn’t it…
Ainge: …need to borrow cocaine?
McHale: hmm, might’ve been it, but I don’t think so..
Ainge: oh, maybe you wanted to borrow my hooker?
McHale: hahaha no you silly, she’s already at my place, don’t you remember?
Ainge: hah, oh my, yes.
McHale: Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not important. Glad we talked bra
Ainge: Anytime chum!
[meanwhile…]
Woah, Kevin Garnett ISN’T a Timberwolf Anymore? July 30, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Boston Celtics, Minnesota Timberwoves, Trades , 7 comments |
The biggest question first: But What About Mark Madsen? Who is he going to turn to when he’s out there screaming by his lonesome?? Oh sigh.
And yeah, pretty big news… only like… 4 years in the making. Kevin Garnett is going to be a Celtic.
The trade is for Al Jefferson, Ryan Gomes, Gerald Green, Sebastian Telfair, Theo Ratliff, a giant sandwich, three juice boxes, nine boxes of Juicy Fruit a No. 1 pick.
On the one hand, KG not in the dreary old Minnesota uniform is a welcoming sight. It’s also good to see him able to take a leap of faith in a new direction. However, on the other hand… meh… it’s the Celtics. They just traded away their entire bench (and possibly 3/4 Red Auerbach’s cigar collection) for millions and millions of dolla $igns.
Oh I’ll be watching, hopefully — Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Garnett is bananas, but let’s be real for 2 seconds: they are not going to win a championship. Sorry Bostonians, not like this.
What the F, KG? July 9, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Minnesota Timberwoves, Photoshopery , 1 comment so far |
I might’ve hinted something in the earlier link ups a post below. But I think it’s a good discussion platform for another post here (yo yo, I just used “discussion-platform”, what’s next? using the term “discourse”??)
ANYhow, thanks to the chest pass from iheartkg, here be a lovely quote from Kevin Garnett’s dude friend Rshard McCants that just kills me:
[…] But we talked about it a couple of times, scenarios and places. There’s no other place he wants to be. When you’re a king in your own kingdom, why would you want to go somewhere else?” […]
Okay, so we have to keep in sound mind that it ’s R-Mac just saying his side of things, we really don’t know the real KG’s realest thoughts. But I can’t say I’m not a wee bit down on that enlightenment. Like I mentioned in the other post, this guy at a pickup game really tore Garnett up—to the point that I was sensing if Ticket retired today, he wouldn’t even care. But… but… it’s Kevin Garnett!
This guy’s basic premise is that Kevin doesn’t deserve all the pity because he the onus is on him to get his team wins (which he has not.) To which I replied, “hey, meanie! stop being a jerkwad!” … after considerable laughter and ridicule, I also included “but the past few years no credible help was there for him.”
But now, I dunno, when KG’s going all “King of the castle, king of the castle, I have a chair!” and not doing something, anything on getting himself into a winning situation… it just makes me go ugggh, and thinks that he doesn’t really have it as bad it he does, y’know?
A Phone Call With KG & T-Mac May 6, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Playoffs, Houston Rockets, Injuries, Minnesota Timberwoves, Utah Jazz , 3 comments |
May 5th: Houston Rockets got edged out by Utah Jazz in the 1st Round of the 2007 Playoffs. It is also T-Mac’s millionth early exit… making his fans (whoever’s still openly admits to being one) very sad all over again. The following is the transcript of a phone call that we at the Unrelatedness obtained through illegal wiretap “special” ways:
[*riiiiiiiiiing……riiiiiiiiing*]
*whimper* Ahhhh. *sigh*
[*riiiiiiiiiing……riiiiiiiiing*—click—phone picked up]
uh… he… hello?
YO YO YO YO YO YO YO YO
um… KG, that you…?
Look man, I just wanted to say: I’ve been there. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT.
[off to the side] I know.
Listen to me, it’s not your fault.
[serious] I know.
No you don’t, it’s not your fault.
Fuck man. Kev, for that last time, stop that Good Will Hunting shit! I think you have a problem.
…
[…]
I’m… I’m sorry… it was on TV last night… um.. talk to you later?
Whatever. You’re such a geek sometimes.
Feelin’ Hungover Lazy February 25, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Minnesota Timberwoves, NBA TOONS, Washington Wizards , 5 comments |
Like the title says, I’m doing a bit of recyclin’. This was done a while back, but I didn’t know it was a Nostradamus sort of connection between a game this afternoon and tonight’s Hollywood Self-Fatulation Academy Awards 
To quench your undying lust for T-Wolf and Wizardry updates, go here and here. Oh and if Marty Scorsese doesn’t win… let’s just say… Taxi Driver wasn’t just a movie…
oh ps: watching the Bulls-Piston game and saw a very funny D-Wade Gatorade ad. Sigh, too bad.. you know.. he’s pretty much done for the year.. but it was mad funny tho “do it again! do it again!”
Try to explain the West...
