A (Bruce) Banner Year June 17, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Finals, Boston Celtics, Los Angeles Lakers , add a comment |
Sooo, that happened. I’m most impressed with Rondo’s buddha-like emotions. Very interesting seeing that the other guys’ coach is supposed to be the zen dude.
Here’s the deal: I honestly only watched bits and pieces of every game throughout the entire playoffs. Sad to say I know. As one that found bblogging (basketball-blogging–yeah, go ahead, use it, I know you’re going to steal it anyway) an amazing outlet for everything that I lived for, it is a bit of a Debbie Downer to not be as frequent as possible.
But hey, I was hardly the first one to say the above words. Alas, I will not say the words which some may think would follow previous words. Those would be them’s awkward “goodbye blog” words.
NAY. Not I.
I’m just saying, through blogging, however infrequently I did, I loved it. Especially because of the way I exploded my mind all over an Internet space–something I’ve always wanted to do since Windows 3.1. It turns out it was just the beginning of a world of possibilities. I will always be around one way or another, don’t fret. But as you may see, evolution is coming and Darwin is pissed. Wait around, be patience and things will be banging from my front I Al(SWEAR)engen.
Much love and respect.
KG, Jesus and Guy That I Think Is A True Baller’s Baller: that was an amazing season and run. Super fun to watch and you played it up without being the Spurs.
PS: Kobe can make diamonds with his mind.
Vaguely Cognizant Thoughts On Boston/Lakers, Life, And Time Travelling Bunnies May 31, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Finals, Boston Celtics, Los Angeles Lakers , add a comment |
Here’s an idea: there should be a pill that allows one to fall back to sleep easily when they are just recovering from previous three nights of a summer cold. Oh yea. It’s called ‘ambient’ or some shit and I hear it causes erections that last long enough so you need to call a doctor for advice.
Sorry about that. You know when you’re daydreaming? This is sorta what it’s like. I mean, for the longest time I thought Kobe would not ever get back into the Finals. Ever. Not that I have anything against the man—but when he had a backup mate of Smush Parker for some years, my faith is obviously deterred.
Same goes for KG. He was supposed to be bound in Timberwolf purgatory, becoming that great legend that is whispered throughout the nation of being god-like in theory only. A Kobe-KG showdown? With Jesus and Truth on one end and Lamarr Odom and a Spaniard beard on the other? Nay. Tis cannot be, I must be daydreaming.
Since the playoffs began the dream scenario was to have a Lakers/Bostons finale. It brings back memories (of which I wasn’t a) born yet, b) even in the continent at the time) that might give America the hope of change.
Man, it’s so rainy outside at 6AM on a Saturday right now.
Okay, so there’s another reason to daydream. It’s not just to get our minds to a place where we can play around, but it’s also a time when impossibilities are vanquished. You get to literally morph your destiny. Things happen for a reason in real life, but our reasoning can make real things happen in dreamland. When those things collide and you get a formulation of an end result that you dreamed for and is happening in reality for sensible reasons, I flippin flip out.
None of the above made any sense. I’m sorry. Going on 3 hours of sleep here. Maybe I should wrap this up.
LOST will be forever my favorite show to combine several clever artsy and messed up science fiction crap. Moving an entire island? To where? Is Jacob the island? Does Ewan McGregor have anything to do with this?
What’s great about this year’s 2008 NBA Finals is the promise of everything you hoped would happen but feared to embrace. You sense it to be a joy but the knowing anticipation scares you. I can’t keep from not thinking about the impending doom of it all even though I should be cherishing it, even as it’s happening before your eyes.
It’s something I’m working on. The idea of accepting all that is good right now and not wish for it to be better or hope that it goes inevitably bad.
Uhhh, I wanna go to sleep…
The Kobe Left Cheek Bleeding Cut Awards March 25, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Lakers, Photoshopery, Referees , 2 comments |
In honor of Kobe bleeding like crazy last night, here is the inaugural Kobe Left Cheek Bleeding Cut Awards:
First up: BOB DELANEY:
He gets 5 Kobe Bleeding Cuts for blowing the call on Monta Ellis/Derek Fisher flop. I mean, one quick look at the two recent comments on here site and you can tell the Yay Area is not thrilled with the once undercover FBI agent.
You just hate when that happens, which makes us all wonder if that’s why he “quit” the agency (ahem ahem—going something like this:
FBI Director: Hey Bob
Delaney: Yeah?
FBI Director: You know that guy you let go because you thought he wasn’t a gangster?
Delaney: Sure.
FBI Director: Sssssssssss… yeah… we just found out.. he really was a G
Delaney: Oh. He’s good.
FBI Director: You’re fired.
Derek Fisher:
D-Fish gets 3 Bleeding Cuts. Sure he flopped like there’s a national crisis in flop shortage and thought by getting one in would be his version of a stimulus package.
Not so my friend. He did what he had to do to get the win, that’s it. I mean, you wouldn’t do any less for your weekend warriors would you? But there comes a time when integrity begets reputation and perhaps he could have re-done it in a more classier way.
It was nice move though, I gots to admit. That was like a Street Fighter II Turbo, takedown, all he needed was the +25pts and level damage bar with a complete finishing move to go into the bonus car wreaking round.
Philly Beating Boston
Dre Iggy and his band of ragtag misfits gets 1 Bleeding Cheek. I swear to you I have not watched a single Philly game this whole year. Why would I lie to you?
I was under the impression that they’d be the the NBA team equivalent to the great city of Atlantis (side question.. why is it the “CITY” of Atlantis? What country is it from? If there was a country, how come they just moved on like… “Well, there goes Atlantis, better find a detour to get to the in-laws’ place”???)
Anyhow, beating Boston is no small feat when your main arsenal is purely on dunks. Good on you Andre and the team of Phil-A!
ME
Yes yes yes, I must bring myself into the conversation once again.
Why?
Well, you see, I hurt my toe last night.
I got a boo-boo.
It’s serious business.
I think I need to call in a sick day
It looks infected.
Lamar Odom’s Arms
He’s gotta get that checked out pronto! Getting 21 rebounds last night and 22 the previous night. That deserves 4 Bleeding Cheeks.
Either he’s stolen some of the Dwight Howard man juice (yes, now that image isn’t GOING ANYWHERE MUWAHAHAHA) or GSW really need to up its size when they battle the Lakers come playoffs.
Getting boards is hard, I know because I’m a certified expert. My buddy is 5′2 I think, but somehow he always manages to grab missed shots and put it back. I think he cheats a lot, like tiny push offs here and there, but they’re always timely, at the right moment. God I want to punch him for consistently beating us with that.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that: I need to box out more. The end.
WotS: Here Comes Kobe… March 3, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Los Angeles Lakers, Word on the Streetz , add a comment |
Mr. Bryant once again itched his way into the 50+ point game arena when he pretty much beat the Mavs and stole Mark Cuban’s GI Joe toy all by himself. Word on the Streetz sought the higher meaning in all this…
 Cate Lepard Illustrator “Kobe’s just trying to get that elusive Oscar… What? The Awards were two weeks ago?”  Gina Welds Banker “It’s like he can’t stand the fact that points get shared by other people and not just him!”  Mr. Roboto DVD inspector “Yeah? Well, I once ate nine medium sized pizzas let’s see him top that shiz.” |
Things To Look For Tonight: Phoenix vs. Suns February 20, 2008
Posted by TheHype in Los Angeles Lakers, Phoenix Suns , add a comment |
Shaq’s smiles for the cameras … as the action is
happening on the other end of the floorThe REAL Superman is back tonight. And fighting his old stomping grounds of the LA Lakers now as a Sun. It’s poetry is what it is.
If only Bynum is in this as well, then we’d get our money’s worth of a smackdown for the ages. God I hope to … er, god, that they match up in the Playoffs.
Here’s what you need to look out for in tonight’s game (because I won’t be watching: seriously, I’m gonna be at a pickup game… pfft, don’t look at me that way! Those legs aren’t going to work out themselves!)
* That puke you see in front of you as you see Shaq check in? That’s the realization at how ugly he looks in a PHX jersey
* Kobe will distribute like crazy up until the 3rd… that’s when he’ll want to dunk on Shaq’s nose everytime
* Nash will throw an alley-oop to Shaq in the same way as he always have for Shawn Marion — but it goes horribly wrong: Shaq totally forgot what a dunk is… and just throws it at security guard
* For once, Phil Jackson will look animated, but that could be the constipation
* For once, Mike D’Antoni will look calm and reserved, even Zen-like—oops sorry, the camera was still on Phil, ESPN just put up the wrong name caption
* Hubie Brown will say: “NOW, the ref saw it differently…” which totally means “fucking dumbass call”
* Finally, I will have blown a breakaway layup and get taunted by my teammates. It’s uncanny.
WotS: Kobe Getting Rusty? November 26, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Word on the Streetz , 2 comments |
As LeBron is putting a couple string of triple doubles, Kobe missed a crucial game tying free throw at home. Word on the Streetz wants to know, based on that one play in the dying seconds of their 13th game in November against an Eastern squad, DOES THIS MEAN KOBE’S DONE?…
 Joan Sheen Linguist “Yes.” Leroy Rifkin Artist “No.”  Dr. Tolsky Doctor “??” |
How The Hollywood Writers’ Strike Affects The NBA November 6, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Outrageousness, Photoshopery, Poop Culture, TV Shows, Unrelatedness , 4 comments |
I don’t know if you know this, but I’m a TV watcher. Shocking but true. And there is a strike going on with the writers of America for something frivolous like money or something. This is all very important, since I love my tv shows, but it’s also important in that it will affect what 96% of this blog is about: the NBA.
I mean, with the writers out, who will send in nightly scripts for David Stern to approve? Dramatic storylines like the following can’t be made up with spontaneity!
Chuck – Kobe’s Nightly Output
With the NBA writing staff gone, we have no clue just where Kobe’s f-you season is going to lead us. Whereas before, with script writers checking in, we knew that he had to start out like a bull and torment everyone—the league, his coach, his teammates. But now that the strike is here, his storyline is up for grabs.
The Unrelatedness Plot Suggestion to the NBA: Kobe Leaves For Africa. Just like that.
Project Run(a)way – Clay Bennett’s Thong Design
MAKE IT WORK PEOPLE! I don’t actually watch this show, but through gosh-darmnit osmosis know enough to make a reference.
Now you might say that “reality tv” don’t have writers. To which I might say you are wrong wrong wrong. See, without writers carefully planning the outcome of hundreds of footage, viewers have no clue what the story is. So the same is applied here with the SuperSonics Saga: unless someone rummages through the garbage (re: Clay Bennett’s words), NBA fans have no idea where their beloved franchise will end up.
The Unrelatedness Plot Suggestion to the NBA: Make Bennett wear a dress and walk the runway.
LOST – Unanswered Storylines
With 9 teams starting off the season with a wonderful 0.00% record, I hope the writers sure know what they’re doing. Fine, even when the writers weren’t striking, we had a hard time figuring the secret plans of McHale; Pat Riley’s roster problems; Golden State’s luck; Scott Skiles vein on his forehead; or even what the Sacramento station is supposed to do (I hear it houses polar bears!)
The Unrelatedness Plot Suggestion to the NBA: Just reset the season and give everyone a 2nd change, c’mon, we’re just 3 games in!
Bonjour: La Linkés And Me Mad, Yes, Anger! October 22, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Linkage , 1 comment so far |
Let’s Gloria Estefan this ish and turn it upside down for a moment—starting with the anger. I’m not so much mad, because really, if you’ve been following this blog for a while. you’d know anger doesn’t really exist in my body. In fact, I don’t even know how to spell anger… A-N-G-T-Y-Z-M… can’t do it.
But I am peeved with people breaking the Injustice To Attributions Laws of Section 1b-C3 RE: Funny Blogging Ideas.
Specifically this fun, ‘ha ha’ type of flippant affair at the FanHouse to clown all the KobeKobeKobe news out there. But then LA Times had to ruin the fun.
In a way I guess it’s flattering to have one single gag idea being ripped off by the LA Times (though kind of sad… seeing that they are just using the exact same joke). It’s just 10x worse since there’s no indication of attribution, so really, that’s like getting kicked in the nuts… after they sex with your girlfriend… and then knocked over your fish bowl. Jerks. Who does that? LA Times that’s who.
Obligatory confession: I have used gags for this blog from other places over the ‘net, but at least I did come clean about it… and I doubt anyone would think it’s serious and not satire (you know, using it to make a new statement, not just copying the same thing)
Grrr. You’re on Notice LA Times. Check out Shoals’ metaphorical dagger in the face of the Times over at FanHouse in this matter, big ups!
Your html hyperlinks gals and gents:
Last couple of paragraphs in Gilbert Arenas’ latest made me smile. (NBA.com blog)
Clutch 3 rounded things with a preseason chatter with some of my fav peoples… and I’m not saying that because I got name dropped (I see you Trey!) Uh… okay, it’s totally because of that. And they cover a bunch of ground like Who is gonna have a Breakout Year. My pick: Jose Calderon (Clutch 3)
Crucifictorious finds NYT is struggling mightily with whether Dane Cook is genuine or hackery. I’ll let the Times be all “objective” and “balanced” but I’d say we should assume the worse in people, who’s with me?? (We Rite Goode)
I love Avril Lavigne. That’s it, there’s not much to it. And I’m not sure what that says about me, but at least I said it! (via ShowHype)
This video is so cool (via Boing Boing)
NBA Toons: In Praise of Kobe’s Defense August 24, 2007
Posted by TheHype in NBA TOONS , 4 comments |
Riiiiiiight…
For something 195% less retarded, please check out da hotness that is Blowtorch’s uber pixelated Rookie Caricatures, if for no other reason than to get the above sour taste out of your moufs…
Coming This Fall… August 15, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Photoshopery , 4 comments |
Hmm, just a little homo erotic? I think the answer is yes. But I’ll totally check this out, Vince Vaughn can do no wrong.
