NBA Physics Vol. I November 29, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Orlando Magic, Photoshopery , 1 comment so far |
(Wow! You won’t believe this — and you really shouldn’t — Monsieur René Descartes has some NBA thinkings that he wanted to share over here at The Unrelatedness. By jove, who am I to complain! Take it away Re-Re…)
Allo mes amis! What is sup friends? Long time no talk. With me being totally dead and all. Well, I caught the Orlando Magic vs. Seattle SuperSonics deal last night and OHOY! What did I notice? The man-beast himself (not the Devil Beast that tormented the 16th century France mind you, we — Locke, Hume and myself after some sips of rum — totally fucked him up back in my day) DWIGHT HOWARD.
You see, Howard posted a monster 39, 16 and 5 blocks. That’s not just scientific and philosophically bliss, that’s the goddamn nectar from the angels. Thus is my Dwight Howard Proof on the Existence of Grabbing All The Rebounds While Dropping Forty:
And even though the Sonics were on a mad hunt to try and upset a big lead, Kevin Durant saw something that he must learn or else perish forever: Objects will gravitate towards larger masses. Thus KD’s futile attempts to go at Dwight for a layup will cause the ball to be gravitated into Dwight’s hands. It’s that simple. You might as well just give the other team the ball, 2 points and maybe a hot stone massage.
I don’t know what that last part means. I’m seeing a shrink about this… his name’s Freud, any good?
Next time on Descartes’ Disseminations: How the specialists shooters, specifically white guys, have a shooting percentage proportional to the hair gel they use. Truth!
