What’d I Give For… The Phoenix Suns To Win It All April 28, 2008
Posted by TheHype in 2008 Playoffs, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs , 5 comments |
Oh hello there friends. It’s me. Hypey. It’s time I write down some words. This timez, it’s about all the what/ifs happening on the playoff battle arena right now.
As a basketball lover, it pains me to admit with deep regret that I haven’t watched much of the Suns/Spurs deathmatch. You know how I feel about this series. Hell, you know how I felt about this series since the beginning of the season.
What can I say, for the (almost) two years I’ve been keeping down this blog-ish, it’s been wonderous—seeing all the different other maniacs (re: bloggers and fans) come out of the woodwork and get “it”. That “it” meaning the Suns really should be in the Finals because of either Steve Nash’s bliss or Mike D’Antoni’s s’tache or even embracing the joy that is having SHAQ of all people on your side.
Alas, things with me are changing, perspectives and directions are going in different paths that I couldn’t have imagined yet at the same time it was predicted (translation: “life”). The same goes for the Phoenix Suns.
You couldn’t have imagined that they’d be down 0-3. But still, it was the Spurs they were facing. Who else would give them the proper pressure? Yeah, they got 1 win now, but who’s to say in the next 24hrs they have an altering experience that renders them completely changed at the molecular level. Hell yeah I’m implying they might turn into the X-Men.
In the spirit of hoping they do something special, this is what I would give for the Suns to win it all, be the first team down three games to none and win the series:
– give up on kicking innocent puppies
– giving up on eating badly and eat more veggies
– give up my mutant first-born
– give up to Prince, completely (I mean, I’m like a whatever music guy, but Prince + Creep? that shit is hot)
– and most importantly: see Iron Man
I Want A 50 Game Playoff Series Between Suns-Spurs Now December 18, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Phoenix Suns, Photoshopery, San Antonio Spurs , add a comment |
Begone rest of the regular season minutiae games. Please, no need for trivialities. Last night’s Suns/Spurs battle shows what top tier basketball looks like (you paying attention Dallas?) and if you’re telling me we need another 4 months until it really counts — then you and I can’t share an ice cream cone together later today. Yeah, it’s like that.
Grant Hill, bless his elephant ears, for he is the Decidor. Last night, you saw him do damage beating opponents off the dribble, taking timely shots and just doing things. Whenever the Suns were at a lost on offense, it’s when the creativity breaks down, either when Steve Nash is on the bench or they just can’t find the 3 point netting. Grant Hill is doing this season what the Suns wanted Boris Diaw to do last season. I guess now they have two. Yay!
On the Spurs side, they probably would’ve won that game had Tony The Bastard Parker played. Tim Duncan was unstoppable and was going to win the game for them, but with Tony, it adds to the defensive pressure that the Suns don’t have an answer for. Jacque Vince Vaughn made enough shots to not get shot in the ass by Pop, but he doesn’t cave in the defense like Tony does. Manu, The Shadow Killer, had a okay night with 18pts, but his presence was not felt the GINOBILI! way. He made clutch shots, but as a whole, Suns didn’t seem to worry about him that much.
One thing that was interesting in this regular season game, which I’m not sure if it was on purpose or not, but Popovich didn’t use the tactic of making Nash a scorer. Perhaps D’Antoni and Co. finally found a counter, but it seemed like they let Steve direct traffic for this one game. Sure the whole thing could be mind games, when the Spurs will turn on the clamps when it really counts.
I’m going to sleep, wake me up in April.
Eva Vs. Alexandra Vs. Tim Duncan: The Lines December 15, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Poop Culture, San Antonio Spurs , add a comment |
The gossip machines are going insanely out of control vis a vis Tony Parker, Eva Longoria and a French lady who is also hot as hell. While this space hates going into the gossip mills for stories (WHY ALBA?? WHY???), I think this story isn’t just important, it’s monumental.
So who’s it going to be Tony? Desperate House-can’t-act? French Model Alexandra Pare-get-in-my-pant-ssant? Oooor: Tim Duncan. Oh bro, don’t even hide it anymore. You gotta choose:
Eva Longoria  |
Alexandra Paressant  |
Tim Duncan  |
|
Looks: |
Big eyes, cute smile, got on a TV show because of it | Supermodel hot | Tim’s all about the low post tease. The attraction is undeniable |
| ADVANTAGE: Clearly Tim Duncan wins this round |
Skills: |
Not going to lie. Never seen her act, so I’m going to say she’s horrible | If she’s lying, she’s doing a mad job playing the role of marriage breaker upper | Tim has a way of luring you into his welcoming buggy eyes |
| ADVANTAGE: Close, but Duncan takes this round again |
| Long Term Outlook: | Acting jobs are hard to come by these days, so she might drive Tony insane after a couple years | Models, as their nature entails, don’t need much nutrition. They’re like human equivalents to the Smart Cars! | HE GAVE YOU 3 NBA TITLES BITCH, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT |
| ADVANTAGE: So hard (that’s what she said) but I think Timmeh edges the ladies again |
*******
The Spurs are the real winners if you guys hook up. That’s for sure. Oh by the way, me trying to pretty up this spot, you can now use Gravatars, like I said here. It’s fun, it’s picturey and low calories whenever you comment with the same e-mail.
Tim Duncan Totally Fouled The Jane Austen Book Club October 15, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Movies, San Antonio Spurs , 1 comment so far |
The Tim Duncan media frenzy just would not stop. This time, it’s his drop step in entertainment dominance: Timmeh (crossing my fingers) hopefully will be somehow immortalized in the future DVD release of The Jane Austen Book Club … in a round about way … kind of.
But first hetero rep reaffirmation: No, I did not watch The Jane Austen Book Club. Come on, The Game Plan was much more realistic and gritty. Okay, glad I got that cleared up.
So as I was listening to the Creative Screen Writing Magazine’s podcast with the writer for The Jane Austen Book Club (seriously, I didn’t watch the movie, I just like podcasts! I swear!) and at about the 5:40 until 8:20 mark, said writer was talking about trying to fit a sports-talk scene and Duncan had a minor influence in the movie (après le saut!):
Apparently there’s a character called Dean played by Marc Blucas who had to talk about Tim as part of the scene. Blucas impressed the writer/directors during his casting read by saying that he’s actually #21’s best friend in real life. It’s true! Wire Images confirms it though are bastardly making us pay to see the full image! Fuckers. (more…)
5 Things To Force Game 5 June 14, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Finals, 2007 Playoffs, Awards, Cleveland Cavaliers, Outrageousness, Photoshopery, San Antonio Spurs , 2 comments |
Unless Moses, Zeus, Vishnu AND Abraham Lincoln all work their mystical wonder witchcraft and save the Cavaliers, there’s no way we’re having a 5th game in these NBA Finals. Such is a sad sad life. However, fear not, there just might be an inkling of chance (re: nah, just playin’) so here are the 5 Signs You Should Watch Out For Tonight, Where We Might Think There Will Be A Game 5 But Not Really, Because That Would Be Cool, And The NBA Finals Aren’t Cool, Oh Am I Still Talking, Fuck, My Bad, Here You Go:
#5: LeBron Dropping 40+ pts
Surely, I believe the correlation so far has been thus: LeBron can’t score in the field to get into a rhythm. So X plus 0.3 grams of suck = the Cavs lose. If we see a barrage of LePoints, we need to smile just a bit and think the game might be won for the City of Cleveland… only to lose yet again in Cleveland for Game 5
#4: Tim Duncan Turns Into A Werewolf And Runs Away
Timmy D has been everything he’s always been: A freakin’ Hall of Famer every minute he’s played in his life and we can’t do anything about it. What we can hope to happen is that he just leaves Game 4 out of nowhere. I don’t even care if tonight isn’t a full moon, someone do some mad science shit: turn him into a werewolf damnit—now, if someone WolfDuncan can still ball, well, we’re fucked.
#3: Drew Gooden’s Hair Patch Emerges As The Cavs Much Needed Next Go-To Man (Thing)
Obviously what’s hurting more than the Spurs choking defense is the fact that the Cavaliers are scared to make a basket. No joke, everytime they think they should score, they have instant night tremors, and they’re not even sleeping! So expect DrewPatch to step up and dunk on Fabricio tonight.
#2: Someone in the crowd takes out Eva Longoria
I’m not a violent person, per se. I’m not sexist… but sorry, having Eva/ABC infiltrate my living room everytime the Spurs are up, I turn into Jack Bauer and John McClane’s lovechild—somebody gonna get a hurt. I propose someone from the UFC, I dunno, I hear that’s thing’s the cocaine of 2007, everyone’s into it. People will be shocked that a guy knocked out Eva Longoria, but if it’s Chuck Liddell, awwww
and the #1 sign there will be a Game 5: Cavs to Win Game 4
Yeah, call me crazy, but I think if they win Game 4, they just might be able to go to Game 5. I’m crazy like that, calling out wild theories and such, people should lock me up for this type of heresy. But mark my words, if they don’t win tonight, I’ll kick every lil’ puppy I see!
…again… I dunno why I’m so violent today, I think it’s the ‘roids I had for breakfast.
Forget Game 4, Bachelor Partay Time! June 13, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Finals, 2007 Playoffs, Awards, Cleveland Cavaliers, Photoshopery, San Antonio Spurs , 4 comments |
Of all the series, why did this one have to be so predicable? Give us some hope, give us more than four games, c’mon, pretty please? Well, guess begging probably won’t work a darn for this Finals. It’s gonna be over on Thursday, LeSigh.
While last night’s Game 3 was much closer and saw the Cavs in an easier state of mind, defensively, with the help of the crowd, their offense just couldn’t handle the Spurs. Nothing easy… nor should it be really. That’s just the reality and level that is the Finals, this isn’t child’s play, you gotta be one hundred percent 100% of the time. Lebron and Co’ never had a real chance in this one—only imagined ones.
So perhaps, in lieu of Game 4, they should just all go out and chill somewhere… relaxing…
Tim Duncan Is So Effing Good June 8, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Finals, 2007 Playoffs, Cleveland Cavaliers, Photoshopery, San Antonio Spurs , 1 comment so far |
Timmy D. Oh you are so good. Damn you. It there any more doubt about this man’s defense?
So I watched this game last night at a dive bar with a projector screen. Sounds fun in theory. But not if your friends decide to SIT RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SCREEN. Geniuses I tells ya.
Anyway, after we sorted out Crisis At The Screen 2007 we got drunk immediately settled and watch the happenings of two grindin’ teams.
Though it was a low-scoring affair, the game was pretty smooth — not unnecessary 15 stopages in a span of 5 minutes, it flowed yo.
Deeper Analysisism:
The Spurs are straight up swarming Lebron every single time so much that I think Gregg Popovich has his players’ wives hostage in a dark undisclosed basement. Bron isn’t forcing the issue, passing to any open teammates every time — sucks they can’t score more.
Let’s be honest tho, James can’t just ram his way to the foul line every time he gets it… he might get 40pts, but his team will be cold and they’ll lose. What he’s doing here is trying to beat the Spurs by playing an overall game that can kill them with smarts.
Matchups wise: Tony Parker is torching everyone in his sights, no one can keep up with that guy. Tim is Tim, but I like what the Cavs are doing, showing double, triple teams whenever he tries to make his move (sometimes they miss the assignment or too late, and BAM! he scored). I can’t believe Drew Gooden is the Cavs game 1 highlight…
For Game 2 LBJ just has to be faster with his decisions… Game 1 he seemed to be waiting and waiting, but the Spurs want him to wait because their defense traps him to all the right places. I thought the Cavs could’ve pulled the first game upset—they were close (at halftime). I have a good feeling for the 2nd game, they’ll be a bit more sharp with their decisions on offense and hopefully a breakout dunk from the King can move things along.
NBA Finals Profiling: Spurs June 5, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Finals, 2007 Playoffs, Photoshopery, San Antonio Spurs , 2 comments |
Consider this The Unrelatedess’ Finals preview. The Cavs version shall dropeth tomorrah because well, the NBA hates us and want us to wait as long as possible so I’m just spreading the knowledge evenly, like peanut better.
Case File: #534-C5 Subsection 110
TEAM: San Antonio Spurs
NICKNAME: Dirrrrrty
BACKGROUND: Won the NBA Finals’ trophy in odd numbered years (1999, 2003, 2005)
SUSPECT CURRENT TARGET: NBA Champions again
INTERNATIONAL WANTED HATED LIST: Interpol and MI-6 wants them taken down; FBI is monitoring Bowen’s activities; Chinese Intelligence want to kidnap Duncan
Main Suspects:
TIM DUNCAN
– unknown origins
– could very well be an actual robot, from the future
– doesn’t need hands to solve the Rubik’s Cube
– once inflitrated CIA headquarters, but no one picked up on it. He’s a ninja
– weapon of choice: the WIDE-EYED stare of death, killed 306 men, and counting
TONY PARKER
– He’s French, oooh la la
– probably the most unassuming athlete-rapper there is
– could be cuz he’s French
– could be because his rap… kinda blows
– weapon of choice: showing off Eva Longoria to distract us
GREGG POPOVICH
– mastermind of everything, going as far as implanting a small mind chip in Francisco Elson’s head
– the pic right here shows Pop sending the message to Elson through his nano remote on his finger
– his post game comments are hidden codes for ex-KGB soldiers to learn how to run a proper low-post pick
– can disarm a bomb with a hamster; weapon of choice: his bare hand
Try to explain the West...
