Eva Vs. Alexandra Vs. Tim Duncan: The Lines December 15, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Poop Culture, San Antonio Spurs , add a comment |
The gossip machines are going insanely out of control vis a vis Tony Parker, Eva Longoria and a French lady who is also hot as hell. While this space hates going into the gossip mills for stories (WHY ALBA?? WHY???), I think this story isn’t just important, it’s monumental.
So who’s it going to be Tony? Desperate House-can’t-act? French Model Alexandra Pare-get-in-my-pant-ssant? Oooor: Tim Duncan. Oh bro, don’t even hide it anymore. You gotta choose:
Eva Longoria  |
Alexandra Paressant  |
Tim Duncan  |
|
Looks: |
Big eyes, cute smile, got on a TV show because of it | Supermodel hot | Tim’s all about the low post tease. The attraction is undeniable |
| ADVANTAGE: Clearly Tim Duncan wins this round |
Skills: |
Not going to lie. Never seen her act, so I’m going to say she’s horrible | If she’s lying, she’s doing a mad job playing the role of marriage breaker upper | Tim has a way of luring you into his welcoming buggy eyes |
| ADVANTAGE: Close, but Duncan takes this round again |
| Long Term Outlook: | Acting jobs are hard to come by these days, so she might drive Tony insane after a couple years | Models, as their nature entails, don’t need much nutrition. They’re like human equivalents to the Smart Cars! | HE GAVE YOU 3 NBA TITLES BITCH, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT |
| ADVANTAGE: So hard (that’s what she said) but I think Timmeh edges the ladies again |
*******
The Spurs are the real winners if you guys hook up. That’s for sure. Oh by the way, me trying to pretty up this spot, you can now use Gravatars, like I said here. It’s fun, it’s picturey and low calories whenever you comment with the same e-mail.
Things I Wish I Could Un-see: Tony Parker’s Ass July 2, 2007
Posted by TheHype in Outrageousness , add a comment |
Good lord.
The image was cropped for severe safety reasons because, damn I wish I never clicked on it. But I don’t want to suffer alone, so I give you this Just Jared scoop of Tony, Eva et Friends quelque 
part aux France.
That above shot is traumatizing enough (if you see the full-un-cropness of it), but there’s also one where you get to see the NBA Finals MVP’s entire poop-maker… uhhhhhhh
There’s also tons of Eva in a gold swimsuit sans makeup looking… uhhhhhhh
Oh, Ronny Turiaf is also there to joinez la parteé!
Tony Parker is a Butt Flasher [Just Jared]
via kcudah via Ballhype
5 Things To Force Game 5 June 14, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Finals, 2007 Playoffs, Awards, Cleveland Cavaliers, Outrageousness, Photoshopery, San Antonio Spurs , 2 comments |
Unless Moses, Zeus, Vishnu AND Abraham Lincoln all work their mystical wonder witchcraft and save the Cavaliers, there’s no way we’re having a 5th game in these NBA Finals. Such is a sad sad life. However, fear not, there just might be an inkling of chance (re: nah, just playin’) so here are the 5 Signs You Should Watch Out For Tonight, Where We Might Think There Will Be A Game 5 But Not Really, Because That Would Be Cool, And The NBA Finals Aren’t Cool, Oh Am I Still Talking, Fuck, My Bad, Here You Go:
#5: LeBron Dropping 40+ pts
Surely, I believe the correlation so far has been thus: LeBron can’t score in the field to get into a rhythm. So X plus 0.3 grams of suck = the Cavs lose. If we see a barrage of LePoints, we need to smile just a bit and think the game might be won for the City of Cleveland… only to lose yet again in Cleveland for Game 5
#4: Tim Duncan Turns Into A Werewolf And Runs Away
Timmy D has been everything he’s always been: A freakin’ Hall of Famer every minute he’s played in his life and we can’t do anything about it. What we can hope to happen is that he just leaves Game 4 out of nowhere. I don’t even care if tonight isn’t a full moon, someone do some mad science shit: turn him into a werewolf damnit—now, if someone WolfDuncan can still ball, well, we’re fucked.
#3: Drew Gooden’s Hair Patch Emerges As The Cavs Much Needed Next Go-To Man (Thing)
Obviously what’s hurting more than the Spurs choking defense is the fact that the Cavaliers are scared to make a basket. No joke, everytime they think they should score, they have instant night tremors, and they’re not even sleeping! So expect DrewPatch to step up and dunk on Fabricio tonight.
#2: Someone in the crowd takes out Eva Longoria
I’m not a violent person, per se. I’m not sexist… but sorry, having Eva/ABC infiltrate my living room everytime the Spurs are up, I turn into Jack Bauer and John McClane’s lovechild—somebody gonna get a hurt. I propose someone from the UFC, I dunno, I hear that’s thing’s the cocaine of 2007, everyone’s into it. People will be shocked that a guy knocked out Eva Longoria, but if it’s Chuck Liddell, awwww
and the #1 sign there will be a Game 5: Cavs to Win Game 4
Yeah, call me crazy, but I think if they win Game 4, they just might be able to go to Game 5. I’m crazy like that, calling out wild theories and such, people should lock me up for this type of heresy. But mark my words, if they don’t win tonight, I’ll kick every lil’ puppy I see!
…again… I dunno why I’m so violent today, I think it’s the ‘roids I had for breakfast.
Forget Game 4, Bachelor Partay Time! June 13, 2007
Posted by TheHype in 2007 Finals, 2007 Playoffs, Awards, Cleveland Cavaliers, Photoshopery, San Antonio Spurs , 4 comments |
Of all the series, why did this one have to be so predicable? Give us some hope, give us more than four games, c’mon, pretty please? Well, guess begging probably won’t work a darn for this Finals. It’s gonna be over on Thursday, LeSigh.
While last night’s Game 3 was much closer and saw the Cavs in an easier state of mind, defensively, with the help of the crowd, their offense just couldn’t handle the Spurs. Nothing easy… nor should it be really. That’s just the reality and level that is the Finals, this isn’t child’s play, you gotta be one hundred percent 100% of the time. Lebron and Co’ never had a real chance in this one—only imagined ones.
So perhaps, in lieu of Game 4, they should just all go out and chill somewhere… relaxing…
